Advice what to do please

[Axis]

I dont know what to do and who to talk to, i really need an advice from people out there. maybe you will say something i dont want to hear please go ahead but please do not judge me, i know i did something really stupid by constantly contacting my ex just wanna talk to him or hear his voice when the fact he broke up with me and he doesnt love me anymore. his feeling changed due to long distance and he asked me to move on with my life. Im hurt, really hurt and yet I cant leave him alone, I have no idea how break up is like, he is my first real relationship and the only person Im able to fall in love for the first time in my life.
We were in a loving relationship until his job took us apart, and we are separated thousands miles apart since then.

he broke up with me 4 months ago, was a drama of crying and sorry etc.. from him. But we kept the contact since, went on and off the past few months. When Im off, Nc for about a week and his on and wanna know how am i doing etc.. and then constant messages, and one day suddenly i feel i miss him so bad and wanted to contact him. I saw him moving on so fast and went to party, going out most of the night and having the fun time of his life. While me, struggling here looking for a job, living in a country side and lonely. I have so little money and I dont want to waste it just for alcohol and party. My life is far from fun and the only friend I have is my computer. Due to job search, little money and lonely life Im currently under alot of stress.

Im jealous, I saw him posting so much fun life without me on facebook, I didnt care at all within those months but one night I woke up from nighmare. The thought of him sleeping with another woman and the feeling haunted me like hell, really like real! I freaked out and see his facebook posting happy stuffs somebody send him a gift and looks so special and I texts him some angry messages and then I comment on his facebook. It pissed him off, and he deleted me. After that I messages the girl he seems flirting all the time with on facebook, telling her to stay away etc.. and she told him and he piss off with me.. again.

I push him further away by sending many messages to talk to me and blame him for his broken promises. I really dont know what did I do, and why I did that, my head just crushed and Im really not myself. and now he told me to stop contact for few months! I dont know wht should i do, I suffer so much with this break up. first time real relationship and i feel like want to kill myself this pain is so unbearable.

I know I should've pulled back but I didnt and now he really pissed with me, am I lost him forever? I remember the hurtful thing he said and that he broke his promises made me really sad and yet i still love him and want him back to my life so bad! i wish somebody will slap me so that i can wake up from this nightmare of him and move on with my life! alas, i do not have real friend here to do that, they all busy with their happy married life and dont care about my heartache situation.

I dont know what to do now, and how to have him back. Advice please.. Im devastated.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Well, you already know that you made the mistake by butting in his business. In the end, you just need to forget him. I know how hard that sounds, it will be hard but you have to. You are not going to be with him anymore, you have gone way past that since you kept hounding the woman he flirts with.

I suggest to seek therapy to help though this. It's not a bad thing, I myself will be going though it soon with my own issues and ex. Since you have no money, contact the crisis hotline in your state and ask what you can do about therapy. There are places that can help you with free therapy and they can certainly point you the way. Just to warn you, free therapy means it will be a long time till do you get help.

In the mean time, stay away from contacting him. Read a book, watch movies, play video games, anything that can stimulate your mind. The more you stimulate your mind on other things, the more you can forget him and forgive yourself.

I know being alone in the country can be hard, as I am lonely in the country as well. Just going to have to try your best. Go talk to random people online. I find talking to random people on Omegla can make you forget things; just to warn you, 75% of those people are trolls

[Wakeup]

Go and see your doctor and tell him that story. I`m sure he will direct you to the right specialist and provide you with some temporary anti anxiety medication that will help you to quit obsessing over this man. You should concentrate on learning how to be happy and financially sufficient like he currently is. Being obsessed like you currently are and contacting him after he broke off with you is the wrong way to go about getting past this so that you`re ready to meet with someone new and exciting. Stop all contact with him and if he emails you to ask how you are. DO NOT answer him. Now that he`s broken up with you, `take the attitude that It`s none of his business how you are...

Go to the library (the fresh air will do you good) and get the book The Five Stages of Grief. It`s written for people that have lost a loved one to death however those stages of emotions you go through are very similar to the pain you feel over a breakup. It will help you to come to accept this breakup and get on with your life.

[Axis]

Is there another way but to see the doctor? is it only specialist that can give me the advice of what should I do now?

I will stop contact him from now. I will try my best not to obsessed with him anymore. Im lack of support from friends and family and only talking to you guys here is all I can do. thank you so much for being there.

[RipVanWinkleX]

... I know how that is. I had to go back to my parents because my depression got so bad that I was not really taking care of my financial situation. I lived in a state with no family. Please, before contacting him write a post here. There is a post for that and we do read it. Hell, post random stuff here to help get your mind off this

[Axis]

... I know how that is. I had to go back to my parents because my depression got so bad that I was not really taking care of my financial situation. I lived in a state with no family. Please, before contacting him write a post here. There is a post for that and we do read it. Hell, post random stuff here to help get your mind off this

I have no intention to contact him for now, it hurt like hell when I remember how he treated me. I know a part of me missing him so bad and another part I hate him to death. I just wonder how can I get through this depression with my current situation that doesnt seem really supporting

[Wakeup]

GET THAT BOOK: The Five Stages of Grief. If nothing else, it will help to take your mind off of this guy. There is absolutely no sense in getting yourself physically or mentally sick over someone who doesn't want you. Think about it. Buck up, keep busy, call your friends and have a get together. If you have no freinds then make some by going and doing things where you'll meet other people. If you think about him then consciously change your thoughts to something new. In order to do that you have to have other things to think about.

What do you usually do for fun?

You can't pin ALL of your reasons to be happy on others. First YOU have to be happy and then if your relationship tanks you have your own good company to keep you sane.

Do you have other friends besides this man?

To get through this pain, you have to stop making it some kind of comfort fo you. You're currently making your pain your best friend and that's not going to help you at all.

[Axis]

Do you have other friends besides this man?.

He took the best part in my life, unfortunately I do not have other friends that I share my everyday life, someone I trust, the only person was him. he's my best friends, my lover. Eventhough we were in a long distance but we share everything in our daily life and it was felt as he was with me, by my side. Tell me Im weird but after the break up up to 4 months now I cant have that talk to other people, I tried-hard to meet people and talk to them about anything, mostly boring conversation but I really get bored afterwards and have zero interest to continue. My friends kids made me laugh sometimes but the second the laughing stop there I am in a feeling "if only I could laugh with him" am I crazy?!?!?

[Lubna]

not really

[michelle23]

I agree-look up the five stages of grief. You will be able to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Itl keep you strong until you get through it. And dont be mad at yourself for how you reacted-he will understand that you are hurting and wont hold that against you. Just try to forget him now and move on