Girlfriend considering leaving for career

[acousticman72]

Hi there, I'm here as I don't know what to do.
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We are best friends and everything is perfect. We have plans for the future and I see myself happy with this girl forever.
She works for the police comms, and recently had to go to the other side of the country for 6 days for work. When she came back she was quiet. She says she's confused because she would consider moving away to get a foot in the door with the police.
I'm confused because I'm a family oriented type of person. I couldn't care less about a career, job, money or any of that as long as I'm with the people I love and care about. But I get the feeling that she would leave everyone she's ever cared about if it meant moving forward with a career of her choice.
She said she loves me so it makes it hard to go, but leaving is still an option she has to consider.
What do I do? Please help

[RipVanWinkleX]

Wow gf for 7 years?

If she takes the job, can you go with her?

[Wakeup]

If you love her then you'll let her make a decision on her own without your influencing or making her feel guilty. You've already told her how you feel so now, if you're not willing to move then let her live her life. That is what unconditional love means. It means you don't put conditions on the "love" part even if you are putting conditions on the "relationship" part. Life isn't always fair, acousticman. Would she want you to move with her if it came to that and you decided you would leave your family? You don't mention that.

[acousticman72]

We met when I was 16 and she was 15, we've been together since. I'm only 22 but I would've really liked to start our lives together properly this coming year.
I guess I could, but like I said I'm very family orientated. I love all my friends and family to bits and would've never imagined leaving this place. I just don't understand how it's so important to leave everyone and everything you love for a job. I see a job as just money that you can spend forwarding your life. But what's the point if you life stays here and you go away?

[acousticman72]

I would go anywhere for her. But I can't grasp the idea of not having any of our friends or family any where near us. It doesn't make sense to me.

[Wakeup]

Then you're fundamentally incompatible and you'll eventually break up anyway if you don't understand the essence of her and she doesn't "get" the essence that is you. You both have different life goals.

In this day and age of divorce and disposable relationships I would NEVER recommend to any girl that she give up her chances for advancement in her chosen career choice. This isn'te 1950. Women need to be able to take care of themselves just as much as men do and relying on two incomes that only make up the gross take home pay of one is not a fiscally smart thing to be doing.

While I'm on my soap box, I hope you're contributing to your own personal Registered Retirement Plans even now that you're only in your 20's. You'll be glad you did when you reach freedom 55

To add:

I would go anywhere for her. But I can't grasp the idea of not having any of our friends or family any where near us. It doesn't make sense to me.

Did she ask you to come with her is what I was asking.

You can visit your family/friends on your holidays and you can skype with them in between. Certainly, you'll make new friends where you decide to settle.

[acousticman72]

I would never want her to give up any chance she has with the police force. But like she said the point in moving is to only 'fast-track' the process. Where she could stay with her friends and family here and take a little while longer to reach her goals. I see it as we're so young that we should just be happy with each other instead of throwing everything away for a shortcut into what could be a career that she may not even like once she's in it.

[Wakeup]

You didn't answer the question, which was... Has she actually asked you to go with her if it comes to that?

[acousticman72]

She hasn't asked me to go. She hasn't decided if she even wants to go yet. She said she's just confused because she didn't think she would ever consider it but now that she went there for a week it was pretty nice up there. You see, we live in Christchurch, New Zealand where we had an earthquake a couple years back and everything here is absolutely ruined. She always mentions how messed up the city is and that there is nothing here to do and it's boring etc.

[smackie9]

Wow dude the writing is on the wall....she is not just contemplating over her career.....

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You see a career as just a job and money, but there is a large percentage of people that have a desire to push themselves. I really enjoy my job and get a sense of fulfillment from it on top of having a lot of fun with it. It sounds like she wants the same so stop trying to take it from her. Her wanting to get her career jumpstarted is perfectly normal, and your a dickhead for suggesting she put her life on hold to suit you. Your relationship is over. Start moving on.

[BlueberryCookie]

She may be family-oriented too but perhaps she wants to achieve a certain career and lifestyle for her future family and she really needs to move as a stepping stone for what she envisions for the future. If you really love her, support her through this and enjoy the process with her. If you really can't see the importance of any of her ambitions, then it's better to break up now due to to your differences. Do not give threats or make her feel guilty. Loving someone is about being kind and understanding his/her needs. If you are unsure about the move, support her and see if both you grow more in love with one another or grow apart emotionally. Don't rush into marriage. Both of you are still young.

[smackie9]

Ya I have to agree the relationship is on it's way out. You both are not the same people now compared to when you met, you both are grown up now. As we get older priorities change, goals change, and how we see where we are going evolves into something totally different from say two years before. You both want different things, it happens. You are only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you to have new experiences...I think you fear change, and this is your biggest worry.

[acousticman72]

Thankyou everyone for your opinions. I have never tried to take anything from her. I have told her I will support her in whatever she wants to do. I guess I'm different. I will always put people before anything else. Without people, we have nothing. Sorry for wasting your time.

[Wakeup]

She hasn't asked me to go. She hasn't decided if she even wants to go yet. She said she's just confused because she didn't think she would ever consider it but now that she went there for a week it was pretty nice up there. You see, we live in Christchurch, New Zealand where we had an earthquake a couple years back and everything here is absolutely ruined. She always mentions how messed up the city is and that there is nothing here to do and it's boring etc.

In that case, all of you should move. It sounds awefully dismal there, yet another reason why she likely wants out while she's young.