My best friend ignores me

[Johan Pisang]

Hi, all of you!

I am a sensitive guy, living in Stockholm. I am new here and I write in this forum in hope to get some advices. This is something that is too embarrassing to talk about with any of my friends:

I am so sad! The Christmas was past and I hadn´t hear anything from my best friend for weeks. Not a sms. Not a message at Fackebook. She didn´t even called me to thank for the Christmas gift I sent to her, but she has taken her time to both write and call others. I know that because they told me. It was so embarrassing.

The past couple of nights I have been crying rivers of tears when I realized that my beloved little friend ignores me again, after all I have done for her. This is not the first time she act like this. I always use to be the last thing in her priorities, but I thought she would pay attention to me at least at Christmas, but I was wrong about that. I felt so unfairly treated. But still, I love her so incredibly much and I am prepared to do anything for her.

Yesterday, after all this waiting in vain, I couldn´t stand it any longer. Therefore I sent 3000 SEK to her bank account as a birthday gift in advance. To sending her money usually helps, and today she finally called. I became so incredibly happy. It was so wonderful to hear her voice that it was worth every penny. But the happiness was short-lived. I know she has invited a lot of friends to her birthday party on New Years Eve. I hoped that she would invite me too, but she didn´t. Instead, she asked me to babysit that evening. Can you imagine how embarrassing that feels? I pretty much feel tossed aside and it felt as if my heart would be torn to pieces, but credulous as I am, I accepted.

I am so ashamed that I always let her take advantage of me this way. It seems as she just thinks of me as some kind of servant, and that made me flooded with love emotions. I told her how much I miss her and I even invited her to dinner the following evening, when she will come and pick up her daughter. Do you think that was a bad idea?

Maybe I will take the opportunity to talk about this when she comes. Maybe explain how bad I feel about this, and ask what she really think about me, but I don´t know how to say it so she don´t misunderstand and get angry with me. Any idea what to say and how to say it?

However, I am not quite sure she will give me a completely honest answer, but in the other hand I am scared what might happen if she is does. Doubtless it will ending up with me crying and making a fool of myself. So shall I ask her? I don´t know. What would you do in this situation?

Most likely, however, is that I will be so happy when I finally may spend some time together with her that I condone her bad behavior temporarily, and instead enjoy every second I have her nearby.

Thanks for reading this and I will be grateful for advices.

Johan

[searock]

This HAS to be a troll.

In the 0.000001% chance that it isn't, dude, take your head out of the sand and look at your situation. Hopelessly in love with a woman who not only couldn't care less about you, but also mistreats you and outright uses you to her own advantage. This has to stop, you need to take care of yourself.

Why do you think you feel "in love" with her when she "treats you as a servant"? She obviously KNOWS that you have feelings for her, and she uses this to her advantage, with no regard as to how it makes YOU feel, to be used and tossed away as soon as she doesn't need you anymore. Would you seriously want a person like this to be your girlfriend?!

You need to walk away, and get therapy to make sure you don't fall in a similar situation again.

[rayna]

Too long to read...


Jk...I agree with searock. Why are you hopelessly in love with someone who treats you so badly? She obviously doesn't care for you as much as you care for her. So she doesn't deserve the title of "best friend" in the first place. Friendships are relationships that should be two-sided. You chasing after her and she not caring is not a friendship. Sounds like one hand clapping.

[HeartIsAching]

Yup... I smell troll.

[Johan Pisang]

This HAS to be a troll.

In the 0.000001% chance that it isn't, dude, take your head out of the sand and look at your situation. Hopelessly in love with a woman who not only couldn't care less about you, but also mistreats you and outright uses you to her own advantage. This has to stop, you need to take care of yourself.

Why do you think you feel "in love" with her when she "treats you as a servant"? She obviously KNOWS that you have feelings for her, and she uses this to her advantage, with no regard as to how it makes YOU feel, to be used and tossed away as soon as she doesn't need you anymore. Would you seriously want a person like this to be your girlfriend?!

You need to walk away, and get therapy to make sure you don't fall in a similar situation again.

Too long to read...


Jk...I agree with searock. Why are you hopelessly in love with someone who treats you so badly? She obviously doesn't care for you as much as you care for her. So she doesn't deserve the title of "best friend" in the first place. Friendships are relationships that should be two-sided. You chasing after her and she not caring is not a friendship. Sounds like one hand clapping.

Hi Searock and Rayna

Thanks for your replies. Yes Searock, when I posted some questions about this girl in another forum a lot of people thought I made up the story to somehow try to impress girls or something. I don´t know. But unfortunately it is not itn that way.

