Caught boyfriend looking at friend's photo on Facebook

[bunnyk]

I lent him my laptop yesterday and I just found through my tab history that he's been looking at pictures of his friend drunk. She was posing very seductively with another girl. I couldn't find them under my browser history but its in my tab history so I was confused about the picture existence.

So when I asked him about it today, he said that he was looking at that friend's marriage photos (we are planning to get married next year and I'm kind of regretting it now) and he refused to admit that he was looking at their drunk photos until I showed him. So now he's saying that he was afraid I would act this way and therefore he deleted the web history of the facebook entries.

I understand that guys always look at other girls. I get that. What I don't understand is that he thinks by deleting them he won't make me angry.

Isn't this dishonesty? sighs..

[Wakeup]

No.. it's him looking at other girls and trying to hide the fact because he realized you are quite insecure and wouldn't be able to handle him being the visual male that he is.

If you think that you've made a mistake in getting married to him next year over this, then you are correct. Maturity has a lot to do with making a marriage a successful one. As does trust and being secure enough in your love for one another that looking is okay as long as you're not touching. From what you've written, I can't see where he's done anything wrong except to be silly enough to use your computer.

Keep in mind that he "was afraid you would act this way" which means he deleted what he was doing (which was nothing wrong) to try and spare you the angst you apparently get when he looks at photos and himself this kind of third degree. So.. why are you against him looking at photos of his drunk friends?

[bunnyk]

Keep in mind that he "was afraid you would act this way" which means he deleted what he was doing (which was nothing wrong) to try and spare you the angst you apparently get when he looks at photos and himself this kind of third degree. So.. why are you against him looking at photos of his drunk friends?

well i wasn't against him looking at photos at other girls... but he doesn't seem to get this in.. even though I spoke to him about it, that yes he can look at other girls...

I don't understand his act afterwards.. why hide the evidence? I asked him but he never gave me a straight answer.. we've been together for 5 years and this has always been an issue between us..

[Cerby]

we've been together for 5 years and this has always been an issue between us..

This is WHY he is hiding it, because you're insecure and it is just easier to pretend like it never happened than go to war with you about it. They're pictures, which means you probably act exponentially worse when he checks out a female on the street, or while you're with him somewhere else. The fact you're questioning your future together because of something like this shows that you have some major trust issues.

Facebook FTL.

[Boisdevie]

Dear god, he just looked at photos. It's not like he's been out shagging is it? You are so insecure you have no sense of proportion. No wonder he hid it from you.

[IndiReloaded]

Say this:

I'm disappointed you feel you need to lie to me. I'd appreciate discussing your thoughts on this.

Then... listen to what he has to say. Avoid the urge to challenge him or get upset. Good luck.

[bunnyk]

This is WHY he is hiding it, because you're insecure and it is just easier to pretend like it never happened than go to war with you about it. They're pictures, which means you probably act exponentially worse when he checks out a female on the street, or while you're with him somewhere else. The fact you're questioning your future together because of something like this shows that you have some major trust issues.

Facebook FTL.

I am fine with him checking out other girls but I'm just questioning his honesty... in a relationship, isn't being honest with one another the most basic rule there is?

I'm just insecure about our future because I don't know why he is not being honest. I trust him with my life but why doesn't he do the same for me?

[basilandthyme]

For the life of me, I don't even know why you mentioned the photos to him. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

[basilandthyme]

Say this:

I'm disappointed you feel you need to lie to me. I'd appreciate discussing your thoughts on this.

Then... listen to what he has to say. Avoid the urge to challenge him or get upset. Good luck.

Given the OP's defensiveness when we tell her why he'd lie, I strongly doubt she'd listen to his answer....let alone change her behaviour to encourage his honesty.

[Cerby]

There is a difference between honesty and requiring full disclosure about small events. Imagine it, every time you view someone's Facebook profile, having to tell your SO about each picture you looked at so that you wouldn't get in trouble. I could stand that for about a week before the maintenance level became too much to deal with. What happens when she catches him watching porn? Because he does, and probably hides it pretty well.

[aahna agrwal]

Of course feeling jealous when see the one we love to watch another one's pictures. But we can not compel them to not to see. Actually love is not to bound anyone in particular boundaries. Give him freedom and talk to him about this in comfortable manner then he feels godd to you and share all the things with you.

[wilf]

If you're still planning on getting married to this guy, you really need to resolve this situation, otherwise resentment and mistrust will grow and fester. Your
emotional response to these particular photographs does seem a little disproportionate and would indicate a more deep-lying insecurity. That's OK. We all feel
insecure from time to time and, often, it's for seemingly minor reasons. Sit down with him when you both feel relaxed and discuss your insecurity. Tell him
exactly why this is such an issue for you. Listen carefully to his response. Reach an understanding. I wish you luck.

[Fruitsss]

girl if u ask us i think its a waste of our time.

so do what ever u want about it. cause at the end you will do what u want.
and have peace with it and marry him.

so dont ask us , u have your own values.so doesnt matter what we think

[steviej]

To be objective about this we are going to need to see the pics of this drunk girl posing seductively with her friend.

Purely for the purposes of giving impartial advice you understand...

[searock]

Guys, the OP got upset NOT because he looked at the photos, but because he tried to hide the fact that he looked at them. I would be upset too! Why does he need to hide things from her? This is what she has to ask him, as Indi said. It may be because she is insecure and makes a scene every time he glances at another woman, but she has repeated several times now that she does NOT actually care if he does that. So why does he still lie/omit/hide stuff from her?