So. it's over right?

**bmarquis** · 13-12-12, 09:17 PM

Been seeing someone for a month, he's 28 I'm 21. Haven't slept w/him yet but he's stayed over a few times. Asked me to be his gf, invited me to his parents house for christmas (I didn't accept or decline, I haven't really decided yet), thought he was genuinely interested in me....when he left my house last week as he was saying goodbye he said "I don't have to say it but you know I do" and he kissed me. Then two days went by and I didn't hear from him. I text him to see if we were still meeting up since we had plans. He seemed distant/uninterested and I told him that. He said "I wondered if you were into it or if i'm pushing things too fast, that's why I backed off a little." I told him I WAS into it and to please let me know if he changed his mind. (Thinking that he didn't have the balls to tell me it was over). He says "I haven't changed anything." Two more days go by....don't hear from him so I text him today just lighthearted joking around. Conversation lasted for a few hours but he hasn't asked to see me again/set up another date.

So....is he over me because I didn't sleep with him? Was he lying to me this whole time? Or he really isn't sure if I'm into him? It's been a week since he's seen me so obviously he's not missing me that much right? He is not some arrogant cocky guy, he is kind of dorky (but i like him for that!) and several times he asked me if i liked him/how much i liked him and I kind of just joked around and said oh a little. I want him to either tell me it's over so I can move on or tell me he still wants to see me. So how do I make that happen?

**Fruitsss** · 13-12-12, 09:40 PM

sounds like u let a stranger sleep next to u and get in a relationship with the same stranger.

stranger cause u talk like u dont know him and his way or how to act now.
thats when u barely know the person.

so if u r his gf why do u think he have to keep calling u now its your turn too, too call.
if it doesnt go naturally its not real so maybe this isnt it. let it go,

**VincenzoG91** · 13-12-12, 09:58 PM

He was rushing things while you were dragging your feet. The abrupt change makes me suspect that a close friend convinced him that you weren't very interested in him. Probably some jerk like me talking about the third date rule. If you want a clear sign of where this relationship is heading, you're going to need to show some serious interest in him. Yeah, it's a risk and you might get hurt if you find out he lost interest. Or you might get things moving again in the right direction. Either way, it's your move.

**Cerby** · 13-12-12, 11:00 PM

Why do people "stay over" and not sleep together? This to me is the most vague signal you can receive from a woman (or man) when you first start dating. What do you do? Build a fort, tell horror stories, and then retire to seperate beds?

Each date in the first month or so should show progression towards what both parties want. If it stalled out, or wasn't moving at a speed he was looking for, he might have lost interest, or pulled back and is waiting for you to make the next move. Vincenzo may also be correct that someone may have told him you weren't interested so he just cut his losses before they piled up.

Your move now, make it. And might I suggest no more "sleepovers" where all you do is sleep?

**bmarquis** · 13-12-12, 11:02 PM

Thanks for answering...It does go naturally when we're together it's just when we're apart and I don't hear from him for a day or two then I start questioning everything. And when we're together he doesn't feel like astranger but now that things changed I guess I didn't know him like I thought.

Well you say I have to show some serious interest...that means I've got to ask him to get together again right? If he doesn't want to that obviously means he's done but if he agrees to it, how do I not screw it up again?

**bmarquis** · 13-12-12, 11:10 PM

Haha ok no more sleepovers. That's probably actually what happened is he gave up since I haven't slept with him. I just wish hed tell me that. Anyways thanks for your help

**Cerby** · 13-12-12, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by bmarquis

Thanks for answering...It does go naturally when we're together it's just when we're apart and I don't hear from him for a day or two then I start questioning everything. And when we're together he doesn't feel like astranger but now that things changed I guess I didn't know him like I thought.

Well you say I have to show some serious interest...that means I've got to ask him to get together again right? If he doesn't want to that obviously means he's done but if he agrees to it, how do I not screw it up again?

You haven't screwed up, don't think like that. You should contact him, ask him to get together again, and just re-kindle his interest. If you've been seeing each other over a month, it might be time to consider taking it to the next level. He asked you to be in a relationship with you, and invited you to his parents, so that means he probably isn't screwing around.

As for accepting dinner, just tell him you think it is too soon to meet the family if you're not ready, but you're honored that he invited you.

**Hotaru** · 14-12-12, 03:56 AM

I don't think it had anything to do with the sleepover or lack of sex. I think there is an obvious difference between what you two want and it's probably not going to work out. He wants to move really fast while you seem to be more cautious. I think giving him anything less than what he wants is going to frustrate him but I could be wrong. You might be able to explain yourself gently and rationally and he might accept but if he doesn't, just know it's okay because everyone moves at their own pace.

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 14-12-12, 04:31 AM

I agree with all that's been said here. I think showing serious interest is going to mean having sex to put it bluntly. I think he's unsure of your interest and at this point, your last chance is to basically throw yourself at him.

**Hotaru** · 14-12-12, 04:35 AM

Doooon't sleep with him, never sleep with a man to get him to stay! It won't ensure that he'll stay in the first place and you shouldn't have to put out to get a date.

**VincenzoG91** · 14-12-12, 04:56 AM

If Hotaru is correct, then it's probably too late to salvage this mess. I bet this guy's best friend told him that he's in the Friend Zone. The best way to prove that theory wrong is to have sex with the guy, and you might only have one shot left. Still, this guy seems like he is rushing things, and that could mean trouble later if it means that he is also needy and insecure.

**Hotaru** · 14-12-12, 04:59 AM

Are we seriously suggesting that she put out?...

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 14-12-12, 05:18 AM

Originally Posted by Hotaru

Are we seriously suggesting that she put out?...

You may suggest whatever you like. I agree with you that there is no guarantee he'll stay, but I also think that she has no other choice if she really wants to continue this. The guy most likely does feel like he's in the friendzone or she's not interested or whatever you want to call it. Only one way to change that perception once it's there.

The fact is she didn't have to put out to get a date. She didn't put out and she got several dates with this guy. Now the guy feels like she's stringing him along or whatever, so he's done. From what she's described, she has not shown much interest in him at all. Why should he invest more time into her?

**VincenzoG91** · 14-12-12, 05:19 AM

Maybe. Re-reading her first post carefully, the first paragraph suggests that he might be a manipulative player, but the second paragraph indicates that he is sincere and insecure. Plus there was the whole invitation to meet the family. I think this guy has good intentions but lacks patience and confidence. I bet that he has been over-analyzing their dates and has lost hope. Now he's pulling back to try to avoid getting hurt. It's going to take a strong, clear gesture to get him back. If not sex, then say yes to meeting the parents. Personally, I think it would be more awkward to meet the parents this quickly than to have sex, but that's just my own personal bias.

**VincenzoG91** · 14-12-12, 05:22 AM

And because of the sexless sleepovers, he will probably misread any subtle overtures as the invitation to another sleepless night of blue balls.

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