Is confidence REALLY that "sexy"...

[Love'sReject]

I mean, girls tell us guys who aren't real lookers that it is. Yet, when I faked being confident convincingly, I never got a date. There are few guys like me who are lacking in the looks department who actually get girls with ease; very, very seldom. If it was just a matter of confidence, back in my heyday I would have met more girls but obviously that truism falls flat...

What say you?

[vashti]

How do you know you were convincing? And when you were faking it, how many girls did you ask out?

(And yes, confidence is extremely sexy.)

[Love'sReject]

Oh c'mon; are you implying women have some sort of ESP? Well, let's see: one of the worst times was when a girl wanted to have sex when I wanted a relationship (that was a colossal blunder). I can't remember but once I counted how many times I got rejected in high school (rough estimate places it around 20+).

[TheSaint]

lol .

[Love'sReject]

Shaddup, you.

[When.Doves.Cry.]

This is another generalization. It really does depend on several other factors. A guy can be confident, but if he's not my type or something, then it doesn't matter. Yet if he's someone I think I could like, yet he's rather withdrawn, then I'm more compelled to get to know him.

[Love'sReject]

I knew it! Even if I HAD confidence (again, which died in the summer of '08, let it R.I.P.), I might not be any girl's type. Too much of an individual. And a very infinitesimal amount of girls are like yourselves: being compelled to get to know a guy who doesn't pompously walk around acting like an alpha male.

[searock]

Having confidence doesn't mean being outgoing or arrogant. Even a reserved, humble guy can be very confident - those are the ones I like the most btw (personal taste). Insecure guys may even try to overcompensate by being loud and funny and whatnot, but they'll always reek of insecurity, which is a turn-off. Actually most overly arrogant guys are actually very insecure, they use arrogance as a mask to hide their insecurities. Pretty much the lamest thing ever IMO.

The world isn't all like the part of Orange County you've experienced till now, LR. Look elsewhere, you'll be amazed at what you find.

[smackie9]

We go by the vibe we feel. You can act confident, but we can see the insecurity that lies beneath. Everyone keeps talking about "my type".... that comes later.....this is about getting your foot in the door.

[dem862]

Confidence is one of those ineffable qualities that women say they look for in man. But if you ask them to describe it, you'll get a different answer from each one. For me, it means you are who you are, and if they don't like it, they can go their merry way.

[smackie9]

OK I'll explain it. Confidence is how a guy carries himself. Stable, positive, comfortable with himself, and being around other people. Someone that doesn't over analyze, over do or worry. Someone that has no problem striking up a conversation with anyone, and keeps a conversation going with ease. Someone that can handle themselves in any social situation, has a positive vibe, smiles when they see you looking at them.

[Hotaru]

I like when a guy is confident because it gives me the impression that he's capable. I don't want to feel like I have to always be in control and on top of things because my boyfriend is a wreck. I want a partner, an equal, not a sobbing mess.

When I think of a man with confidence, I think of a great smile, fairly strong social skills, the ability to do what needs done, strength...it just brings a whole host of attractive traits to mind.

[Love'sReject]

"Impression"...I've always thought most "confidence" is just hubris like I've said before but I also think it's manipulation, too. A real human being doesn't act like a god on earth; a real person has dimension, shows doubts and isn't afraid to say they're uncertain...But no, I guess girls want a bronze Adonis.

[Hotaru]

How do you figure that confidence is "exaggerated self-confidence"?...

A real human being doesn't act like a god on earth; a real person has dimension, shows doubts and isn't afraid to say they're uncertain...

I don't know how I got you so confused, I made it fairly clear that women don't want trainwrecks. You are talking about the complete opposite end of the spectrum:

trainwreck -------------------------------------------- "average" -------------------------------------------- Adonis


How many more theories and rants are you going to create before you actually do something with your life? Tick tock, you're wasting time.

[Cerby]

"Impression"...I've always thought most "confidence" is just hubris like I've said before but I also think it's manipulation, too. A real human being doesn't act like a god on earth; a real person has dimension, shows doubts and isn't afraid to say they're uncertain...But no, I guess girls want a bronze Adonis.

I think you have "confident" and "cocky" mixed up here. A confident person has dimension, doubts, and can definitely say they're uncertain, but they also have no problem saying it when it applies, whether it be to a person or a group. A cocky guy knows everything, is everything, and never backs down, no matter how wrong he may be.

You say you're a shut in, so I think you might be very lacking in social experience to determine the difference between the two. Cocky guys get women, sure, but they can't hold onto a woman. Confident guys also get women, but they have no problem keeping the women they want. (and want them)