Caught boyfriend looking at friend's photo on Facebook

[Fruitsss]

yeah yeah and if he was open about it she would be talking about her bf being to open about it..............blah blah

[Alphyn]

Well she does care apparently, Searock. Else she wouldn't post this thread. The way I see it OP, you're just insecure. He just looked at the photo's, if my girlfriend were like you I'd try to hide it as well because trouble arrives the moment you notice and it's about what... him looking at a picture? It doesn't even have to mean anything and trying to talk about it probaly won't make him feel any better since you probaly already had this discussion a million times, right?

I guess everyone has their own standards, but I think it's something you have to get over. My sister's boyfriend even goes as far as calling other women hot in her presence, just to tease her though. It doesn't mean anything the way I see it but that's up to you to decide. Good luck!

[wilf]

Point taken, searock. But we're not even talking about watching porn here. Just some drunken photos. My gut feeling is that the emotions stirred up here do
deeper than why he chose to hide the fact he was looking at quite innocent photos (no nudity etc). My guess is that the guy is quite paranoid about what his
girlfriend might read into the situation. Maybe he thinks she's got a heightened sensitivity towards what he might be thinking about other women. All told,
doesn't sound like a deal-breaker to me. If I was bunnyk, I'd suggest to my bf that we sit down over a bottle of good wine and talk this through. They might
even end up laughing about it.

[searock]

I understand that the seemingly obvious reason for him to want to hide something as silly as this from her would be the fact that she has given him sh*t in the past because of something similar, but the thing is, we can't be sure that that is actually the reason. For all we know (based on what the OP has said), she doesn't mind if he looks at other women and she recognizes that it's a normal thing, that every guy (or girl for that matter) does, whether in a relationship or not.

What really bothered her (and brought her to open this thread) is the fact that he tried to hide it from her. We can only guess that he did so because of her possible reaction - but as educated as it may be, it's still only a guess. There may be another reason. Maybe he thinks that she would react badly (perhaps based on previous experiences with other girlfriends of his), when in fact she wouldn't. Maybe he's just a pathological liar. Maybe he feels guilty for some reason. Who knows?

In any case, lying or hiding things from each other just shouldn't happen, in any healthy relationship. It's not about "full disclosure": he was under no obligation to inform her of whose picture he had been looking at, of course. What he did wrong was attempting to hide the fact that he did. He deliberately tried to keep a "secret" from her - it's not like he just didn't tell her because it was unimportant (which would have been perfectly understandable).

Actually, the very fact that what he tried to hide was a small, insignificant thing, makes the matter worse, in a way. Who knows what else he can hide and lie about, if he's reached the point of hiding and lying about insignificant little things?

[wilf]

I concur, searock. From small acorns etc. Past is past and we all need to be sensitive about what we disclose to new partners. That new girlfriend doesn't need
to know how great in bed was Girlfriend 3, for example. Who knows why he was looking at that picture of the drunk girl? If there's distrust in a relationship, or one/both parties aren't feeling they are able to relax and be themselves, even the smallest thing can set the cat amongst the pigeons. In this case, my hunch is that it was completely innocent and the girlfriend slightly overreacted. I'm sure we've all been there.

[basilandthyme]

Searock, but what is she doing looking in the computer history anyway? The fact that she's looking at his browsing history raises some pretty big red flags in itself.

[searock]

Searock, but what is she doing looking in the computer history anyway? The fact that she's looking at his browsing history raises some pretty big red flags in itself.

This is true. Why were you looking at the history, OP? Seems like you both don't trust each other...

[basilandthyme]

Yep, this is the thing. My hubby woudn't lie about looking at a picture on someone's FB. But by the same token, I wouldn't look at his history or ask him about photos that he's been looking at.

[searock]

Yep, this is the thing. My hubby woudn't lie about looking at a picture on someone's FB. But by the same token, I wouldn't look at his history or ask him about photos that he's been looking at.

Agreed - this is how it should be. No mistrust on either side, no reason to mistrust by either person.

[wilf]

Again, I concur, searock. "No mistrust on either side, no reason to mistrust by either person." Clear lines of communication. Love to the fore. Overriding
everything. Niggle arises, talk it through. Hardly ever happens these days. I've been on this site for a day and I'm astonished at the cruelty of some of the
responses to heartfelt posts. I thought this was a site for people who were feeling genuine pain through a break-up and wanted a sympathetic response at the
very least. People who just wanted to connect in some way with people who are going through a similar thing. Breaking up with someone you genuinely love can be even worse than bereavement. With death, you at least have burial and closure. In love, at the terminus of love, there's often so many loose, painful ends.
I'm just surprised and not a little alarmed that I see a lot of comments on this site that are basically making fun of people in genuine torment. Wrong site for
me, I guess. Whatever happened to empathy?

[Cerby]

Again, I concur, searock. "No mistrust on either side, no reason to mistrust by either person." Clear lines of communication. Love to the fore. Overriding
everything. Niggle arises, talk it through. Hardly ever happens these days. I've been on this site for a day and I'm astonished at the cruelty of some of the
responses to heartfelt posts. I thought this was a site for people who were feeling genuine pain through a break-up and wanted a sympathetic response at the
very least. People who just wanted to connect in some way with people who are going through a similar thing. Breaking up with someone you genuinely love can be even worse than bereavement. With death, you at least have burial and closure. In love, at the terminus of love, there's often so many loose, painful ends.
I'm just surprised and not a little alarmed that I see a lot of comments on this site that are basically making fun of people in genuine torment. Wrong site for
me, I guess. Whatever happened to empathy?

There are unfortunately a lot of jaded members from reading the same things for years on end. Take the good with the bad in many of these cases.

[wilf]

Hmmm. Not a friendly, supportive site at all though. Too many people scoring points. A few really nasty individuals. I'll take the good and quit. Good luck, all.

[Cerby]

Hmmm. Not a friendly, supportive site at all though. Too many people scoring points. A few really nasty individuals. I'll take the good and quit. Good luck, all.

Sorry to lose you, but I doubt the really nasty posters here will be too bothered by it. Unfortunately this forum has taken a "glass half empty" kind of turn over the past few months.

[Guybrush]

A lot has been said about trust already, and everyone seems to conclude that the OP has serious trust issues.

Rather than assuming, can I ask the OP: If you saw from the browser history that he has been looking at pictures that you would rather wish he had not shown an interest in (without crossing the line of cheating on you) yet NOT made any attempt to delete it, would you confront him with that? And in what way?

I think your answer to that would be the path to answering your question(s).

[smackie9]

Reality check: single/relationship/married, your guy and other heterosexual guys think of sex with other women other than their significant other. A guy that doesn't is gay. Guys like variety, they will look at other boobs, ass, etc...whatever makes them horny. Guys are visual creatures with a sexdrive that is 100 times more than yours will ever be.There is no solution for this other than death (even in death they have an erection). So you better get used to this because this is how men are. If you can't handle it, go be a nun.