Do guys play the No Contact game?

[Christinepaul]

I was just wondering, do guys do the whole "maybe if I don't contact her for a while she'll miss me and try to talk to me" or is that a girl thing?

My ex broke up with me like 3 weeks ago. Not long after that, he was contacting me every so often saying he still liked me, and missed me, and then finally asked if he "could please be with me again" then when I reminded him that he asked for some time alone to figure out the issues he was having, he never replied and hasn't talked to me since (only a week, so not horrible). I'm not sure whether to take that as he gave up and doesn't care all that much if we get back together, or if he just wants me to make a move. Or just feels awkward.

Each time we've talked since the break up, it's been him saying something like "i still like you" and me responding with something like "ok, but we should wait to talk about it until you're ready to be in a relationship".

Like I said, he asked if he could be with me again about a week ago, and I said we should talk when he's done sorting things out. But he never responded to that, and I'm not sure if I should try to contact him now or what. Seeing as how he asked for a month and it was only two weeks when he asked to get back together, I didn't take it too seriously. Should I have? Is it at all likely he's doing the same thing I have been, waiting for a sign that he wants to talk? Or is that not something guys do? :/

[Hotaru]

This is so stupid...

He asked for a month to figure things out but changed his mind shortly afterward. Why did you shut him down? The only reason you gave is, "But he asked for a month, it hadn't been a month yet." That's ridiculous. Now you're wondering why he isn't kissing your ass after you shot him down? Good for him, I'm glad he didn't keep begging only to have you ignore him further. Why are you waiting for a sign that he wants to talk? He tried to talk to you until you pushed him so far he quit. This makes...no damn sense...

This seems like a game, leave the man alone if you can't take things seriously.

And yes, both genders play that game. Whether your ex is or not, I can't say.

[Christinepaul]

haha, no that's not the whole story at all, I was trying to condense it for the sake of the reader, but I appreciate your incredible rudeness

We broke up because he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me or if he just liked not being alone. When we broke up, we agreed that we could talk when he figured it out, but not before he was willing to be serious. That way I wasn't pressuring him about it, and he wasn't stringing me along. He had been telling me he missed me and that he still liked me, but said that he knew he wasn't ready to be in a relationship so he wasn't going there yet. So I told him we could talk when he was. It wasn't me shutting him down, it was me leaving the door open and letting him know that I was willing to hear him out. The only reason the whole month thing was ever brought up was because of the reason we broke up.

Then a week later he was suddenly ready to be back together. There was no begging on either side of this. He knew I still liked him, there was no reason for him to beg. He tried to talk to me for all of two seconds before he ran away from the conversation.

[Hotaru]

It's not called being rude, it's called being blunt.

How are we supposed to give an accurate answer when that much information was missing? What you just said changes everything.

Leave him be and just see what happens. Don't hang around waiting though because he either decided he doesn't want to be with you or he's still thinking. And actually, being told, "I don't know if I want to be with you, I have to think about it" would personally bug me. His feelings for you are so strong...that he can't tell if he actually wants you or if he's just co-dependent? It's good that he's addressing the issue but I'm not sure what this says for your relationship to begin with. It could swing in your favor but I wouldn't suggest that you spend too much time thinking on it.

[Christinepaul]

It's alright i forgive you.

The whole story is quite long, and I didn't feel like the situation leading up to my question was as important as my actual question: do guys intentionally stop contacting even if they still have feelings? I could give you the whole story if you'd like.

So you're advice is to not reach out to him still? I feel like that's what I was doing and it ended up with him asking to get back together. At what point has he done enough?

We only knew each other a short time before we started dating, and this was a new relationship, so I wasn't as offended with him not knowing if he wanted to date me because we were both still figuring each other out. (I'm sure some people will say it's dumb to date if you haven't known each other for a year or whatever, it's just the pace we felt comfortable with)

Which brings me back to the question I was asking in the first place: Do guys intentionally stop contacting you to see if you'll reach out to them or is it more likely that he's decided he just doesn't care that much? Miscommunication: if he felt he was being open with me and I shut him down, then he might be purposefully not talking to me to see how I respond. Or he could just feel awkward. I had reason not to take him seriously, but he might not see it that way. There's the possibility we're both waiting for the other to talk. Which is stupid and childish and ridiculous, yes, but not farfetched.

This is mostly me not wanting to feel completely silly if I ask if him if he actually wants to get back together and he says no.

Ah, dating.

[Hotaru]

I wasn't apologizing... >.> As is, your OP was just agitating, it seemed like you were playing games because so much information was missing.

The reason it matters is because what you are actually asking won't give you any insight into your situation. Yes, of course men cut contact when they still have feelings, men and women aren't so totally different from one another as people tend to think. This is why your question won't get you anything; asking what your ex is doing, however, will.

There's no rule for how long you should wait before you attempt dating; however, it being long distance switches things up some. I don't think you should be the one to ask him back. I think, if you are really worried he might have misunderstood you, you should contact him one last time to clarify. Just leave him a message saying it has occurred to you that maybe you misspoke and you don't want him to think you were shutting him down. You still care so if he wants to talk about your relationship and where you stand, you are open to discussion. Don't beg though, the fact that he avoided you and then hung up isn't a good sign, IMO, and if you beg, you'll likely feel like an idiot afterwards.

[Fruitsss]

hahaaaah sounds funny if they do.

but if a guy dont contact u a lot is cause he is not interested.
u have wassap u have text mssge u have internet so on. so there is no reason for a excuse t not contact u.
busy is also nt a reason.

and ex is ex for a reason.move on

[smackie9]

Funny how he specifically asked for a month. I would suspect the girl he was after didn't work out and he came crawling back a little early. Me personally if my BF said he wasn't feeling it anymore, I would tell it was nice knowing him and show him the door.

[pkumar]

yes i have myself done this, but believe me it will work only if the feelings are true on both sides.