My girlfriend made a porno with her ex that is all over the internet

[whatshisface]

first of all, I want to say thanks for all the responses.

I think it's very funny how I am being made out to be a bad person for 'asking about her past.' I should make it clear to you people that I did not ask her how many men she's been with. I don't care to know the intimate details, names, etc. We started having sex without a condom, so I wanted to know a bit more about her. I know not to probe too much into the past as it can cause problems. I touched on the subject very lightly, non-threatening, and non invasive, believe me. And I was open and honest to tell her anything she wanted to know. She lied about anal sex, and I understand that. I never tried anal sex and never plan to. That's not why I asked. And what the hell, if I'm dating a girl I can't ask her if she's tried anal? What is that? I want to know her likes and her dislikes. The thing is, she she said to me 'I don't have much sexual experience, can you teach me?' I mean, she totally presented herself as a different person, you understand what I'm telling you? Her denying she's done something is way different from pretending she's an innocent girl who's never tried anything. You girls get all upset about guys asking you about your pasts it's a sign to the guy that you have lots hidden. You seem to justify her lying to me because she 'feels ashamed,' so this gives her a right to present herself as a completely different person?? If she was abused, been through hard times, shouldn't she trust me enough to confide in me if she really loves me?

I did stand by her and support her through this. I didn't think she should 'do nothing about it.' I only say that I doubt she will have justice, or that these videos will ever disappear. I went with her to the police station!! In fact, if it wasn't for me telling her how she was treated and outting it in perspective for her, I don't think she would be going to the police on her own. So, because of me she is standing up for herself, and I think that has to good thing, no? So you can all say I am a bad person, an asshole, etc, but look at the situation I have been faced with, and how I have reacted?

I could have cut her off and not told her about her video, and it could be running for another two years... perhaps now the videos will be removed (as slight a chance as that is), or the guy will face charges, or she will get justice for this and feel empowered, better about herself, etc...

Yes, girls are young and naive, and sometimes they do stupid things. This was far from rape. She agreed to do these things. I've learned the guy was so aggressive with her in bed, so degrading to her, never took her to his home (only hotels), never met his friends/family, and pretty much met up made sex videos in a hotel for few hours, then they both left. For her to think this even closely resembles a loving relationship, I mean how stupid can you be? And how can you people call this rape? If she was so hurt by the way she was treated, she wouldn't go back to him and continue this for half a year.

I do have strong feelings for her, and I do care about her. But it's true that I will probably never get over this. I will never forget this. I will never take this girl seriously. I can't love a girl I have such pity and low respect for. Yes I shouldn't judge her, and I should understand, but no I shouldn't. She should be smarter than to let this happen to herself. I think I'm going to help her get through the court situation and cut ties.

I enjoy hearing what you all have to say and please continue to add on if you feel you want to..

How did I know some loser was going to ask for the link? Class Act

[bcgirl]

Firstly you two only been dating for a couple of months. In the first stages of meeting each other, people tend to be on their "best" behaviour. This is a phenomenon that happens in all cultures and most couples. She wanted to make it seem like she is perfect wife material and led you to believe she's an anal virgin until you saw cold hard facts that she was caught red handed in a lie. It is emotionally easier to believe that your gf was young and had been manipulated etc by a sleezeball, but in reality your gf was 23 year old adult! It's not like she was a minor. By age 23, you are mentally developed (I hope) to make adult decisions and it was her choice to have sex with her ex. It was also her choice to do all those sexual acts with her ex. If it wasn't her choice to do it, and she was forced by physical force then it would be rape. But I doubt you saw a gun held to her head in those porno clips. Also, it is common for someone to enter in a new relationship and talk trash about their ex, giving a very one sided image. and since you never met her ex, you have been painted a very biased opinion of him but most likely he isnt that horrendous person your gf portrayed him out to be making her seem like a damsel in distress and you are the prince to come save her.
And so what if she didn't look like she was enjoying herself 100% while getting banged anally, many women hate doing such sexual acts as giving a bj or doing anal or whatever... But do so to please their spouse out of love and this act in itself may be more pleasurable than the action of sex. Hmm.. Could it be possible she was in love with her bf and therefore wanted to sexually satisfy him with engaging in sexual acts that turn him on while filming it? If she had no knowledge of him videotaping and putting it on the web, then that is the main problem of the situation. But whatever she decided to do in the past sexually is none of your business. If you can't shake off these images of your gf due to what you saw, then I strongly suggest you get out of this relationship now before you are in too deep with this girl because you can't change the past.

