Divorce Rates

[nomas]

(in a Seinfeld voice) So what is the deal with divorce rates these days?

I have my own hypothesis and opinions, but I'm kind of busy to get myself off on a long post..I just wanted to get the ball rolling on a topic I'm interested on discussion on.

Can anyone post some figures that show how drastically they've gone up in the last however long?

What do you believe are some of the factors of these day's divorce rates? What are the most significant factors?

Does this make you think of your own life and whether you want to eventually marry some day? If so, do you view marriage as a lifetime commitment? To what degree? How expendable is a marriage? Do you have to wait until, for example, the man beats the woman half to death before she realizes maybe being together isn't the best idea? Or is it enough for the man to never put the toilet seat down to constitute a divorce?

Chew on that and post something...preferably with your reasoning behind your thoughts.

[Pilot]

Hi,

Well, I have often noticed that marriages tend not to work for many reasons.

I think people have lost alot of respect towards marriage. I have never been married as im only almost 21. However, I have noticed that most people now do not want to get married. I think the factors also come down to peoples interpretation of a relationship. Whenever i've tried to speak to a g/f about the long term, they always talk as if we will never even be together then (I really know how to pick em, don't I?) I think that this is one factor as to why marriages dont work out, because people don't often think of being with their partner for the long term, they do what feels right at the time (so a spur of the moment thing) and then afterwards think of how it was wrong. This could also define that relationships are often too rushed aswell.

[misombra]

[url]http://www.smartmarriages.com/divorcestats.html[/url]

i think people divorce because people didn't know what they were getting themselves into. i think the reasons for divorce change as society changes. the importance of money grows stronger, people divorce because of financial problems. the importance of sex grows stronger, people start divorcing when they're disatisfied with their sex lives.

anyway, interesting topic. i'll have to write more later...

[shh!]

I think the reason for the high divorce rate today is because people often confuse feelings of sexual attraction and love. I believe love is a behavior. We love someone when we are willing to commit to certain standards of behavior, regardless of our day-to-day feelings. The elevation of emotion over common sense contributes heavily to the divorce rate being so high. We all know that feelings are fluid; what we are "in love with" today, we hate tomorrow.

Unless children are involved, I think marriage ought to be based on 10 year contracts which can then be either renewed or ended without social stigma, just like a business contract. If children are involved, I think one should stick it out until they are adults (barring extremeties, of course).

Romantic, aren't I? haha

[misombra]

I believe love is a behavior.

i believe this as well. and all the other things you said too.

[shh!]

I am a genius. You must be, too.

:-D

[Junket]

Well.

Just to add to the statistic.

My mother married 3 times.

Divorced twice.

[Only-virgins]

Seinfeld = not funny show.

As for devorce rates. What do I care? As long as its not me. People care to much about what OTHER people do.

Love =/= behavior....because that would mean that people such as me ( un-motivated/ depressed/ not caring) are in-capable of love...that is obviously false.
Attachment/commitment/devotion are seperate from love and each are their own thing.

[Chlorine]

Nomas-----"What do you believe are some of the factors of these day's divorce rates? What are the most significant factors?"

People are too busy and distracted with their own lives. People are more selfish. Time is money. "Honey, you're eating into my time".

Probably will need to be darn sure before signing on the dotted line.

[nomas]

Thanks for the stats, Sombra...so we'll say about half of first marriages end in divorce.

I think somewhere along the lines of sombra too. As society changes, different factors affect it. I think it's not so much that there are more problems in marriage today as opposed to earlier when the rates weren't as high. I think that there it was a factor of women being more oppressed and they put up with more bullshit from men because they understood that "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do" and for the kids' sake they'd sacrifice their own happiness. Today more women understand they are a man's equal and they're not willing to put up with an unhappy lifestyle.

That's one thing.

The article sombra linked also said something about the divorce rates decreasing since about '81. I think here it's also societal. We're more educated now and understand that marriage isn't a requirement as perhaps we used to consider it. Even today we may feel some pressure from older generations to the effect of "when are you going to get married?" It's funny how it's not if, it's when.

Furthermore..I like shush's suggestion of a 10 year contract..ha ha..that's pretty good..except what people sees to be doing these days is something similar and effective. Living together for a while before "taking the plunge". I think this is a smart thing.

Now when you bring kids into the equation, well that's a whole different can of worms..for now I'll focus on the original topic.

[misombra]

you know when i first moved in with mikey i looked around at some websites pertaining to living with a significant other without being married, you know, living in sin blah blah blah. well many people think that people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce when they do marry because the people involved are living together knowing they're not attached in the marriage realm and they quickly realize that they can't move apart. i don't know, i don't really understand it. i still think it's a good idea.

ov-i'm talking about behavior. depression and all that is not behavior. i'm talking behavior like cleaning that persons house, cooking them dinner, being there when they need you, showing affection, etc. etc. love is a verb.

and yes, people are selfish. selfish bastards.

[Penny62]

I have been married for 23 years to the same guy I met in high school. Things are still great. We have fights but you have to get over yourself and make sure they dont go on to long

[Only-virgins]

i'm talking behavior like cleaning that persons house, cooking them dinner, being there when they need you, showing affection,

I thought those were just normal common sense things you would do. My mistake.

I have been married for 23 years to the same guy I met in high school. Things are still great. We have fights but you have to get over yourself and make sure they dont go on to long

There was a thread with a question if someone could be with the person from high school and actually eventually marry them. Your obviously living proof then.

[misombra]

virg-you find somebody who will live with you and do all those things for you (you didn't quote my "etc. etc.") and tell me that isn't love.

[shh!]

Seinfeld = not funny show.

Seinfeld = very funny show, but not as funny as Curb Your Enthusiasm.

(HBO fan)