Ladies, if a guy proposed in this fashion...

[Love'sReject]

I think the idea of a man lowering himself and going on a knee to present a ring to propose feels like a primitive ritual, almost a cross between a stupid subservient dog and a penguin giving a chick the prettiest pebble. So if I chose (not that I am ever marrying, or at this rate not likely to even DATE again in this life) to stand up and ask, how would you take that?

[basilandthyme]

I find the whole 'man proposing marriage to a woman' primitive and archaic no matter whether he's standing or on bended knee! In particular, I reject the notion that a woman should wait around for a man to propose.

I actually waited for my first husband to propose because he felt that the timing was the man's decision. And I was 20 and knew no better. This waiting around made me feel like I was in limbo land and I hated it. I'd never again leave decisions about the direction and timing of my future to someone else. I could only accept decisions made after mutual discussion.

In short, a standing proposal would not be good for me. I'd rather a casual conversation along the lines of "hey, do you think we should get married?"

Edited to add: the above conversation could be started by either man or woman in the relationship.

[Love'sReject]

Well said. But most humans are ritualistic and traditional; I don't see the majority waking up to see how ridiculous it really is.

How old was he? You were 20 and hoping to get married?

[basilandthyme]

How old was he? You were 20 and hoping to get married?

I was 20 and he was 24 and it was the late 1980's. I'd been living out of home since I was 17. We could leave school at 16 and get a decent job and afford to buy a house back then .....and marriage seemed like the next natural step. I could have just lived with him, but his mother was religious and living defacto wasn't socially acceptable back then anyway - so marriage was it.

I know that not all women of my generation made the same choice as me. My parents didn't raise the option of year 11 and 12 + university and I didn't question it. I just wanted to get a job and gain independence. The option of having a 'career' (other than the female roles of nursing and teaching) simply didn't occur to me.

[HeartIsAching]

Many of our conventions are archaic. Most of our interpersonal relations reflect this.

I once asked a woman to marry me over a radio broadcast. Once I gave an engagement ring as a christmas present (she didn't accept, thank god), and when I proposed to my wife, it was when she asked what I wanted for my birthday.

I'd have been just as happy if she'd asked me. But we still believe in a culture of violence and power. Men still rule through strength of arms, though we're outnumbered by women. Don't believe me? Count the number of female presidents we've had.

[Love'sReject]

Many of our conventions are archaic. Most of our interpersonal relations reflect this.

I once asked a woman to marry me over a radio broadcast. Once I gave an engagement ring as a christmas present (she didn't accept, thank god), and when I proposed to my wife, it was when she asked what I wanted for my birthday.

I'd have been just as happy if she'd asked me. But we still believe in a culture of violence and power. Men still rule through strength of arms, though we're outnumbered by women. Don't believe me? Count the number of female presidents we've had.

Lol, ironic: most of your advice is archaic! Jk...not really. But I am just teasing ya.

[basilandthyme]

At this point I really should come clean and say that my 'husband' and I aren't technically married. We've been living defacto for 20 years with the state recognising our union.

I'd marry if the state didn't reconise our union - but that's for purely practical reasons. No sentimentality about marriage for me at all.

My first marriage didn't 'scare' me off marriage. But it did make me feel that marriage and divorce are nothing more than paperwork. I've got more commitment with my 20 year defacto partner than I ever had to my official husband.

[basilandthyme]

Well said. But most humans are ritualistic and traditional; I don't see the majority waking up to see how ridiculous it really is.

And with this in mind, I don't recommend a guy take the approach which I like. Unless he knows her well enough to understand that she feels the same way.

[HeartIsAching]

My first marriage didn't 'scare' me off marriage. But it did make me feel that marriage and divorce are nothing more than paperwork. I've got more commitment with my 20 year defacto partner than I ever had to my official husband.

There is some truth to this. However, the reason my wife and I wanted to get married was so that should something happen to one of us, the other would have the legal right to make decisions for us. Turned out that the decision to get married was fortuitous. A couple of months after we got married, she was in a bad car accident. I rushed down to the hospital and they let me right in - here if not an immediate family member we're not allowed. Once they'd given her pain meds, I had to sign her out of the hospital because she was "not competent"... even though she had taken the meds not 2 minutes beforehand.

[basilandthyme]

There is some truth to this. However, the reason my wife and I wanted to get married was so that should something happen to one of us, the other would have the legal right to make decisions for us. Turned out that the decision to get married was fortuitous. A couple of months after we got married, she was in a bad car accident. I rushed down to the hospital and they let me right in - here if not an immediate family member we're not allowed. Once they'd given her pain meds, I had to sign her out of the hospital because she was "not competent"... even though she had taken the meds not 2 minutes beforehand.

Exactly my point in the paragraph prior to this. i'm considered to be his next of kin under our laws - but if I wasn't, I'd get married.

[BlueMoonSal]

I think the idea of a man lowering himself and going on a knee to present a ring to propose feels like a primitive ritual, almost a cross between a stupid subservient dog and a penguin giving a chick the prettiest pebble. So if I chose (not that I am ever marrying, or at this rate not likely to even DATE again in this life) to stand up and ask, how would you take that?

Yeah that'll be fine. He's not obligated to proposed on one knee. He can do it while standing up.