Is he Not that Into Me?

[1001001]

What is a good indicator of how much the person you're with is really "into you"? I get the creeping feeling that the person I'm currently dating would rather be with someone better. At this point, I'm fairly certain that I like him much more than he does me.

However, I have no way of telling whether this suspicion arises from my own insecurities, or whether I'm genuinely detecting something. So if you think I'm wrong about what I'm thinking the deal is here, please say so.

I think I am beginning to feel this way because, out of all of our conversational contact, a good 90% if it is initiated by me. It unnerves me that it's not close to even. So I think maybe he doesn't truly want to hear from me, and maybe he doesn't truly like much about me. And we've never argued or anything, so he's not mad at me or anything...it's just either he's really passive, or he doesn't feel strongly about me at all. Usually in the beginning stages of being with someone new, you're excited about them and really like them. Although I'm experiencing that, I'm pretty sure that he is not.

Another factor is that we met through an online dating service, and our profiles tell two different stories. Mine is currently "hidden" (so no one else can see it) and I've ceased contact with anyone else on the website and stopped visiting it. I haven't befriended anyone of the opposite sex on there, either.
However, his profile is still visible and he has multiple 'friends' on there of the opposite sex. And a few days ago I went back just to see if he even checked the site anymore and it says he last checked it that day. I'm not sure what to think about that, so I've tried NOT thinking about it, but it's been troubling me.
It's as if I see no further use for the website now that it's served its purpose...but he clearly still sees some use for it - so has it not served its purpose for him? Even though we've been seeing each other for a month or so now.

If this is true, then I want to find out so I can end it now. I really do not want for this to be the case because he is literally the first person I've liked who gave me a chance - usually, my expressions of interest and poems and such get rejected - but I don't want to be in a relationship where he wishes he was with someone better, or could care less about whether I'm here or not. Because right now it feels like I'm not quite what he wants or something, but is still continuing to see me for some reason.

I know that some of you are going to say that the only way to know is to ask him. However, I know that if I just ask him these things, he'll most likely try to be nice about it - resulting in a less than honest answer. Although I've never handled honesty badly, he just isn't honest about bad things. For example, he attempted to persuade me that a rather scarred part of my body is "cute"...when obviously, it is not.

So I don't know what to do. I'd like to find out right now if he'd rather I went away so I can leave early, than drag this out and have it hurt more when he leaves me.

Thank you.

[basilandthyme]

Hi 73, I think you're rushing things - after all, it's only been a month and you're still at a very early stage. Slow down and relax. Truth be told, if you've previously scared guys off with poems and such, it's another reminder to Slow Down.

Him saying what he did about your scars most likely isn't him being less than honest. How often do you look at another persons scars and think "oh, that's hideous". Never? Exactly. He probably doesn't give a toss about your scars and he's not lying.

Chill

[vashti]

I also think it sounds like you are pushing too hard. Stop contacting him 90% of the time, and let him miss you a little.

The whole online thing may be a problem if you've agreed to be exclusive, but if you haven't had that conversation with him, then you can't expect anything from him. If you haven't discussed it, I think it's a bit soon, and I think you took yourself off-line prematurely.

[Wakeup]

I agree. You don't need to have the "do you have feeeeelings for me" conversation right now but you do need to have the "are we exclusive" conversation with him IMO, particularlily if you are being sexually intimate. I know i'd not want to be one of many.

One month is not a lot of "getting to know you" time especially since you've likely only had a couple of dates in the one month. Step back a bit.