Online relationship...is he taking advantage of me?

[HeartOnSleeve71]

Hi there,

First let me say that I have a very unhappy marriage and ask that you please do not judge from what I am about to say here.

I am new to this forum but I am in desperate need of some advice and your thoughts. I met this guy online and we started talking and having a wonderful time. He is really sweet and genuinely seems to care for me. Once we got to talking and started getting closer, we got into the subject of money. I was honest and told him how much I made (yeah, stupid me). He was surprised to say the least that I made 2 times as much as he did. So, after a couple of weeks, he found himself in a bind and was complaining how he was short on cash and he needed to pay his car payment, had no money for gas, rent, etc. He said he asked everybody in his family to no avail. He did ask me if there was anyway I could help him out. So, Thinking that I was really in love with this guy, I sent him some money. He was overwhelmed with my generosity and was very thankful.

I knew I might suffer the consequences of sending money to a person I don't know but he continued to call me almost everyday and genuinely concerned about me. He hasn't stopped caring or calling since then and he has asked me for no more money.

On his birthday, I did send him a nice present (about $100 worth).

Since then, I have lost my job and actually was a blessing in diguise as I was always stressed and worked way too many hours. I quickly found another job but I make way more less than what I used to but I am quite happy with my position.

Now, Christmas is here and it sounds like he expects me to buy him a nice Christmas present and I would really like to send him one but I really can't afford it. I asked him what he would like and he mentioned gift cards and/or an xbox?! I am okay with sending him a gift card but not in the amount that he would like.

So my question is, how do you all feel about this? Is he taking me for a ride and trying to get all that he can from me?

Another note...he has not sent me any kind of gift and I told him not to. It's not really a good idea due to my situation. he did however, sent me a lovely thank you card with some sweet words that melted my heart. But now that the holidays are approaching, I just don't know how to handle this.

I know this is long but I hope some of you will take the time to answer.

Thanks for any insight any of you can give me.

[Wakeup]

Nice story, sista ... Ask your husband how much you should give him.

[Cerby]

This is an all-around bad situation. Don't send him a gift, and ask him what his timeline is to pay you back the money you already loaned him. Use that money to file for divorce and end your marriage. Then determine if you want to pursue a real relationship with this guy, and not just something online.

[smackie9]

Wow is that how easy it is to get a new xbox? What the hell?

Anyways obviously your emotional needs are not being met so you seek out attention from a stranger to "feel good" and "sexy" about yourself. A lot of people do it, but it's affects to other relationships is so damaging. Even tho there is no sex involved it's still an emotional affair. You are so absorbed in your need for attention, you start to lose all means of reality. You have a husband that loves you, but you love a total stranger on line that you have never met, you send him money, gifts and get nothing in return, but you feel sort of bad you can't send him something nice because of your financial situation. Now your only concern is that you might be taken advantage of. See how silly that sounds? You are looking quite ridiculous my dear. This is your opportunity to look at the how you got to this point and why you insisted on carrying on with this. What's your fear not to end your marriage? Have you done all you can to fix the things that are wrong with your marriage, like with counseling?

You really need to get out of this online situation. On line is a cesspool of losers and con artists that love the opportunity to take advantage of lonely people. It's possible this guy is married too or has other online relationships. You can never know for sure by what they tell you, it's so easy to say what you want to hear and make you believe it's real.

[VincenzoG91]

HeartOnSleeve71, I luv u. can i has xbox? m-wha. pls send nekkid pics soon.

[smackie9]

Hey I was first!

[smackie9]

This is a pic of me. I'm single, between careers atm, but I'm loving and honest...

[RipVanWinkleX]

Those eyes... So, how much do you need Smackie?

[smackie9]

Ya I'm pretty hot aren't I.....300 bucks, I'm good for it. I'll pay you back after the 21st.

[smackie9]

BTW heartonsleeve71 yes you are being taken, right when he brought up the fact he needed money.

[HeartOnSleeve71]

Wow is that how easy it is to get a new xbox? What the hell?

Anyways obviously your emotional needs are not being met so you seek out attention from a stranger to "feel good" and "sexy" about yourself. A lot of people do it, but it's affects to other relationships is so damaging. Even tho there is no sex involved it's still an emotional affair. You are so absorbed in your need for attention, you start to lose all means of reality. You have a husband that loves you, but you love a total stranger on line that you have never met, you send him money, gifts and get nothing in return, but you feel sort of bad you can't send him something nice because of your financial situation. Now your only concern is that you might be taken advantage of. See how silly that sounds? You are looking quite ridiculous my dear. This is your opportunity to look at the how you got to this point and why you insisted on carrying on with this. What's your fear not to end your marriage? Have you done all you can to fix the things that are wrong with your marriage, like with counseling?

You really need to get out of this online situation. On line is a cesspool of losers and con artists that love the opportunity to take advantage of lonely people. It's possible this guy is married too or has other online relationships. You can never know for sure by what they tell you, it's so easy to say what you want to hear and make you believe it's real.

Thank you, thank you so much for your advice!! Now that I think about it, I never really, I mean never really took a look at my situation. You are so right about my need for attention and at times I have felt that I have in fact lost my means of reality. I do look ridiculous and should have never allowed myself to get so absorbed with this guy. My husband does in fact love me very much and it seems that it is me that is not happy in our marriage only because I feel I do not get emotional support or has problems being intimate with me. Being intimate is/was so important to me that I let it affect our relationship. This guy and I do, in fact, have some phone sex and would like to meet each other but now I know it is not right and it is not healthy for me.

So with that being said, I AM going to end the relationship and keep my money to spend on my husband who actually DOES deserve something special. I thank you all for your advice, whether it was sarcastic or not. It helped me realize that I am a fool for allowing it to affect me this much. Smackie I DO have to look at my marriage closer and start working on improving it. Counseling is out of the question as he refuses to go to one but Iam seeking professional help (already made the phone call) to help me find myself. It's so true what you said about what I want to hear and making me believe it is real. There are some other things about this relationship that is not right but it's not really important anymore as I need to focus on the reality that I am married and have a life with my husband.

Thanks again for your kind words. It is greatly appreciated!

[HeartOnSleeve71]

HA! Point made.

[smackie9]

Ya us regulars go off the rails to amuse ourselves, this site is like that lol. Anyways you are so welcome. I am sadden that your husband is not participating in the counseling sessions. Some men are too proud to say they need help, they think it's a sign of weakness. I'm guessing he is in his 40's, and at that age men can have erectile dysfunction and are too embarrassed to seek treatment, so that is something to look into, or he may have a porn addiction. Hopefully you will find a helpful therapist to guide you through on how to get your husband to open up to you more. Communication is key. Baby steps as they say, you can't get results over night. Best of luck.

[Fruitsss]

whats your name on that website and whats the website name. send me a pm
cause i need someone stupid then santa claus to get me some stuff just for fun.

u r so stupid naive and desperate.
stop talking crap ,online relationship doesn't exist.
u r just chating online. so its a chat buddy.

he can tell u whatever and that is not true cause
u believe it all and u dont even know him.
U can only start caring ,knowing and trust when u have spent time with the person for a long time.

but u r so stupid that u do it all in a second.

this dude can use u abuse u by just sitting on his pc.
put some stupid words that he knows u would like to hear on a paper
and its enough to get u where he want to.
if u want to play for sugar momma go ahead.

but dont aspect noting , cause u will get hurt when u wake up and face reality.

[Fruitsss]

i smell some kind of desperate and loneliness and low self esteem here.

work on that and then date someone in real life.
stop wasting time on the internet