Love is meant for someone else but not for me...

[walterwhite]

You see, I'm a really unlucky guy when it comes to love. Last week I was talking to a friend of mine, and she really seemed to be liking me and enjoying my company and stuff, she was giving all the signs of being interested in a relationship, until a ''random guy''(her ex) began talking to her, and ''she felt like her heart skipped a beat; she was happy that the guy who hurt her changed''. She hasn't talked to me ever since. Three months ago, a similar thing happened: I was talking to a girl I was trying to get into a relationship with, she was showing lots of interest in me, until she ''discovered a guy worth fighting for, and wasn't giving up on him for nothing''. These two girls now are in a relationship with those guys, who happen to be my two best friends. This really pisses me off, I mean, I feel that love is meant for someone else but not for me, I think I deserve the same opportunity as my two friends, I'm just of a good person as them... This kind of situations really leave me down in the dumps, they give me the feeling that I'm going to die alone with no one by my side... :'(
Now I'm extremely afraid of talking to girls I like, not because I'm afraid of them, I'm just afraid of rejection...

[basilandthyme]

Walter, dating is a numbers game. The more chances we take, the more likely we are to succeed. Yes, it's crap when someone we like isn't interested in us - but that's life. We get over it and try again.

I'd also suggest you restrict your interest to girls who don't have prior history with your mates. Or find new mates.

[walterwhite]

But I'm extremely afraid of talking to new mates, I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want them to fall for another one of my friends, I don't want to fall into an almost-depression state... Now I can't think about any girl without including the chance that she will probably fall for someone else before we start dating. It has happened to me lots of times that I can't even have happy thoughts about girls... I don't know what to do!

[basilandthyme]

I know a few friends who cement a relationship before introducing the person to the friends. Would that work for you? And if a girl falls for somene else before you start dating....well that shows that you need to pull a finger out and secure her affections sooner. If you take too long, a girl can lose interest.

As far as not wanting to be hurt goes, well, it's a risk we all take when finding love. And we all get hurt a number of times. What you are going through isn't any different to what the rest of us have experienced in love. To be honest, it sounds as though you could do with a lot of work on your resilience. The ability to pick yourself up and dust yourself off is incredibly important in love, life and work. Sure, you may be down for a bit and that's OK...but success ultimately depends on being able to come back out the other side stronger and wiser for the experience.

Do some research on resilience.

[walterwhite]

That's the problem, I show interest, I flirt, but the girl always falls for someone else!
I'm not resilient, but I always suppress the anger and sadness this stuff gives me with a smile, I'm an eccedentesiast, and when I can't suppress it strongly enough, this happens. I feel the need to put it out, because I'm not strong enough to support the fact that I'm going to die alone with no one by my side. Do you know how much hatred it gives me for being the only one in my group of friends who hasn't had a girlfriend?... This got me thinking what the hell is wrong with me? What do I have they don't? Ugh... this is really bugging me!

[basilandthyme]

Walter, while you may fake a smile, girls can see through it. Any girl in her right mind won't want to date a depressive. Honestly, would you date someone who is like how you describe yourself? I certainly wouldn't

Get counselling. Sort out this depression and learn some techniques of resilience. Only then will you be able to attract a girl.

[walterwhite]

Let me get this straight: First, I'm not depressed, I'm sad and angered. Second, I know how to suppress my ''problem'' when in public or talking to someone. My real problem is trying to get into a relationship with a girl I like, because she always falls for someone else. This gets me sad and angered, but NOT DEPRESSED, but then I play some videogames, laugh and/or play board games with my friends, and the pain goes away, but there's times when I randomly start overthinking about life(I'm always alone when I do this) and stuff like these come to mind. In public, people know me as ''Walter, the perfectly normal guy who has no problems at all'', they don't know what is going on inside my brain!

[basilandthyme]

at least get help with your lack of resilience. Thing is, even if you do find a girlfriend, odds are the relationship won't be a lifetime one. (this is not an insult -almost all of us have a number of failed relationships before we find The One. The only exceptions being those who've married their HS sweetheart)

When that relationship ends, you need to know you are strong enough to recover and get back out there AGAIN. Given your lack of resilience, I fear that a failed relationship would be too much for you to cope with.

How old are you?

[walterwhite]

I'm 17, with ''plenty of time ahead'', they say...

[HeartIsAching]

I thought love was only true in fairytales

meant for someone else but not for me...

Love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I'm in love, I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if I tried
I thought love was more or less a givin' thing
Seems the more I gave the less I got
What's the use in trying?
All you get is pain When I needed sunshine I got rain
Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I'm in love, I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if I tried
Love was out to get me
Now that's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
Oh then I saw her face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I'm in love, I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if I tried
Yes I saw her face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
Said I'm a believer, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (I'm a believer)
(I'm a believer) Said I'm a believer, yeah (I'm a believer)
Said I'm a believer, yeah (I'm a believer)

[walterwhite]

Yeah, that song's cool...

[janeclarkson92]

Don't worry about it, you're only 17 and once you reach 20 you will have changed SO MUCH that your relationship issues are going to sort themselves out. A small tip though, take more action with these girls and make sure you lead them. E.g always suggest what you guys are going to do for the day etc, "we're going to see this movie" , "hey lets get some food from xxx". Basically be more pro active!

good luck xx

[walterwhite]

I hope I have changed that much, like you say, because I'm not seeing myself that good at 20...

[walterwhite]

But I mean, that's what everyone tells me: ''you're too young'', ''it's not your time yet''... When will my time be then? This really pisses me off, seeing people that don't deserve a girlfriend dating!! It hurts so much when I see my friends or my classmates with their gf's, it just pisses me off... Why can't I have a girlfriend yet? Damn...

[Kingswood]

First advice stop trying to be the "perfectly normal guy who has no problems at all" it doesn't work. Nor does suppressing problems. You're human, it's ok to have times when you're stressed, tired, upset, happy etc. Learn to accept and express your opinions, desires and needs. You're in a place where you need to work on yourself and, as cliched as it sounds, work on loving yourself. At the moment it sounds like you feel you need another person in your life to complete you. All that will do is make you come across as being desperate, you may not think so but to other people it's something that they'll pick up.

Also you say you flirt and show interest, but have you ever actually gone up to one of these women and said "Hi so and so, I think you're great and would love to go out with you sometime, so how do you fancy going for a coffee?" Women are not mind readers, and in this life sometimes you have to actually ask for what you want. If you don't ask then someone else will do.

Love also has a tendancy to happen when you least expect it, and normally only when you're ready for it emotionally. My best friend whom I love was a virgin at 40 because he'd suffered depression. A year ago he started feeling happier and less depressed, he started enjoying life more and going out. We started hanging out outside of work because he asked me if I wanted to do a writing thing with him and I ended up falling for him. We dated for a month, unfortunately we split up as he wants children, however I still love him and would start dating him again like a shot as he's such a great guy. But he's a good guy because he stopped trying to be "the perfectly normal guy who has no problems at all'' and started being himself.

ETA I just read the bit where you say you get fed up of seeing other people in relationships who don't deserve to be in one. What makes you think they don't deserve to be happy but you do? Why do you have more right to be happy than anyone else?