How soon is too soon to date again?

[getoverhim123]

So I just cut ties with this guy who has been on and off for the past 2 years. I loved him to pieces, but he is unable to commit. Whatever the reason is, I decided to move on. I'm been crying and feeling sorry for myself. I feel I am a good catch and I can't understand why he doesn't love me back. It hurts especially when he was so attentive to me in the first place. Just 2 weeks ago, he told me I was the best company for him etc... Now when we met last week, he told me I shouldn't wait for him anymore... It was very hurtful...

To take away the pain, I decided to write a journal. To those of you who are interested, here it is: getoverhimrightnow.wordpress.com.
I write about my feelings each day and what I've learned as often as I need to. I'm really committed to personal growth and taking the time to learn about myself and feeling better.

I went and hung out with another guy yesterday. We met on plenty of fish and I agreed to go out with him because he was around the area. For me, I was just trying to go out and get some fresh air. But he seemed really into me. He's a good guy on many levels. And so it got me thinking, it's only been 5 days since I gave up my last boy, should I start dating so soon again? I don't want to give up the opportunity to be with him, but at the same time, I don't want to deprive myself the time I needed to get better...

I have texted him to say that I want to take thing slow because I have had bad experience before. I then told him I was going to sleep. I woke up to 8 messages from him saying things like "we can be friends " "is that a yes or no ?"

I'm think I should just take it slow, I don't want to come crashing down again... Anyone have experience and advice to share??

[basilandthyme]

First advice is to be wary of someone who bombards you with text messages. His texts scream 'NEEDY!'. This current guy is one to avoid.

As far as getting out and dating again, my rule of thumb is not to do it if you're still nursing a broken heart. It's confusing for your heart and unfair to the guys you date. Do it when you're truly ready to get back out there and have fun - your gut will tell you when the time is right.

[Guybrush]

First advice is to be wary of someone who bombards you with text messages. His texts scream 'NEEDY!'. This current guy is one to avoid.

As far as getting out and dating again, my rule of thumb is not to do it if you're still nursing a broken heart. It's confusing for your heart and unfair to the guys you date. Do it when you're truly ready to get back out there and have fun - your gut will tell you when the time is right.

This is quality advice, getoverhim123, you should read it and follow it.

Plus, you on a rebound and a needy guy sounds like a recipe for drama. It is definately not what either of you need right now.

Can I also comment that by your choice of screen-name and the fact that you have dedicated a blog to getting over your bf, it seems to me that your identity now revolves fully around your status as heart-broken? I mean, you probably know best what is the right cure for you, but could it be that you are spending *too* much focus and efforts on nursing your broken heart? I am tempted to suggest that you concentrate on taking your self back and finding a life for yourself outside *any* relationship.

[smackie9]

RUN!! run away as fast as you can. No guy truly want to be friends when they are on a dating site. The guy is trouble right from the start....

[love&otherdrugs]

I agree with all of the above. If any guy bombarded me with 3+ texts (let alone 8), I would lose their number and be wary. If these texts were from last night, it's possible that he was drunk on NYE and was bombarding you with texts due to this, but that does NOT excuse the behavior, it just serves as a huge red flag.

5 days is a little soon to start dating, especially when it's clear you're still in the process of finding yourself and mending your heart. There's nothing wrong with hanging out with people casually, but I would take some time to yourself before you jump into something serious.

[smackie9]

No one said dating would be easy....as I recall I hated dating very much.

[fearoflove]

When to start dating again depends on the person. You need to know yourself better. I have been broken up with my ex about 2-3 months ago and I find that dating again sped up the process. It seems to me you are not ready to date now. It is also unfair to the new guy if you are still so obsessed with your ex. I would say, give yourself some time until you feel you are ready to date again.

[rayna]

There's no magical number of days. Too soon is when you still have strong feelings tied up with your memories of your ex.

[stan92964]

I believe the best and quickest way to move on and feel better is to get out there and do it. Just be aware of where you are at emotionally and be up front with who you go out with. Focus on having fun, not developing a new relationship. Date around, don’t sleep around … too many people get this one backwards. Many therapists recommend waiting for a-while which comes from 2 trains of thought; 1. It’s common to have sex as a way of forgetting but that always causes more emotional problems and clouds your judgment … so just don’t go there and 2. Many therapists who are clinical introverts themselves and process internally anyway, think that is the only way to process a break-up. It’s not. If you are an extrovert and process verbally with others, then processing alone doesn’t work well for you. Just stay aware of where you are at and just focus on having fun. This is your life … do it the way you want.