Crush during a relationship

[Sbht060]

Hello everyone! I'm new here. I've been having the same complicated issue with my boyfriend. We've been together on and off for three years now. We break up a lot it seems. Lately I've worried that our relationship is too broken to work now. Even when we have broken up, we still hung out and talked. He's my best friend, and I am his. It's hard to stay away from that. I'm worried that the only connection we share is friendship. When I try to talk about the future, he doesn't say anything. He's even told me that he thinks it won't work out between us. If we get married, he said it may lead to a divorce. I tried to put those negative comments aside because I know he freaks out about the future. We're both in college, and his anxiety about even the smallest thing has started to affect us. When finals came up last semester, he broke up with me. The next day he wanted to be back together. I feel like I should not go through that. It's not right. I feel like my perceptions on relationships have changed. I never dated until I was 18, and I've always thought love was supposed to be magical. With him, I feel like I've settled. I've gotten to the point to where I think soul mates and true love is stupid. Maybe I've become more realistic. I want to have a guy that can make me feel like that exists though. I don't want to kiss him or have intimate moments with him anymore. I know it bothers him. I don't know what my issue is. He's a great person, and he helps me with so much! Yet I can't get over the negative comments. Since I'm his first girlfriend, he will sometimes tell me he wants to know what it's like with other girls. It makes me feel like I'm not enough. I shouldn't feel that way. I guess I'm afraid to let go.

Recently, I've began to question my life and how he fits in. I love him and his family, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. If I ask if he is in love with me, he says "I guess." I want someone to confidently answer that question as "yes." We've been hanging out with his coworkers lately. There is one that I've seemed to form a connection with. We've even hung out with just me and him. He was worried it would bother my boyfriend. I texted him to make sure he was okay with me hanging out with his coworker, and he said he didn't mind at all. We even invited him to eat with us, but he was too busy playing games. The guy is really fun. He confided in me about how big of a fan he is of true love. He's told me that my boyfriend would be an idiot if he messed anything up with me because he thinks I'm a keeper. He's complimented me and has been really nice. We even went to watch Wreck it Ralph's short video of the paper airplanes guiding this guy to the girl he was trying to talk to. He even asks me how my day is and what all I've done. He actually listens! I feel like my connection with him is so much stronger than the one with my boyfriend. BUT that is my boyfriend's coworker. I would never cheat. I thought about breaking up with him to allow myself time to get to know this other guy better, but I know how awkward that will be for work and them. The other night I even had a conversation with my boyfriend about what would happen if me and him broke up and got other partners. He said he wanted to approve of the next guy. I asked who he would pick, and he said his coworker (the one I've been hanging around with). I'm not sure what to do anymore with this. I'm supposed to go Christmas shopping with him Sunday because my boyfriend does not want to. That really upsets me.

Please give me some advice. I'm really confused on this. I don't want to make a mistake, hurt anyone, or cause work conflict.

[Leila]

Your relationship with your boyfriend has reached an end. You guys are even talking about your future partners together!!

That thought that you feel that you will miss out on your youth and would never experience other guys will NEVER leave you if you continue to stay with your current boyfriend. You guys need to separate and meet other people or else you guys will continue be stuck in an unhappy rut.

[Sbht060]

Do you think it's wrong that I still hang out with this guy? Since I posted, I've spent more time with him than my boyfriend. We have gone Christmas shopping together, he asks me to eat lunch or dinner with him almost every night, and he's fixed a few things on my car. My boyfriend doesn't act like he cares. But I really am beginning to like this guy. I just don't want to make a mistake.

[Love'sReject]

-We've been together on and off for three years now.
-We break up a lot too broken to work now.
-When I try to talk about the future, he doesn't say anything. He's even told me that he thinks it won't work out between us. If we get married, he said it may lead to a divorce. I We're both in college, and his anxiety about even the smallest thing has started to affect us.
-When finals came up last semester, he broke up with me. The next day he wanted to be back together.
-I feel like I should not go through that. It's not right. I feel like my perceptions on relationships have changed.
-With him, I feel like I've settled. I've gotten to the point to where I think soul mates and true love is stupid.
-I don't want to kiss him or have intimate moments with him anymore.
-he will sometimes tell me he wants to know what it's like with other girls. It makes me feel like I'm not enough. I shouldn't feel that way. I guess I'm afraid to let go.

Re-read your own words and see how ****ed up this relationship is. It's done. You're disillusioned in a way I don't see very commonly, especially so young.