We keep fighting

[gavriano]

Hi there.. Out of nowhere the idea to maybe ask for advice on my relationship problem to someone online popped into my head, so here I am. To explain the whole background could take a long time but sometimes the more information you have the better equipped you are to help me..


The problem is this.. I am madly in love with a beautiful girl. We have been together for over 2 years. This is my longest relationship by far (and I'm 38) I've always walked away in the past when there were problems. Im handsome so I dont have problems finding new girlfriends. Anyway, we seem to fight constantly. We both really love each other and say we want to spend the rest of our lives together but both can be really sensitive insecure, prone to jealousy, sometimes I think shes telling me lies. We argue and go days without seeing each other. We're both quite damaged by our past, she has her own issues and I feel that sometimes its only me who's trying to fix things. I feel that I'm the only one who is really making an effort. There are so many times when I think 'she could have done this, or she could have done that - why didn't she - she's so selfish. she never thinks of me' etc etc' I feel hurt at her lack of care or thoughtfulness and get resentful towards her and start rowing with her. When all I want is some consideration. To see that she's trying as hard as I am. What do you guys think? Is this a common problem?

[bcgirl]

Maybe you are drawn to women who gives you a challenge. She doesn't love you like you love her, so this makes you want her more.

[gavriano]

Thanks for your reply, but the last thing I want is a challenge. I want harmony, intimacy, commitment, dedication. And yeah, I agree that I do love her more than she loves me, and I don't mind putting more effort into the relationship but when I sit down and look at the evidence there is so much pointing to the fact that she doesn't understand the commitment involved. Love is not a word or a feeling. Love is an action. I prove it all the time but she doesn't.

[BlueberryCookie]

How long have you known each other and what are the main differences between both of you that cause so many problems in the relationship?

[basilandthyme]

Gavriano, if you want harmony, intimacy, commitment and dedication, then you're with the wrong girl. Thing is, dating is not about taking on a rubbish relationship and renovating it. Dating is about finding Ms Right who meshes with you perfectly.

Move on from this girl and then work on your own issues. When you're the best you can be, then you'll be in the right place to find the girl who is perfect for you.

Oh, and walking away when there are problems is NOT a bad thing. So often, people ignore all the red flags and get stuck in crappy relationships. However, if you find yourself walking away far too often, you may be wise to look at the type of girl you are choosing to start with. What do your mates say about your dating choices?

[Fruitsss]

I lost my post again. archhhhhh.
Short version :

I think its weird if u did not had a relationship longer then 2 years at that age.

Fighting a lot i think in your case it may be that u 2 are no match. but u
keep forcing it for what ever reason.

If u know that u have issues and u keep go from relationship to relationship changing
woman u need to stop dating any kind of woman.
And go look at yourself. And take care of your biggest issues.
Rather they r from our rocky past or previous relationships.

Cause u can run away from those relationships, but not from yourself.
If u dont take care of your issues they will stay in there and make
your life worse cause they will seek a way to come out.

She needs to do the same. But its up to both of u what choice u make.

Some things u can solve with communication and learn to really listing to each other.
But other issues have a deeper reason that often have nothing to do with the person
u r fighting with , but with deeper issues u have and did not heal from them
and every time something like that deeper issues comes up u get mad or insecure etc.

[Fruitsss]

and good looking is of no use if the personality is not right.
as fast as woman comes to u , they will run away then.

and when u r okay from the inside u will reflect it on the outside and u
will also have eyes for the right kind of woman.
and u can add more goods to the her life.

[BlueberryCookie]

Doesn't seem like both you are compatible. You should date first to evaluate your compatibility with her before even thinking about a relationship. Seems like you are forcing a relationship when there is no compatibility.

[bcgirl]

Compatibility is very important in maintaining a harmonious relationship. You show your love and want love to be shown to you. Some people aren't like that. Find yourself a girl who is more caring. After 38 years and you still haven't figured out that you can't change someone. She is who she is and you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Between me and my hubby, I would definitely be the more selfish one of the two. I'm the type to grab myself food and totally forget to get him anything. He doesn't mind. He is the type to take care of me and enjoys it. Cooking for me everyday etc. that is one reason why we are compatible. I'm selfish, he is self-less and it balances out because it never causes an issue in our relationship.