I am in love with her because I can´t resist her charm. Sometimes she can be very nice to me. Another explanation can be that I am very inexperienced about love and girls. Something I really don´t know is why these feelings of love blossoms when she treats me like a servant, but they do and I wish they don´t come. I always get mixed feelings. Firstly, I am embarrassed by the way she treats me. Second, I get jealous when I think of what she use to do with other guys. This together makes my emotions overflow.

Yes, she knows what kind of feelings I have for her. Unfortunately there is no doubt that her feelings are much less deeper than mine, and we have been talking about that. She is my best friend, I love her more than anything on earth and I dream about her every night. My greatest wish is that we will be together but she don´t have any feelings at all for me. She says she could never imagine that we would be a loving couple, but she says that she likes me, at least a little bit, and I have to be satisfied with that. I know she find it disgusting when I kiss her, but yet I can´t refrain from it.

[HeartIsAching]

She's not your best friend - she just tells you that so she can use you.

And that's all she's doing - using you. Unless you like being a doormat, you need to quit letting her wipe her feet on you.

[searock]

Do you have any real friends, Johan? Have you ever even had a real friend? Cause if you did, you would know the difference. As I said, you need therapy. Get professional help as soon as you can.

[Johan Pisang]

She's not your best friend - she just tells you that so she can use you.

And that's all she's doing - using you. Unless you like being a doormat, you need to quit letting her wipe her feet on you.

Hi HeartIsAching, and thanks for your reply!

Being her doormat... Yes, that was a really vivid description. I feel like one, and that is not fun. I know she´s only using me, but one of my weaknesses is that I never dare to speak up.

[Johan Pisang]

Do you have any real friends, Johan? Have you ever even had a real friend? Cause if you did, you would know the difference. As I said, you need therapy. Get professional help as soon as you can.

I have very few friends, and I am not sure I ever had a real friend, and I've never been with any girl. When I kiss her, it is the closest I have come up with any girl. Maybe that´s why I reacts like an enamored teenager an let her reign over me. I have been to therapists now and then, but it felt quite impersonal. It didn´t give much.

[searock]

What do you do in your life? How old are you, what does your family have to say about your situation? It seems to me like you issues require the kind of help that an online forum can't solve.

(Or you're a troll.)

[xanitus]

make an internet dating profile and find other girls. She is using you and doesn't love you in anyway shape or form and NEVER WILL. If someone doesn't love you u need to move on. I can't believe this is real.. U just need to focus on a girl WHO ACTUALLY LIKES YOU.. make an internet dating profile and find some or meet some in the streets..

[smackie9]

You are desperate, needy and are obsessive. You put yourself into these emotional turmoils that are only brought on by you and not the action of others...yet you blame them for your hurt. I have news for you, you can only blame your silly foolish self.

There is a reason why you are lonely , desperate, and friendless......you have emotional issues that need to be addressed. Just because you love her doesn't mean she HAS to feel the same way or make her feel the same way. Giving gifts doesn't make someone want you either. You are socially inept. Seek out some therapy.

[smackie9]

Sensitive=0

Confidence=win

[Johan Pisang]

What do you do in your life? How old are you, what does your family have to say about your situation? It seems to me like you issues require the kind of help that an online forum can't solve.

(Or you're a troll.)

Ooops! I wish you havn´t ask about my age, it´s kind of embarrassing, but Okey – I am 54 yo. I work in a small stock with promotional material. My interests are fishing, outdoor life and travelling. I live all by myself and my family, mother and brother, doesn´t know about this. I can´t talk to them about this. I don´t expect any help in this forum. It just feels good to get this off my chest by writing about it.

Troll? Yes I look like one, that´s for sure, but you mean if this is a story I made up. Well, you can´t imagine how many times she has humiliated me during all this year, unconsciously of course. I know it seems as she always treat me like this, but most of the time she is pretty kind to me and we do things that friends usually do, and that´s not much to write about. That she is using me and ignores me, comes in periods, and apparently, she has such a period now. Probably she's crush on someone. It use to be like this when she is.

[Johan Pisang]

make an internet dating profile and find other girls. She is using you and doesn't love you in anyway shape or form and NEVER WILL. If someone doesn't love you u need to move on. I can't believe this is real.. U just need to focus on a girl WHO ACTUALLY LIKES YOU.. make an internet dating profile and find some or meet some in the streets..

Yes, I have done that several times without success.