Figuring out "attraction"

[Indestructible]

I've been thinking a lot about (romantic) "attraction", lately, especially with how bummed out I've been feeling with a failed attempt to woo a girl I was pretty crazy for. From my observations and assessments, I've come to the conclusion that the most long lasting relationships are based on two "attractions"; a mental/ emotional aspect, and a physical/ sexual aspect. By the way, from here on out, when I say "sexual", I don't mean it in an overtly "Rip your clothes off and go to town" way, I mean it in a more general way.

Anyway, it seems to me that when the balance between these two is tipped one way or another, two things happen: If there's more of a mental/ emotional connection, the two people probably won't "date" or be together romantically; if there's more of a physical/ "sexual" connection, it's more likely to be a fling or a more shallow relationship that fizzles out quicker.

Now, even though it seems to be super rare to actually find, I think given the right person, I can make the mental/ emotional connection just fine. My problem seems to be making the "sexual" connection.

I'm not currently actively looking to date, but I think until I can figure out this "sexual appeal" thing, I'm probably not going to have much luck getting dates. I subscribe to the idea that you don't have to be good looking to make yourself "sexually" appealing. After all, plenty of not-so-good looking people manage to date, fall in love, and have sex. The problem is, I have zero idea how to actually make yourself "sexually" appealing otherwise.

Not to mention, "sex", in general, scares me a bit. Er, well, not sex, itself, but the idea of it. One reason is because it's a complete unknown to me. I've never purposely touched a girl in any kind of way, and girls don't really touch me in any way except for some simple meaningless stuff (such as high-fiving, or brushing something off my shoulder). So, it's something I have no experience with at all. The other reason is because I have a huge fear of making people uncomfortable, and touching/ "sexual" behavior can very easily make people uncomfortable, and if you're not perceptive enough to know that you're making them uncomfortable, you come off as some creepy weirdo.

So, I find myself wondering how better make myself "sexually" appealing to women.

[basilandthyme]

Indestructible, flirting is the answer to your problem. It's how we express and gauge sexual interest from others. If flirting is mutal, then it's a green light to take it a step further. If the flirting continues, you go one step further again. And so on.

[Indestructible]

I really don't know how to "flirt", though.

[Guybrush]

Just to get to know your problem better, a few questions:

I understand from your last paragraph (not purposefully touched etc.) that you are a virgin?

Can I ask how old you are? And have you had any romantic relationships at all?

[Indestructible]

I understand from your last paragraph (not purposefully touched etc.) that you are a virgin?

Correct.

Can I ask how old you are? And have you had any romantic relationships at all?

Just turned 24 a few weeks ago, never had a relationship, never even been on a date.

[basilandthyme]

I really don't know how to "flirt", though.

I suggest you investigate dating books and blogs aimed at those who have Aspergers Syndrome. Whether or not you're on the spectrum, they will be useful as they are written specificially for people who are clueless when it comes to dating.