I'm a boring partner and I don't want to be!

[Kathy]

Kathy, I wonder if you're really as boring as you think.....you say yourself that you don't know right from wrong anymore.

Could it be that any other partner would find your level of enthusiasm more than adequate?

I don't know, I spend such a big amount of time only with him. He does find me fun, I think that's one of the reasons he got together with me in the first place, but my repertoire has been drained and I guess that lack of "creativitiy" is bugging him. And my anxiety is standing in the way of my creativity. It's a web of problems...

[vashti]

Kathy, it's not your job to entertain him, but it IS your job to entertain yourself. He will automatically find you more interesting if you are doing ANYTHING that doesn't require him. That is why I suggested you pick up a hobby or two of your own and engage in them, with or without him. It's a win/win situation.

And if you find that you like your life and are well-entertained, and he STILL complains, tell him to kiss your ass, and show him to the door for good.

[HeartIsAching]

It sounds to me as if he's changing the rules on you - he wants you to be more spontaneous, make more suggestions, then when you do, he rejects them and blames the rejection on you. Know what this is? This is a refusal to take responsibility - so when it goes wrong he gets to say it's all your fault. This is mental and emotional abuse.

Check out the section of wheel labeled "Emotional Abuse":

[CoolStoryBro]

It sounds to me as if he's changing the rules on you - he wants you to be more spontaneous, make more suggestions, then when you do, he rejects them and blames the rejection on you. Know what this is? This is a refusal to take responsibility - so when it goes wrong he gets to say it's all your fault. This is mental and emotional abuse.

Check out the section of wheel labeled "Emotional Abuse":

lol, cool wheel bro.

[HeartIsAching]

Goes with this one:


Got 'em both hanging in the house. Make fun if you want, but they're a good resource.

[CoolStoryBro]

The first one is funny, the second one is just gay. No wonder women act like they are equals, when men like you peddle this pish.

[smackie9]

I know a lot of women that use economic abuse (giving an allowance, and not let their guy have access to the bank account). One guy I work with isn't allowed to have his own bank card, they "share" one but she has it all the time. Poor guy can't even buy himself a coffee in the morning. It's "being a push over" syndrome. LOL.

[CoolStoryBro]

I know a lot of women that use economic abuse (giving an allowance, and not let their guy have access to the bank account). One guy I work with isn't allowed to have his own bank card, they "share" one but she has it all the time. Poor guy can't even buy himself a coffee in the morning. It's "being a push over" syndrome. LOL.

You should show him HIA's wheels of bullshit.

[IndiReloaded]

Kathy, I think the only thing you should be telling him is "I'm sick and tired of your criticisms. I'm leaving this relationship. I'm going to find someone who loves me for who I am"

I bet it's only YOU making changes to make this relationship better. I bet he's not working at being less critical or high maintenance. It's all on his terms, isn't it.

+1. Tell him to go **** himself.

Really. If he cares, it will be a wakeup call he drove you to tell him this. If he says "okay" or tries to make you seem unreasonable, then you haven't lost a darn thing. Though, really I just suggest you dump him. Guys like this are crazy-makers.

[smackie9]

You should show him HIA's wheels of bullshit.

Why? I believe in the what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours rule.

[CoolStoryBro]

Why? I believe in the what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours rule.

If that was the case, no woman would ever have anything, like it used to be in olden times of yore.

[vashti]

I know a lot of women that use economic abuse (giving an allowance, and not let their guy have access to the bank account). One guy I work with isn't allowed to have his own bank card, they "share" one but she has it all the time. Poor guy can't even buy himself a coffee in the morning. It's "being a push over" syndrome. LOL.

Of course this sounds bad on the surface, but maybe the guy is an idiot with money, knows it, and has agreed to having an allowance (which he blows on porno mags and video games, leaving no money for coffee).

My sister's husband is so irresponsible with money, he nearly put them into bankruptcy. He agreed to allow her to manage the money in exchange for her not taking their daughter and leaving him. I do not consider that abuse.

[HeartIsAching]

Of course this sounds bad on the surface, but maybe the guy is an idiot with money, knows it, and has agreed to having an allowance (which he blows on porno mags and video games, leaving no money for coffee).

My sister's husband is so irresponsible with money, he nearly put them into bankruptcy. He agreed to allow her to manage the money in exchange for her not taking their daughter and leaving him. I do not consider that abuse.

No, that isn't - it's a mutually-agreed-upon decision. Entirely different.

[vashti]

No, that isn't - it's a mutually-agreed-upon decision. Entirely different.

My point is that smackie doesn't necessarily know the reason behind her friend's wife controlling the money.

[smackie9]

Of course this sounds bad on the surface, but maybe the guy is an idiot with money, knows it, and has agreed to having an allowance (which he blows on porno mags and video games, leaving no money for coffee).

My sister's husband is so irresponsible with money, he nearly put them into bankruptcy. He agreed to allow her to manage the money in exchange for her not taking their daughter and leaving him. I do not consider that abuse.

No he is a friend of mine...he has a controlling GF in every aspect of their relationship.