Breaking Bad Habits: Stalking Your Ex on Social Networking Sites

[ruby_red]

I just wanted to say thank you for this post! My recent split with my boyfriend has left me absolutely heartbroken and i have been facebook stalking him and texting him stupid texts that i know what the answer will be to! I am just prolonging my agony and it is not allowing me to accept what is happening. i have almost been afraid to let go as im scared ill not love him anymore if i do let go! But he has told me he doesn't love me enough to be with me so why i am putting myself through this!

I am so relieved that i am not going mental and that this is actually behavior others do when suffering from a broken heart!

I literally cannot stop thinking about him and how i want to message him or facebook stalk him - i cannot even watch tv as i cannot concentrate! Im going crazy!

So, i am going to try your 21 day ex detox - day one was completed today! Only 20 days to go!!!!

x

[monty23]

I find it really hard to not cyber stalk too. My online "husband" and I only HAVE online ways in order to be together (different countries, etc) so it's hard not to do that now he's cut off contact with me. We also met on a music discussion forum and both of us still go there. I refuse to not go there because I want to continue to hang out there with my friends and post my songs, etc. But I also don't want him not to go there anymore because then I'll lose all contact with him, even if it is only passive right now.

It's hard for me also because he IS still thinking of me. Last week he put up a new song he'd written and it was called Meet Me in Your Dreams. *sigh* This is the only way he thinks we can be together now. (for anyone confused, feel free to read my very long thread entitled Heart Broken at Christmas). Also, his situation is what has always gotten in the way of our relationship being stable and unaffected by external things. Not our feelings. So it's harder to let go when I think there may still be something there to salvage. Though this particular time, I suspect he does feel differently about me than he used to.

But I do agree that reading stuff he's saying and doing does NOT help at ALL. If he seems happy, you're insulted and hurt. "How can he be ok without me?!" If he seems depressed and unhappy, you're confused. "Why did he leave me if he's not happy without me!?" You can't help but make every single thing about you, and it probably isn't. Also, it's not DIRECT words to YOU, so they can be misinterpreted very easily as sounding overly casual or flippant or careless when they're not meant to be.

In terms of your ex reaching out and saying happy holidays...this is hard. I would find that harder than anything else, personally, because it seems he has moved on if he's able to be friends like that and nothing more. It's so hard when all you need is for that person who used to love you above all others to understand how you feel and be there for you, and he's the one person who can't because he's moved on.

[love&otherdrugs]

I just wanted to say thank you for this post! My recent split with my boyfriend has left me absolutely heartbroken and i have been facebook stalking him and texting him stupid texts that i know what the answer will be to! I am just prolonging my agony and it is not allowing me to accept what is happening. i have almost been afraid to let go as im scared ill not love him anymore if i do let go! But he has told me he doesn't love me enough to be with me so why i am putting myself through this!

I am so relieved that i am not going mental and that this is actually behavior others do when suffering from a broken heart!

I literally cannot stop thinking about him and how i want to message him or facebook stalk him - i cannot even watch tv as i cannot concentrate! Im going crazy!

So, i am going to try your 21 day ex detox - day one was completed today! Only 20 days to go!!!!

x

Good luck! It's been difficult for me, and I falter from it all the time, but I try not to beat myself up about it, and I just start over again. You'll see. The first few times you snoop and see things you wish you hadn't, you'll get over putting yourself through that misery and making yourself upset over his activity online. That is the biggest thing that is starting to help me stay away from it more and more. I just frustrate myself when I see him "liking" another girl's picture or girls contacting him on his Facebook. There's no reason to put myself through it, but I do anyways. Stay strong!

[love&otherdrugs]

But I do agree that reading stuff he's saying and doing does NOT help at ALL. If he seems happy, you're insulted and hurt. "How can he be ok without me?!" If he seems depressed and unhappy, you're confused. "Why did he leave me if he's not happy without me!?" You can't help but make every single thing about you, and it probably isn't. Also, it's not DIRECT words to YOU, so they can be misinterpreted very easily as sounding overly casual or flippant or careless when they're not meant to be.

In terms of your ex reaching out and saying happy holidays...this is hard. I would find that harder than anything else, personally, because it seems he has moved on if he's able to be friends like that and nothing more. It's so hard when all you need is for that person who used to love you above all others to understand how you feel and be there for you, and he's the one person who can't because he's moved on.

You're right, I think this all the time. I always wonder how he can be "so happy" and "better off" without me and not even care. But that shouldn't be my worry anymore, so I try to dismiss those thoughts/ideas when they pop up.

As for the email, I ended up responding saying this:

Hey J***,

I appreciate your wishing me a happy birthday, however, receiving messages from you is still a painful reminder of the ending of our relationship.

I'd appreciate it if you would please not contact me any further unless it is for reconciliation purposes.

Best Regards,

S***

He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to. Now the line is thoroughly drawn, and I've built up the necessary boundary to mend and heal without constant reminders from him.

[searock]

Good for you! You did the right thing. I'm sure you'll be ok soon, you sound strong and mature :-).

[love&otherdrugs]

Good for you! You did the right thing. I'm sure you'll be ok soon, you sound strong and mature :-).

Thank you! It means a lot to me :-) It's so interesting how "the right thing" is always so hard to do, but once you've done it, you feel a sense of relief and KNOW it was the correct decision in the end.