Help needed on a breakup

[allyk1]

Hello

I just registered but i found the forum and thought i'd register and ask for some help.

I'm from Scotland in the UK and i'd been dating my girlfriend who lived in Moscow since November 2009, roughly 3 years now or so. I am now 28 and she is 31, almost 32.

We had a loving relationship, albeit it often argued. These arguments were always settled with sorrys and ecards. It was never anything major.

I tried to see her at least once every 3 months and it was fine until around this time last year when she said she wasn't willing to wait any longer on me, and wanted a proposal, family etc.

At first i was very much against it, purely as i felt i was being blackmailed but mostly afraid.

In June i decided to propose although orchastrated by her. It wasn't a perfect proposal but i done it.

We then met in October and she wanted to be here by January which i agreed to.

In December things became heated and as it turns out, she had lost her job ( i did not know this at this period). We argued and after 1 week i missed her and emailed her. I created a video for her with old pictures of her and i and her favourite songs. She was happy to see it and we tried again. After 3 days another argument happened which i couldn't help, and again i apologised. She accepted but dictated that i did not contact her again until i found a place for us to stay.

I felt this was wrong and i told her this, and she ended our relationship for it.

Since last Saturday (8 days ago) i have been sending SMS, emails and ecards apologising and asking for one more chance, although on almost all occasions she told me it was over, stop contacting her, she wanted to find another relationship.

It hurt me very much (still am) and it has now come to ahead. Yesterday i sent her what was to be my final email, and she responded by telling me to take it easy and not exhaust myself. Follow up emails sent, she then sends

"We don't know the price of water until the well is dry. The cow does not appreciate her tail until it is gone. We don't appreciate the fire until we are outside"

I sent her the reply saying i agreed with those words in relation to her and i, and that i had learned from the whole experience.

This morning she emailed a reply to wish me a happy christmas. She admitted that she was in as much pain as me, she missed alot and that she wasn't sure if what she was doing was the correct decision.

I tried to convince her to at least let me try again but she continued to say no. My now final email to her was me asking if she loved me, and she responded with;

"I do love you but i am unhappy in this relationship".

All of the emails i sent since yesterday/today had been read more than 3 times by her through my email providers read notification feature, but i am lost on what to do and how she is thinking.

Does she just need time? Does she want me to keep showing my love albeit with messages of don't?

It is hurting me alot at such a positive time of year, i don't know what to do.

Hope i can get some help.

thanks alot

-Ally

[Wakeup]

You guys don't even spend time in one anothers company for any length of time and you argue and break up. Thank your higher power that she has called it off for good. NOW: Don't let her hoover you back in... because: What in gods name makes you think you'd be able to actually live together happily? This woman is using you for her green card and not much more. Find someone in Scotland that you can be with and who has a freaking job.

Surely You deserve better than some woman you barely know who demands that you marry her and get her out of her country and into yours. pfffft.

If you need to get professional help to get over this FLING then do so. Give the sessions to yourself for Christmas because I don't know anyone in here who would give you advice to stick it out with her. If they do give you that kind of advice, then I question their ability to look at your situation in a healthy manner.

Please believe in yourself and the fact that you can do better than this opportunist you think youi're in love with.

[allyk1]

i appreciate the words, maybe i'm blind by it all but she just didn't come across like this. You are probably right though, i just needed someone to put it bluntly for me.

[Wakeup]

I hope you mean that, ally. Stop all contact with her and as I said, don't let her hoover you back in. Find a loving partner with a job in Scotland once you've come to terms with this one not ever going to work out. Don't waste anymore time on her and DO NOT believe her if she should contact you again and want to start it all up again. If you can't get along with her when you're still in the honeymoon stage, then things will surely only get worse when you're spending time with her in your home ~ where she has no money to contribute to the household expenses.

[allyk1]

I do, i needed someone not in my family or circle of friends to put it bluntly to me. It still hurts a little but i feel better about trying to move on now. Really appreciate it.

[Fruitsss]

So ths is one more of that long distance crap??

So you dont know each other. U r just internet buddys.
Or phobne buddys.

Shore there will be much more problems when u are togheter cause \
u did not spent time like a normal relationship to know each other and
know if the person is for u.

I agree with her. Its over move on.
I dont think u can solve anything. U just want to keep repeating the relationship but
everything stays the same.
So its stupidity.

U r no match for her so let it go. If u already have issues ever single minute and
she tells u she is not happy is cause she is not.
And if she is not happy now that u barely see her , it will be worse with a marriage.

[allyk1]

my intention was to bring her over in January to start a family. A little bit more than just dating, but Wakeup's comments were more appropriate i guess.

[DannBurkholder]

You need to think again about your relationship or might be your girlfriend. Looks like there is something missing in your relation.. can be understanding !!!