Caught boyfriend looking at friend's photo on Facebook

[smackie9]

IMO if you saw what he was looking at and you are ok with him just looking at pictures of girls anyways, why quiz him on it then. Let the guy have some privacy.

[Alphyn]

Made my day with post #30 smackie. Lol

[smackie9]

Hit the rep button there then Thanks!

[Wakeup]

... unabashed solicitation... *gasps* :o)

[bunnyk]

I just wish to say this, thanks to all who has been posting helpful advice (and not criticism) throughout this thread. I truly appreciate them. I know I seem defensive because some words are just plain attacking and not helping me to resolve the situation.

Here is my final words to end things here... (I won't reply here anymore, you may PM me if you wish.)

To clarify, I looked at the tab history when I first used my laptop to find the previously closed tab. It was listed under the "Recently Closed Tabs" - titled "Drink Drank Drunk Girls in..." Then I decided to check the web history as I thought my computer had a virus. But I could not find them. Then I decided to click it to check what exactly the page has. The photo with the friend's name was on it and I thought the whole situation was weird and confusing.

I asked him whether it was a virus and he denied then I asked why will it be in the tab history and not the browser history. He then admitted he was looking and deleted the entries. I asked him why will he do that and he say he was afraid that I will over react.

That been said, we have sat down and talked about this issue last night and we came to a conclusion and and have settled things between us.

This is true. Why were you looking at the history, OP? Seems like you both don't trust each other...

I'm just surprised and not a little alarmed that I see a lot of comments on this site that are basically making fun of people in genuine torment. Wrong site for
me, I guess. Whatever happened to empathy?

Hmmm. Not a friendly, supportive site at all though. Too many people scoring points. A few really nasty individuals. I'll take the good and quit. Good luck, all.

I came to this site looking for advice and people who have been through the same situation. I was surprised that most of the replies were criticism. If I took most of these the wrong way, my relationship would've failed.. and might have sink into bouts of depression.

A lot has been said about trust already, and everyone seems to conclude that the OP has serious trust issues.

Rather than assuming, can I ask the OP: If you saw from the browser history that he has been looking at pictures that you would rather wish he had not shown an interest in (without crossing the line of cheating on you) yet NOT made any attempt to delete it, would you confront him with that? And in what way?

I think your answer to that would be the path to answering your question(s).

I will not confront him on that.

[smackie9]

I'm so glad I'm secure enough in myself that I don't have to sit down and discuss such things with my husband.

[smackie9]

Tip: don't share a computer....get your own.

[surfhb]

I cant tell you how many things In my daily life Ive omitted from my SO because there would be an overreaction.....Lets be honest, All guys deal with this BS. To the OP....I really dont think theres a whole lot to worry about. Next time he should just leave it has is.....lesson learned.

If you think this is the pinnacle of issues you will deal with in a marriage or long term relationship, then youre in for a surprise.

[smackie9]

I cant tell you how many things In my daily life Ive omitted from my SO because there would be an overreaction.....Lets be honest, All guys deal with this BS. To the OP....I really dont think theres a whole lot to worry about. Next time he should just leave it has is.....lesson learned.

If you think this is the pinnacle of issues you will deal with in a marriage or long term relationship, then youre in for a surprise.

Oh boy you said it lol....

[surfhb]

Im glad they came to an understanding....I wonder what that was exactly??

Was he wrong...Yes. Was she wrong to bring it up....Yes. This whole scenario is just relationship immaturity.....thats my opinion anyway

[IndiReloaded]

Say this:

I'm disappointed you feel you need to lie to me. I'd appreciate discussing your thoughts on this.

Then... listen to what he has to say. Avoid the urge to challenge him or get upset. Good luck.

Guys, the OP got upset NOT because he looked at the photos, but because he tried to hide the fact that he looked at them. I would be upset too! Why does he need to hide things from her?

Actually, "lie" is a very emotionally charged word for such a small offence, agreed. Searocks 'hide' is a much better word.

Anyway, OP, sounds like you had your conversation. Hope this clears things up. The key always is clear, respectful communication. Wishing you the best.

[searock]

I cant tell you how many things In my daily life Ive omitted from my SO because there would be an overreaction

Not telling things to your SO unless specifically asked (i.e. omitting), and deliberately hiding them from her are two very different things. In one case, you just don't tell her something unimportant (as you wouldn't talk about, I dunno, the number of hairs on your feet or something), but if she asks, you would tell, no problem. In the other, you actually don't want her to know something... like you have something to hide, and/or like you don't trust her and think she would over-react. In which case, btw: why be with a person who can't handle all of you, anyway?

OP, I'm glad you talked with your boyfriend and figured things out. Hopefully, he won't feel the need to hide things from you again.

[smackie9]

What ever happened to respecting ones privacy?

[bcgirl]

What ever happened to respecting ones privacy?

Yah and if someone you knew had kiddie porn in their browsing history you should respect their privacy as well?
I understand having privacy to take a sh!t, but when your spouse is on YOUR computer, delibrately deleting his tracks means he has something to hide. Perhaps he was scared about an over reaction, but if someone can not be honest with another about something so trivial suggests there is something wrong with the communication in this relationship. Or she must be very controlling or he must have done something wrong in his mind to try to cover his tracks. If she's mentioned she doesn't care if he looks at other girls. Then the latter explanation may not be so wacky.

[Wakeup]

Yah and if someone you knew had kiddie porn in their browsing history you should respect their privacy as well?

Straw man argument. This has nothing to do with the subject currently being discussed and your comment is equal to me saying: If your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle.

I understand having privacy to take a sh!t, but when your spouse is on YOUR computer, delibrately deleting his tracks means he has something to hide. Perhaps he was scared about an over reaction,

He was scared (not perhaps) he outright told her he knew she would overreact... which means to me they've had discussions already about what he finds interesting, that she doesn't.

but if someone can not be honest with another about something so trivial suggests there is something wrong with the communication in this relationship.

Or perhaps the insecurity within themselves is causing either or to have reason to avoid such communication?

Or she must be very controlling or he must have done something wrong in his mind to try to cover his tracks. If she's mentioned she doesn't care if he looks at other girls. Then the latter explanation may not be so wacky.

Or. or, or or even more speculation.

I too am glad I don't have this issue in my relationship. I think that with time comes maturity and trust and one wouldn't even think to check the browing history of one's partner. If There's been no indication that this man has been acting sketchy in the least, then why even check tabs or caches or anything else for that matter, is the question of the day?

Lesson of the day. Expecting your SO to divulge everything they do or every private thought or the contents of your personal diary is YOU being unable to trust your partner or in the very least, expecting too much of them. Them expecting you to diviluge such things is them being unable to trust or being unreasonable in their "there should be no secrets within a relationship" dogma. JMNSHO.

OP Said:

well i wasn't against him looking at photos at other girls... but he doesn't seem to get this in.. even though I spoke to him about it, that yes he can look at other girls...

I don't understand his act afterwards.. why hide the evidence? I asked him but he never gave me a straight answer.. we've been together for 5 years and this has always been an issue between us..

You have the answer why he hides it in your own words, doll. I've bolded them for reference. He just doesn't want to have this discussion anymore. Not "bashing" you or "attacking" you.. just answering your question the way I (and many others) see it. Sorry it isn't what you want to hear.