as a friend or more? Input needed!

[Guybrush]

Based on this last post of yours, it seems that "going with the flow" as you suggest earlier is the way to go.

[gia01]

I wished him happy new year and all he did was reply me "same to you gia" .and that's it. not even like "see you soon in college" or "hope your break is going good" or any such thing. I think he still has feelings for that girl who rejected him in 7th grade. Though, he told me he doesnt feel anything for her anymore but there is still a good possibility. Not that I can do anything about it but just a thought.
It's weird that he's so different with me in person and so distant in texts/fb.

[searock]

Some guys are just crap at texting...

[smackie9]

You haven't shown him any sexual interest, you don't know how to flirt, so he isn't seeing any real signals from you that you are interested. So stop expecting him to be going out of his way for you....why should he is you are not putting out any real vibe.

[gia01]

But why would I show him sexual interest when we are not even close to being in a relationship? This phase is about deciding if we have any potential. He did try to get closer to me by doing stuffs (mentioned in my post) like tickling me, holding my arm etc and I've done that to him too. And as said before if flirting means complimenting and being sweet then I've done that. For me relationship means being great friends with someone so we know each other very well and then get into a relationship. Hence, I want us to get closer first and then decide.
I don't know what's his definition of relationship but from what he said that "How can someone just stick to one person for so long" and the fact that he's never been in a relationship before leaves him unpredictable.

[smackie9]

You are wasting your time then. Move on.

[IndiReloaded]

umm honestly I'm not sure. I mean, I like him a lot but not sure in what way. I wish if we could spend some more quality time together like before so I could see if there is any good spark between us. Not just for me but for him too. And if there is, then I don't mind taking things slow working out together. So, it's basically like I'm not "dying" for us to be together but at the same time since I like him and he's a good guy, I don't mind being in a relationship with him if I see us having any substance.

Based on this last post of yours, it seems that "going with the flow" as you suggest earlier is the way to go.

I agree. Sounds like you are in 'take it or leave it' space. Why don't you just contact him and say 'hey, lets get together for x' and then leave the ball in his court. If he bites, great. If not, shrug. Date other men in the meantime.

[Its.It]

It was almost the other way around for me as a freshman. I was the shy guy who wanted so badly for the girl to give me a clearer indication. So, from what you've described, it sounds like you have a good sense of how he feels about you. In my experience, yes, actions do speak louder than words. What do you want? If you want to know, perhaps you could talk with him about it. Either way, you are taking a risk. Ask yourself if you'd rather take the chance and seek something more with this guy, or if you'd rather not get hurt. It all depends on what you really want. Good luck!

[smackie9]

B
he said that "How can someone just stick to one person for so long" and the fact that he's never been in a relationship before leaves him unpredictable.

This is your red flag. Stop ignoring it.

[gia01]

In my experience, yes, actions do speak louder than words.

He only proves it through actions but proves nothing much in terms of words lol. And here in this case, I don't know too much about him but for me, I'm the one who badly wants him to give me a clearer indication instead of weird mixed signals. We both are freshmen too and college starts from monday so I'll get to see him next week onward. I was wondering if I should just behave casual like I'm happy and busy with my own stuff and let him approach to me. I don't want it to appear like I'm chasing him or something.

[gia01]

This is your red flag. Stop ignoring it.

That's maybe because he's never fallen deeply for someone? After spending that night watching shooting stars, he looked happy yet surprised and said "I've never spent so many hours with just 1 person. It was fun though." I'm definitely not ignoring it. Hence, I'm honestly not keeping too many high hopes. Getting into a relationship is the last thing I want. Hence, I don't want to do anything hastily and then regret and at the same time it's ok if we give it a try. All of it now depends on how he behaves when we meet the next week onward.

[smackie9]

If you don't want anything serious why do you even care...why even be here talking about it.

[gia01]

If you don't want anything serious why do you even care...why even be here talking about it.

You're misinterpreting what I'm saying. That's fine. Thanks

[chenderson325]

His actions clearly show that he's attracted to you. If a man acts that way, you can be sure of it. He is interested in being more than a friend. Whether he will do anything about that is another matter. His comment indicates that he is already considering you as a girlfriend, and he's expressing his natural fear of being committed to one person. He may let that keep him from proceeding further. I think it depends a lot on what you do. If you show some interest and pursue him a little, I'm sure he'd want to spend time with you again. Truth be told, I think it's very unlikely that you're going to find a guy in his (early?) 20s who isn't conflicted and scared by the idea of being with only one person. I think the best thing you, and any woman really, can do is to relax and just enjoy yourself. All this over-analyzing of his behavior is classic woman behavior, and exactly the kind of thing that scares men away. Just take it for what it is and see if you have fun with it. Let it develop if it's going to. Studies have shown that what men, younger men especially, are looking for is someone to have fun with. The less you can stop yourself from any kind of clinging behavior or openly pushing for him to define your relationship as a romance, the better. I know it's natural for a woman, or it always has been for me, anyway, but in my experience what I say is true.

It sounds cold-hearted, but nothing turns men on like just the right degree of indifference. That means you have to show interest, but not a great amount of it. Let him call you. If he doesn't, don't worry about it. Wait long enough and he will, though. I know that sounds like playing games, and something no principled woman should do, but unfortunately, love is a battlefield and isn't won by playing according to just and decent rules.

[gia01]

It sounds cold-hearted, but nothing turns men on like just the right degree of indifference. That means you have to show interest, but not a great amount of it. Let him call you. If he doesn't, don't worry about it. Wait long enough and he will, though. I know that sounds like playing games, and something no principled woman should do, but unfortunately, love is a battlefield and isn't won by playing according to just and decent rules.

haha that's exactly what I've been trying to do. I want him to be the one to pursue most of the times and at times I would do it too but in a very casual way so it doesn't look like I'm being clingy. Eg. most of the times we meet is when we incidentally run into each other in the dining court. So even when I see him, I make it a point that all I do is just make him aware of my existence and leave it on him to decide what to do. And then he himself comes to me and tries his best to get my attention and then talk to me. At times I tell him a hi of my own too but this is what I do 80% of the time.
I just want it to grow stronger gradually with time.