I dont know how to feel

[Pilot]

Hi

I know i'm not liked very much here, but I really need some advice, so i'd be grateful for anyone who is willing to give me advice on this.

Well, as most of you know me and my gf are in a long distance relationship. We both have been fairly insecure about different things. Shes always insecure because I have female friends online, and I am insecure because of the attention she attracts from guys when out clubbing.

Anyway, she asked me if I would promise not to tell her when im talking to another person online, and she also requested that I make sure my female friends know im with her (which they already do) I agreed to this, but in return she didnt give me anything to feel secure about her clubbing and the attention she recieves.

Well, tonight was rather odd. We spoke this evening and she said that we need to cool things abit. That we need to return to how we were when we first got together. She mentioned that she loves and cares for me, but also said she isnt in love with me (I asked a friend of mine about this, but she said she thinks my g/f is denying her feelings?) I was supposed to go and see her for my birthday in June, but she said we should wait and also added that I shouldn't call her just yet. She said that she won't mess around with guys when she is out, but wants us to be all fun and jokey like we were when we first got together. She also said she wants me to see a counsellor for my insecurity. I was thinking about this anyway, I have a doctors appointment on thursday and I will ask her then, i'm also a little cautious that I may have cancer, which is why I originally booked the appointment with my doctor. My gf knows this, but sadly shes gone and put this pressure on me too.

I just feel quite sad though, i'm scared that next week she might change her mind and be all like 'well, I dont want to be with you now'

What do you all think? I know im partly to blame, but I dont think this is all my fault.

[jay12]

Dude, firstly im sorry to say about your health scare man and i really hope your ok.

Secondly, the onl advice i can give is based on my experience and may not be gospel. But iv found that a lot of women (i guess a lot of men are like this too) really only want the first part of the relationship - where everything is a joke and not serious.

Maybe she is denying her feelings because she is scared/does not want to be serious about things (anything in her life not just you). But maybe she doesnt really have these feelings because she is determined not to take life seriously, which was the case with my ex.

Anyway - hope everythings ok man.

[Pilot]

Hey,

Thank you for your well wish. I am hoping its nothing, but if it is, then my life will be ruined. I won't be able to fly anymore.

I guess maybe you're right, she wants us to be all fun and joke, consistantly the same way every relationship starts. With the information that i've stated, what do you think will happen?

[ThisIsSuchAPity]

Hey. Sounds like she is scared to get too serious about things. I know that it's real tough when your girlfriend/boyfriend says that you should take things slow. So I just want to say that I'm sorry about that. I don't know what to tell you. Just back off for a little bit? Maybe she'll come around and realize that it's time to move on to the next level in your relationship. It hard to tell you what she might do. It could go either way. She'll either come back and want more or maybe she will want to end things. Sorry. And from what you said, I don't see how any of this could be your fault. You weren't the only one with insecurities. She also had a little problem with you talking to girls online. How long have you been together?

[Pilot]

Hi

I don't know. She just keeps saying she prefers the way things are now, shes alot happier and stuff, and I just feel so low. Its odd. Shes all happy and laughing, and I just can't seem to see the funny side in anything right now. Its like she don't understand how this is hurting me.

I wouldnt mind as much, but its the fact that I cant call her and she wont let me visit her for my birthday. It just makes me think that we've got to work at things to get to that stage again, but what if she decides she doesnt want me afterall? Then I will have just wasted all that time following a dream that will not come true.

We have been together for 3 months but we have known eachother and been really close for 4yrs.

I agree, not all of it is my fault, but some of it is.

[shh!]

You wrote, "I know i'm not liked very much here..."

Why not? (I'm new.)

If your girlfriend wants to spend weekends partying with her friends in clubs, maybe she's simply not ready for a relationship yet. I don't think you need to make it "deeper" than that (ie. this "denying her feelings" pop psychology BS). You are young; move on. The pain will dissipate over time.

[Pilot]

Hi,

Dont worry about it, I dont really want to go into why im not liked so much here and besides, i'd rather move on from it.

This is the thing though, my g/f likes to spend her weekends clubbing...etc however, it was her that made the move on me. We had been friends for 4yrs, but due to having partners at different times, we only got together this year. I have been hurt alot in the past, and now im looking for something more solid, she has been hurt alot too and she also said she wanted something more solid. So I don't know whats going on really. I want things with me and her to work and blossom, but I don't want to get hurt again.

[Pilot]

Hey,

Just to let you know I went to see my doctor today and I havent got cancer.

Thank you

[jay12]

Gald to hear it mate, hope the other problems are working themselves out to