the situation a friends situation

[rrb2287]

Ok my best friend came to me who is a female she wants advice from me. She is currently still married but her and her spouse are not living or doing anything together. Havent got the divorce yet due to money issues and its been almost a year. Well Her and this one guy got together bf gf and all going good til he thinks because she has not got divorced yet that he should be aloud to take sex offers and doesnt consider it wrong. The girl really loves him but she wants to know what she should do in this situation. Btw the guy knew she was still maried when he got with her. they just happened to fall in love what should she do. The guy said she isnt aloud to feel mad or sad about him considering having sex with other girls. But she hasnt been doing nothing like that to him. He said that once her divorce is done he would stop and he would be all hers.

[basilandthyme]

rrb, it is kinda difficult to expect fidelity from someone when you're married to someone else. I really do see his point.

That being said, if she doesn't like his attitude, she can always dump him. The fact that she stays around shows him that she's fine with what he's doing.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think the guy's position is completely fair. She can make whatever excuse she wants for not getting divorced, but until she does, she doesn't have the right to be angry about anything.

[Wakeup]

I think the guy's position is completely fair. She can make whatever excuse she wants for not getting divorced, but until she does, she doesn't have the right to be angry about anything.

Sorry, but I find the above two responses to be nonsense. Everyone has the "right" to their own feelings. Her feeling is that she's being exclusive to him and she would appreciate the same consideration. If he won't give her exclusivity then she should take herself out of any type of relationship with him. It's that simple.

If she were still having sex with her ex husband then I can see where his ignorance to common courtesy would come from however; she is not living with or still fking her ex husband so he's out of line in wanting her to be one of many when she's being exclusive to him.

OP: I suggest you tell her to keep her self-respect and tell him that she'll not be one of many, that she would like him to remain exclusive to her and if he won't be then she should tell him goodbye. If he wants her divorced and that is the deciding factor in him being exclusive to her then perhaps he should help her with the funding... she's already told him from the beginning that she can't afford to do that right now.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I missed the not living together. I thought it was just "not doing anything together". By the same token, you should not be referring to him as her ex husband. He is her husband. She does have the right to her feelings, and what I should have said is that she is a selfish bitch for being angry about this. I agree that it is as simple as her walking if she's unhappy with the situation, I just don't think she has any ground to complain about a guy not wanting to be exclusive with a married woman, no matter what the excuse is. I'm confused. He's observing rules of common sense. What common courtesy is he ignoring?

C'mon Wakeup, if you want to get divorced, you get divorced. It's not something you wait for unless you're still hanging on to something. If they can't afford a divorce, I can't imagine there's much in the way of assets to divide.

[basilandthyme]

Sorry, but I find the above two responses to be nonsense. Everyone has the "right" to their own feelings. Her feeling is that she's being exclusive to him and she would appreciate the same consideration. If he won't give her exclusivity then she should take herself out of any type of relationship with him. It's that simple.

Fair enough. I did forget to write my comment about him being the 'thought police'.

While I do respect his right to his opinions, I would have dumped him long ago. And if it bothered the OP's friend sufficiently, she'd dump him too.

[Wakeup]

I missed the not living together. I thought it was just "not doing anything together". By the same token, you should not be referring to him as her ex husband. He is her husband. She does have the right to her feelings, and what I should have said is that she is a selfish bitch for being angry about this. I agree that it is as simple as her walking if she's unhappy with the situation, I just don't think she has any ground to complain about a guy not wanting to be exclusive with a married woman, no matter what the excuse is. I'm confused. He's observing rules of common sense. What common courtesy is he ignoring?

C'mon Wakeup, if you want to get divorced, you get divorced. It's not something you wait for unless you're still hanging on to something. If they can't afford a divorce, I can't imagine there's much in the way of assets to divide.

You don't need me to explain what I mean. It's perfectly clear that he is ignoring common courtesy by not giving her exclusivity just because of her separated status. The fact that she's not divorced has very little to do with him not wanting to be sexually exclusive with her. She's being exclusive with him and if he didn't think that her only being separated was reason to be exclusive then he should have been upfront about that or, stayed away from her all together.

At this point, if he won't give her sexual exclusivity then she's a fool to keep ****ing him. From now on it would do her good to ask what a potential partners stance is on being exclusive with her since she's only separated. That way she can avoid dating men like you and this guy who think that just because she's only separated she's not worth giving sexual exclusivity to.

Lesson learned, Op. My advice. Fk him and the horse he rode in on. Bubbye!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I agree that it's probably a pretext so he doesn't have to remain monogamous, but it's a pretty damn good pretext. Think about it. It's very common for a woman to go through dramatic changes after getting a divorce. A real, legal, it's final, can't-go-back divorce. A lot of women really change and its been a topic on here several times. He would be a fool to give himself completely to her right now. But yes, your final advice is probably the advice she should take at this point, but if they're asking what to do in this situation, it's doubtful it will be the first option she goes with.

[Wakeup]

but if they're asking what to do in this situation, it's doubtful it will be the first option she goes with.

I think that's true enough. Sadly!