all of a sudden she says she's too busy (and she actually is)

[averagejoe80]

this is my first post, idk where most ppl go so i posted this in the ask a girl thing too...

ok, so i met this girl at a party and we totally hit it off. she actually turned out to be a stage 10 clinger. within a week or two, she had me meet her parents, and she kept saying things like "you're such a good guy, i won't forgive myself if i **** things up with you", and "im such a lucky girl to have met you" and she also told my friend she wanted me to ask her gf within like 2 weeks or so (this was like a month after i met her). i was ok with all of this, cuz shes really hot and i really liked her.

so we're both in college (about 45 mins apart), and i was about to ask her out over break (also about 45 mins apart).. all of a sudden she starts acting really weird and takes forever to return my texts (when she used to text me 100 times a day instantly and initiate almost everything). at first i play it cool but then i call her out and she says she cant handle a commitment right now and her heads all over the place (this is literally days after shes practically getting ready to marry me). i tell her to clear her head, and we stop talking for a bit.. we start again, and she seemed cool and was like i was just overthinking things. we eventually go out again (after much finagling on my part) and it seems to go well. so i keep persistently trying to see her again (because at the start she was setting the pace at trying to see me as much as possible). her texting almost stops completely now, and she finally says sorry i havent been replying sooner, but im really busy and will be for the next couple weeks... to be fair, shes been talking about all this shit that she has to do coming up so her story does check out. but even still, a few weeks ago she sounded like she would do anything to see me. believe me when i say, at the beginning, she was initiating everything (i wouldve, but she wouldnt even give me the chance). it was deinitely the most interested ive ever seen a girl. and like i said the fact that she had me meet her parents, leads me to believe this isnt what she does to all guys

so i told her i get it, and if she ever had some free time, id like to see her. now i do really like this girl and she was clearly into me a month ago. obviously she could have lost interest and is trying to let me down easy? but assuming she is in fact just going to be super busy for the next few weeks (which is definitely true), what is my best bet? the way it is now, she knows that she can have me whenever (which i know is usually bad)- but like i said that was pretty much because she threw herself at me right away, so there was not much sense in hiding that i liked her for too long. is it in my best interests to just come back to her as soon as shes ready? should i be trying to text her all along, or should i completely cut off contact til she starts it up? also, she might be worried that since were both graduating soon it wont work out- i would try my best to make it work, but it is way too early for me to even bring that up to her, no? the last possibility is that she is not happy that im going so slow... weve hung out like 2.5 times and gone on like 2.5 actual dates.. there have really not been much opportunity for much alone time to put on the moves.. there has been alot of physical contact, and i always go for the goodnight kiss, but otherwise nothing further, which i think shes mad at. i think this is a reasonable pace, but i think shes used to much faster.. ive been trying to get her to hang out to fix this, but like i said, towards the end, its been near impossible.

[tomyumgoong]

i think u should play it cool. i get that u may like her but the fact that she went all cold on u after being fully invested is strange to me. do u know why she's busy all of a sudden? hopefully she told u whats been occupying her time lately. i would avoid contacting her and see how she reacts to that. if u get nothing from her then there u go. hopefully she still has u n mind but is just honestly busy, it does happen. good luck to u man.

[averagejoe80]

i think u should play it cool. i get that u may like her but the fact that she went all cold on u after being fully invested is strange to me. do u know why she's busy all of a sudden? hopefully she told u whats been occupying her time lately. i would avoid contacting her and see how she reacts to that. if u get nothing from her then there u go. hopefully she still has u n mind but is just honestly busy, it does happen. good luck to u man.

yeah like i said were both graduating.. she seems like the type that gets stressed easily, so it may be starting to sink in that shes got like 3 months left of college. anyways, shes got a whole bunch of stuff to do for her postgrad employment, plus exit exams, and shes working too to get money. so she is definitely busy. if this is the case, should i try to talk to her and be like super understanding and doing stuff around her schedule? or cut off the contact and hope she gets afraid shes gonna lose me?

[Woods]

It's not the best sign when you're having to battle for someones attention so soon. If someone wants to be with you then they'll make the time to do it. Although, to be fair she obviously has a lot on and it seems like she's coming to a point of change in her life. I'd give her space to go through that. If you're really keen to pursue it then maybe just give her a call every so often to ask how she's getting on.

