I Think my Boyfriend Gave Me an STD...

[scaredstraight]

This is embarrassing, but I have to ask. I really would like advice.

After my first boyfriend and I decided to part, I got tested for STDs, including herpes, just to be certain. I had a clean record for everything.

Now the person I'm currently with (only my second partner) has not ever gotten tested for anything STD-related. However, when I started noticing a few strange bumps around my lip that I hadn't noticed before, I decided to get a herpes test again, since I don't know what else would cause those symptoms. The symptoms I was experiencing seemed concurrent with oral herpes. I'm still waiting on the results.

What makes the wait more dreadful is the fact that, if the results are positive, this means I have to tell my boyfriend that he has herpes...because he's the only person I could have gotten it from. Apparently, a lot of people with herpes don't show any visible symptoms but can still spread it. I've thought (and read) a lot about this, and the only logical possibility is that I got it from him. Any other possibility is remote.
I haven't kissed anyone since my first boyfriend, and I tested clean after him. Nor have I shared any silverware or drinks or any other known method of transmission...except with my current boyfriend.
And I've read that oral herpes symptoms usually occur within 1 month of infection, and this relationship fits the bill time-wise: We've been together for exactly 1 month at this point.

Surprisingly, even though I think I have it, I'm not mad about it.

The question is...if my results come back positive...would it even be necessary to tell him? If he's gone his whole life without knowing this, maybe I should just not tell him? I suppose I'd have to tell him if we broke up so that he doesn't continue to knowingly spread it, but as long as it's just us, does it even matter?

[basilandthyme]

First outbreak of herpes simplex is supposed to be really bad and leave you feeling flu like. This isn't what you describe.

Also, if you've never seen an outbreak on your boyfriend around the time you had it, he's unlikely to be the cause. You can't get herpes off someone who hasn't got an open lesion or a breakout about to happen.

What did your doctor say about the chances of it being herpes simplex? Could you be worrying about nothing?

[scaredstraight]

First outbreak of herpes simplex is supposed to be really bad and leave you feeling flu like. This isn't what you describe.

Also, if you've never seen an outbreak on your boyfriend, he's unlikely to be a carrier.

What did your doctor say about the chances of it being herpes simplex? Could you be worrying about nothing?

True, but not everyone gets those symptoms. There are some people who never have symptoms, and some people who have mild symptoms.

I thought that too, but given that the estimates for how many people have oral herpes in the US are very high (50-80% according to the CDC), I'm guessing it's not too impossible.

My doctor didn't see anything - the bumps are very small. You can only see them up close in a mirror, in bright lighting - but I insisted I get a test anyway.

And yes, it's possible I could be worried about nothing. But I don't remember ever getting pimples or any kind of bumps around my lip before, so something must have caused them. I couldn't think of anything else that causes small bumps localized around the lips that itch slightly.

[basilandthyme]

Mango allergy does itchy small bumps around my mouth.

Seriously though, if your doctor can't see it and your boyfriend has never displayed symptoms, then you're likely worried over nothing.

[smackie9]

First off why are you having intimate contact like that when he hasn't been tested? There are other things you can contract through oral like chlamydia, and HPV (which is linked to throat cancer as well as Cervical cancer). You never go by what your partner tells you....it's way to easy to just lie about it. Make sure he provides the test document to you. And yes you should discuss this with your partner, wouldn't want to know if he had a break out of something? At least talk about him getting tested.