[VincenzoG91]

In my experience, women tend to reveal things that are potential dealbreakers on the second date. Waiting longer than that is deceptive and generally a bad idea.

[surfhb2]

I do have strong feelings for her, and I do care about her. But it's true that I will probably never get over this. I will never forget this. I will never take this girl seriously. I can't love a girl I have such pity and low respect for. Yes I shouldn't judge her, and I should understand, but no I shouldn't. She should be smarter than to let this happen to herself. I think I'm going to help her get through the court situation and cut ties.

Dude....Listen! You wish she'd had been smarter....why!? She has rough anal sex on camera with her boyfriend.....big deal! Thats perfectly normal behavior for many many people. She obviously didnt think you or the world would see it.

So what do you have pity and low respect for her for? That she lied knowing you might be upset over her past? Thats she had anal sex? What she should have said was "its none of your business" or "Id rather not discuss the past".

The ONLY thing you have to be upset over is that she lied.....but based on the EXTREME circumstances, Id think Id let this one slide! LOL Jesus Christ man...think about the humiliation this girl must be going through!

She wasnt abused by thIs guy in anyway until he posted it on the web...WITHOUT HER KNOWING! Im pretty sure you just dont agree with her past sexual behavior is all....right?

Asshole of the month award there Buddy....way to go!! Yes.....get out of the relationship now....for her sake

[Wakeup]

Can I really be serious about a girl who has videos online? probably not. It's a big shot to the gut, any objective opinions on what you would do would be helpful.

Well you've answered your own question and if she's crying for you to take her back then don't be selfish and keep her around as your play thing.. You'll be just as bad as the first guy that abused her was if you do, just in a different less aggressive way is all. Cut all contact with her and let her get over you instead of stringing her along in "friendship." Leave her alone to heal.

[surfhb2]

Well you've answered your own question and if she's crying for you to take her back then don't be selfish and keep her around as your play thing.. You'll be just as bad as the first guy that abused her was if you do, just in a different less aggressive way is all. Cut all contact with her and let her get over you instead of stringing her along in "friendship." Leave her alone to heal.

I agree but the problem with this jack off of an OP is that she didn't know about it being posted on line

[Wakeup]

Yes.. but the very fact that she exercised very poor judgement in even allowing him to film them is a red flag in itself. Chickie has very low self-worth (at the very least) if she'd even stay with a guy who is like what Op describes this guy to be ~ which is an overall abusive asshole. Most woman leave a guy like him immediatly if they're not issued themselves. He's only known her a couple of months. He's not going to get over this and she needs some councelling (IMO) in order to use better judgement in the future. Him staying in her life in the guise of a "friend" is just prolonging her ability to get to the stage of indifference to him so that she can find someone who won't judge her which will be hard since so many men think like the Op does and want a woman who would never do such things.

Now.. If he didn't tell her he was filming them, then I would suggest she contact a lawyer and see what her options are of getting it removed from t e sites that they know for sure that the clips are on. (Even if she did know she should do that)There's No sense her doing nothing and going through this everytime a guy who likes to watch other women do those things, as long as its not his woman will be judging her.

[surfhb2]

I don't think I ever disagreed with you Wakeup till now

Many people enjoy being filmed.....Its not poor judgment just something some people may cringe at. A red flag? No way! Hell I've for some DVDs of my and my fiancé. . Maybe she didn't enjoy it and participated just to please him? Either way....they're not huge concerns if everything else is fine in the relationship.

No know....I think I owe the OP an apology. He has a right to dislike her behavior. Personally I think he's just butt hurt....no pun intended

[Wakeup]

Just because many people do it, surf it doesn't mean there is nothing wrong with doing it. Many people end up suffering the way this girl is right now because they were stupid enough to let some fly-by-night who hasn't even committed to them in a sinsere and loving manner film their junk.