Personally, I'm always wary of people who start off really intense in a relationship and want to move fast. Their interest tends to burn out.

[averagejoe80]

It's not the best sign when you're having to battle for someones attention so soon. If someone wants to be with you then they'll make the time to do it. Although, to be fair she obviously has a lot on and it seems like she's coming to a point of change in her life. I'd give her space to go through that. If you're really keen to pursue it then maybe just give her a call every so often to ask how she's getting on.

Personally, I'm always wary of people who start off really intense in a relationship and want to move fast. Their interest tends to burn out.

i would tend to agree. but like i said, she doesnt get like this with everyone i know for a fact- like i said she had me meet her parents, and they would never condone of her bringing home a different guy every week she just met at a party.. she was so excited about introducing me to them, to show them what a good guy she finally found and all.. and to be fair, she keeps posting on fb about how busy shes gonna be over the next few weeks.. so i really dont know if my best move is to let her go and hope she comes back or what (like i said im on a very harsh timeline, so the longer it doesnt happen the less likely shell want to start something serious)

[tomyumgoong]

I wouldnt cut her off contact completely but as woods said, i would give her space and time for her to get her things done. Every once n awhile i would see how shes doing and maybe take her out to clear her head and have a little fun maybe. Dont keep contacting her because u want to b respectful of her busy schedule.

[IndiReloaded]

Slow and steady wins the girl. If it wasn't for your comment she is very busy, I would have said she met someone else. Its odd to go from hot to cold suddenly like that.

[averagejoe80]

I wouldnt cut her off contact completely but as woods said, i would give her space and time for her to get her things done. Every once n awhile i would see how shes doing and maybe take her out to clear her head and have a little fun maybe. Dont keep contacting her because u want to b respectful of her busy schedule.

Slow and steady wins the girl. If it wasn't for your comment she is very busy, I would have said she met someone else. Its odd to go from hot to cold suddenly like that.

again very valid.. and this isnt just hot to cold, this is scorching fire to an ice berg... she texted me again today to respond to me saying id still like to hang out with her if shes free- she essentially said, she wishes could now, but shes falling behind and she really have to focus on this for now (which is definitely true; she may have lost interest too i suppose, but her reason is definitely valid).... i know this wouldnt ordinarily be the case, but i just think shes getting really stressed out about graduation and her career and everything- possibly even thinking that even though she does really like me, that its foolish (and possibly certain heartbreak) to start something this close to such a dramatic life change (shes never said this at all, but that one of my possibilities..

now with all that considered, do you guys still think my move is to play it cool and give her space.. or maybe say like "well i do really wanna see where this goes so id try my best to make it work"? i just think that i can definitely get her back, but i need to play my cards right or else i lose my chance.. so idk whether or not to seem like i care about her and am still interested (where i seem like she has me around her finger), or seem less interested and make her come back (where she can more likely forget about me)

[Woods]

She's said pretty loud and clear that she needs space to place her focus elsewhere right now. I think it's best to take her at her word and give what she is asking for. I know this is a dramatic change from how she started but priorities change and you have to respect that.

If you check in with her every so often then she will know you are still interested. When this process is through she will either take your offer up or choose to move on. Either way you will see if it's a relationship that she wants.

[averagejoe80]

She's said pretty loud and clear that she needs space to place her focus elsewhere right now. I think it's best to take her at her word and give what she is asking for. I know this is a dramatic change from how she started but priorities change and you have to respect that.

If you check in with her every so often then she will know you are still interested. When this process is through she will either take your offer up or choose to move on. Either way you will see if it's a relationship that she wants.

but do you think checking up on her every week or so is the right move (thus maintaing interest but making me look possibly "pathetic" that i have so much more invested in her than she does in me)? or not contacting her at all unless she does me (possibly making her feel like i wasnt as interested as i claimed, but also forcing her to make a move if she wants to keep me)? at this point ive made it pretty clear im interested.. i just dont know which to do to get her interest back to where it started.. like i said i think im on thin ice but i can definitely get her back if i do the right thing but theres a downside to whatever i do