Can exes make a friendship work?

[Lisalost]

You shouldn't put it on your therapist to figure out your career path. You sound like a lazy, codependent person, and this is not the only evidence of that. You're too focused on everyone else. What jobs do you have now? Do you have any idea what kind of job would not make you "roll over and go back to bed"? What are your skills and aptitudes? How old are you? Picking up a second job is a good first step toward your second goal. If you find that you truly are spread too thin, then it's time to prioritize your goals and figure out which would be best to focus on first.

I don't expect my therapist to figure out my career path, but it is her job to help me sort out my issues, and she said that she could help me figure it out. I am not lazy, but the codependency is definitely an issue and something I know that I need to work on. My therapist feels that has a lot to do with my upbringing. My parents were very young when I was born, my father was a drug addict (died of an overdose when I was 22), and I was the oldest of 3 girls. I was always expected to put everyone else first and never to worry about my own interests, school and family were always first. I did what I was told.

I am 33, I have an associate's degree in accounting and work full-time in an office doing clerical accounting work, mostly accounts payable. I have worked in this field since 1999 and have never really gotten any sort of enjoyment out of it. My second job is as a tax preparer, and I start next week. It will be temporary.

I attempted to go back to school once before, but dropped out after two semesters because working full time and taking 9 credits while dealing with serious family issues proved a bit too stressful and I was unable to figure out a major anyway. It was not a matter of laziness - I have always been a good student. I graduated at the top of my class in high school and had a 4.0 in business school and those two semesters that I went back I averaged 3.85 which I was disappointed about, but I had a lot on my plate. I really don't know what sort of work I would enjoy. I had an evaluation done a couple of years ago where I took a bunch of tests to determine my interests and aptitudes career-wise, and I scored high in various areas. They basically told me that I would do well in any field I would choose. I am intelligent, adaptable, and am good with numbers. However, I feel that I would be more fulfilled if I was doing work that somehow helped people.

[Lisalost]

I'm just throwing this comment in so that you may gain a different perspective on relationships. The most important thing in a relationship isn't working or improvements - it's basic compatibility. If it was CLOSE to meeting his needs, he probably would have said something - but chances are that he couldn't see enough potential to bother trying. And him walking away when he couldn't see a future together was a very wise thing to do.

I hope you don't make the mistake of working on relationships which aren't suiting your own needs in future. It's just a waste of time.

We had compatibility and chemistry. We enjoyed many of the same things, and had a ton of fun together. Others described us as just being natural together. However, he wasn't communicating when he thought things weren't quite right, so I never had an opportunity to address them. As I said, he had NO prior relationship experience, and that is one of the reasons he ended it. He feels that he can't be confident in this relationship when he has no basis for comparison. After being together 3 years and living together for 2 of them. He said he had lost the "spark"... but that happens to so many couples, and you work together to bring it back if there's anything left of it. Am I wrong about that?

My needs were being met. I was under the impression that his were too. Like I said, I never saw it coming. He never voiced any concerns or doubts until the day he broke it off.

[phantom694u]

It's not possible. Really.... you can try, but it will end up very messy. Eventually you will have no contact with each other. I know this from personal experience.

[ashley89]

My therapist is supposed to be helping me with this, but all she ever wants to do is try and boost my confidence. Damn it, let's get moving!! I am so frustrated.

lolol ok wait is this comment serious? is she your therapist or your career advisor? her job is to make you feel better and bring up your confidence, but choosing what job you want to do should be your own thing. you're 33, it's not like you're a young teen or fresh out of college unsure what you want to do with your life. I don't know how long you dated this guy but even if it was only a few years you should have had some idea of what you want to do job-wise by that point. this is a completely different issue than being friends with the ex... I would work on these things about yourself first and then figure out relationships

[JackinTX]

I don't expect my therapist to figure out my career path, but it is her job to help me sort out my issues, and she said that she could help me figure it out. I am not lazy, but the codependency is definitely an issue and something I know that I need to work on. My therapist feels that has a lot to do with my upbringing. My parents were very young when I was born, my father was a drug addict (died of an overdose when I was 22), and I was the oldest of 3 girls. I was always expected to put everyone else first and never to worry about my own interests, school and family were always first. I did what I was told.

I am 33, I have an associate's degree in accounting and work full-time in an office doing clerical accounting work, mostly accounts payable. I have worked in this field since 1999 and have never really gotten any sort of enjoyment out of it. My second job is as a tax preparer, and I start next week. It will be temporary.

I attempted to go back to school once before, but dropped out after two semesters because working full time and taking 9 credits while dealing with serious family issues proved a bit too stressful and I was unable to figure out a major anyway. It was not a matter of laziness - I have always been a good student. I graduated at the top of my class in high school and had a 4.0 in business school and those two semesters that I went back I averaged 3.85 which I was disappointed about, but I had a lot on my plate. I really don't know what sort of work I would enjoy. I had an evaluation done a couple of years ago where I took a bunch of tests to determine my interests and aptitudes career-wise, and I scored high in various areas. They basically told me that I would do well in any field I would choose. I am intelligent, adaptable, and am good with numbers. However, I feel that I would be more fulfilled if I was doing work that somehow helped people.

Well since you already have an A.A and two 9 credit semesters under your belt you're probably less than 50 credits from a BA. So maybe 9 credits was too many. Go back and start with 6 credits. Six credits a semester plus three during summer is fifteen credits. In three years or less you have your degree and who knows you may meet someone at school. You're going to have to take some general ed classes anyway so maybe something might spark your interest. Not knowing what you want to major in is not an excuse to put off going back to school.