You never know if things are going to go pear shaped and next thing you know a scorned lover is getting you back. Sorry, but I've read way to many scenerios just like this one that I warned my daughter long ago about the dangers of allowing a dufus to film.

So.. our first agreeing to disagree ~ Happy New Year, Surf

[surfhb2]

Yep...well agree to disagree. If its between 2 consenting adults it's all good IMO. Repercussion from past behavior (good or bad) sucks.... But that's life

Happy new year!

[whatshisface]

Yes.. but the very fact that she exercised very poor judgement in even allowing him to film them is a red flag in itself. Chickie has very low self-worth (at the very least) if she'd even stay with a guy who is like what Op describes this guy to be ~ which is an overall abusive asshole. Most woman leave a guy like him immediatly if they're not issued themselves. He's only known her a couple of months. He's not going to get over this and she needs some councelling (IMO) in order to use better judgement in the future. Him staying in her life in the guise of a "friend" is just prolonging her ability to get to the stage of indifference to him so that she can find someone who won't judge her which will be hard since so many men think like the Op does and want a woman who would never do such things.

Now.. If he didn't tell her he was filming them, then I would suggest she contact a lawyer and see what her options are of getting it removed from t e sites that they know for sure that the clips are on. (Even if she did know she should do that)There's No sense her doing nothing and going through this everytime a guy who likes to watch other women do those things, as long as its not his woman will be judging her.

^exactly, getting aggressively anal sexed, degraded, letting guys finish on your face, letting them film you without really being in a relationship, maybe this is all 'normal' things for you to do with your lovers, but not to me it isn't. Perhaps if it was all within the contect of a secure rlelationship, it would be A LITTLE different. What it does for me - It displays a lack or morals, a lack of self esteem, and an overall naivety that will never be ok for me to see in someone who I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Yes I am butt hurt, I feel devastated, I feel horrible for her. I am going to help her deal with the court thing as long as she needs someone to help her with it, and then I move on. I am not going to use her for sex, try to get over this and stay in a relationship, or lead her on with a friendship. I'll help her past this and that's all.

Maybe I am too judgmental of girls who act this way, and that is my right to be. The negative reactions seem to be from women and men who probably behave just as she does, so those opionions don't matter to me, but I appreciate them nonetheless. I posted the 4 options just to hear all the opinions as I'm sure there are many. I've already decided what to do, but I appreciate you all letting me know what you would do as well.

[whatshisface]

she was well aware of being filmed, she did not consent to having them shared online

[surfhb2]

Yep! You are judgmental....and have every right to be as well. Just remember though that's there are many girls out there who would dump you once they know what your skeletons are. Everyone has them.....just something to think about Buddy!

At least you're honest. Good luck!

Just don't mention it to her again or rub salt in an old wound. She's already broken up about something terrible that has happened and the fact her bf is leaving her for it. The nicest thing you can do now is just leave her alone

[searock]

^exactly, getting aggressively anal sexed, degraded, letting guys finish on your face, letting them film you without really being in a relationship, maybe this is all 'normal' things for you to do with your lovers, but not to me it isn't. Perhaps if it was all within the contect of a secure rlelationship, it would be A LITTLE different. What it does for me - It displays a lack or morals, a lack of self esteem, and an overall naivety that will never be ok for me to see in someone who I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Then you answered your own question as to what you should do: break up with her if you can't handle her past.

Yes I am butt hurt, I feel devastated, I feel horrible for her. I am going to help her deal with the court thing as long as she needs someone to help her with it, and then I move on. I am not going to use her for sex, try to get over this and stay in a relationship, or lead her on with a friendship. I'll help her past this and that's all.

This is good of you. Just make sure she knows that you are just there for her as a friend, and that as soon as her legal issues are solved, you'll part ways.

The negative reactions seem to be from women and men who probably behave just as she does

Not as far as I'm concerned - I wouldn't let a guy treat me like that. Not that there would be anything morally wrong with it. It does say a lot about her self-respect at the time, though.

[CoolStoryBro]

I think I found it. Anna does anal, 33,001 views on porn hub. It's definately worth a swatch if anyones interested.

To the OP. That birds a keeper. Things I do for this forum.