Please help. Relationship problems and PE

[jdee33]

Hello everyone,

I am in need of some advice regarding a particular issue that continues to negatively affect my love life, and consequentially, many other aspects of my everyday life. I’m not so used to asking other people for relationship advice regarding this particular problem, since it is something that has been a source of embarrassment for me throughout my life. So, I would just like to thank you all in advance for hearing me out. I apologize if this is a bit too lengthy

Ever since I can remember, I have been somewhat of a shy person, particularly around girls. Although I don’t believe it to be the sole cause, I think that going to a religious, all –boy’s school may have been a factor which prevented me from acquiring some of the necessary skills to overcome my shyness. I feel that during my 4 years at college, I’ve been able to overcome many of my fears, which has led me to overcome my shyness in many aspects in life. I forced myself to overcome many fears, including my fear of public speaking, and I have become much more confident in my opinions and views. Yet, there is one issue that has always been the cause of much anxiety, fear, and lack of self- confidence. That issue is premature ejaculation. (I tend to last between 30sec-2 minutes with a condom, depending on how comfortable I am with the person)

While not trying to sound arrogant, I think I am a pretty good looking guy. I’m tall I work out and girls usually find me pretty attractive. But somehow this seems to add to my feelings of anxiety, because I can’t stand the thought of people knowing about my “condition”. The thought of being unable to satisfy the person I love bothers me greatly, because I genuinely feel that sex is a very important part of a relationship. So while I feel like I have the ability to be very confident with women, I am being pulled down by the fear of disappointing my sexual partner. I find it hard to be flirty at clubs or parties, because that may lead to her wanting to have sex, which is something I begun to fear.

For the past few months, I really started to develop feeling for a girl I know (I’ll call her ‘Rachel’), and I knew she felt the same way about me. But knowing that she has been sexually active for a very long time, along with my perception of her being a very sexually open person, made me feel like I should wait before I made a move. Over the past few months I found a girl who was interested in a “friends with benefits” relationship, in order to boost my confidence sexually. During this period, I stayed close with ‘Rachel’ but a short while ago, we ended up kissing. Since then we have been seeing each other, but we haven’t had sex yet. Being with her made me feel like she might be the kind of person who may overlook the fact that I cannot last very long, however last night something she said simply shut me down. She was out with me and some other guys, and as a joke, we told her that she should feel comfortable and join in with some “dick-talk”( we just meant “guy talk”, but it was all just in good spirit). She started telling a story about a guy she was hooking up with recently (to her credit, she didn’t disclose the name of that person), and that when they were about to have sex he came before he penetrated her.

I can understand why she would think it was somewhat of an amusing story, but hearing it just knocked the wind out of me. I could barely speak with her for the rest of the night. She asked me what was wrong but I had nothing to respond. I kept on thinking that I was just going to be her next “humorous story”. Even though she is a very honest and open person, I just can’t stop thinking about what she said and it’s eating me up inside.

One side of me just wanted to tell her everything. I want to be honest and open with her. But after what she said the other night, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’d love to hear your opinions on this matter, because this girl really does mean a lot to me and I don’t want to have to let her go.

Thank you,
JDee33

[pisces25]

So with the FWB relationship, this was happening each and every time?

[jdee33]

"So with the FWB relationship, this was happening each and every time?"

Well, not every time. Firstly, I normally start off by giving her oral sex until she had an orgasm. Only after that would I start to penetrate her. I would last a bit longer using a cock ring, and once in a while I would take a zanax, which helps somewhat.

I usually last longer when I'm comfortable with the person, or if I don't feel the need to impress her. My 'FWB' is considerably less attractive(physically) than I am (Again, I don't mean to sound arrogant). I think that takes off a lot of performance anxiety for me, since I feel like I have less to prove I guess.

This new girl, on the other hand, is very attractive and that puts me under a lot more pressure. Additionally, the fact that I actually like her a lot makes me feel even more pressure, because I would hate the thought of having relationship problems just because I failed to perform sexually.

Do you think I should just tell her how I feel? Perhaps being open with her will be beneficial?

To make things worse, this girl is a family friend of mine. I don't want to have any sort of awkward relationship if things don't go well...

[desktop]

Yes, you should talk to her about it. I say this because I have a handicap that I was born with and I usually tell the woman about it before we get anywhere (physically, that is). Now this doesn't always mean that it's going to go well if you talk to her; I've had many women leave me simply because of this. That's going to happen no matter what you do, because you aren't in control of what the other person does, but it's better for your own peace of mind (and sanity) to just be honest with women about your own issue.

[jdee33]

Thank you for your advice. I just hope it works out