Is FLIRTING ONLINE with a married man is Okay?? Need advice..

[YLvanna]

I've meet this guy online, and as time goes by, we're getting closed, I've known him for few months now, and I to him also. We're comfortable with each other, and we could throw jokes at each other, he's so fun to talk to, and those kidding talks went to dirty talks.. Like we're responding in chat in a playful way. And there's so much to it...Errrrr So much for that.

The PROBLEM is I'm getting, getting into him!! and He's notttt...well because he said he's married.. So I really don't know what to do, he still keep on teasing me, sending me mesages.. I don't know If should reply or not, of course I can't just ignore him.

So please tell me what should I do???

[Wakeup]

How would you feel if you were his wife and he was talking to some naive and desperate young lady like yourself to the point that he was masturbating with her? Would you like that your husband was doing that with another? Ask to speak to his wife and if she is okay with him doing this with you and she tells
you directly that it is alright, then and only then would it be "okay." *(get his phone number and call her or skype this request with her so that you know it's not just him pretended to be her)

[YLvanna]

I am not allowed to ask for his personal information except his name. Errr... and I'm not that naive and desperate, if he was my husband I wouldn't let him be lonely, and I'll make everything to make him happy so he wouldn't need to be bored and look for some attention.

Thanks for the response btw.

[HeartIsAching]

So you blame the wife for his bad behavior? It's not her fault he's doing this, it's his.

No, it's not ok. You don't really need us to tell you that.

[Fruitss]

U know its wrong so why r u asking?
From chat comes actions .

Move on there are plenty of single sites.

[Wakeup]

I am not allowed to ask for his personal information except his name. Errr... and I'm not that naive and desperate, if he was my husband I wouldn't let him be lonely, and I'll make everything to make him happy so he wouldn't need to be bored and look for some attention.

Thanks for the response btw.

I didn't ask you what you would do. I asked you how would you like it if a desperate and silly little girl like you was playing online bs with your husband. So, how would you feel?

[TeensCosmo]

I will give you a direct answer to your question. IT IS NOT OKAY. And you know it.

[vashti]

I am not allowed to ask for his personal information except his name. Errr... and I'm not that naive and desperate

You aren't naive or desperate? Then why are you wasting your time with a faceless married stranger (who is probably lying about the nature of his marriage) rather than meeting real-life people you can engage with?

[smackie9]

You came here with a question and I'm going to answer it. You should just end it, and ignore him. You will never get what you want for a relationship with him. He isn't interested in leaving his wife so he, instead chose to have emotional affairs with strange women online. Don't think for a second you are the only one he is doing this too, I'm sure he is flirting with other women besides yourself. It's easy to lie and get away with it when it comes to online affairs.

When people cheat, they will downplay the status of their marriage or relationship. I doubt there are any real issues with his marriage, the man is just bored, and won't communicate this to his wife. His fix is to cheat.

You are in a position of vulnerability, because you are starting to have feelings...when emotions get intense you loose all sense of reality and it turns into fantasy. Online relationships are 10% reality and 90% fantasy. You just don't realize how lonely you are, until you are faced with the startling facts it will not go any further than the computer.

[Scarlet_P]

OK, you're not cheating. If anyone is, he is, there's possibly a reason for that, and then again possibly not, other than what smackie9 says, which is he is bored.

Is it wrong to have someone cheat with you? If you're not cheating on anyone, and are single, surely it lies with the other person to be faithful?

Depends how you define cheating. Does it have to be physical? If thinking about other people, when you're in a relationship counts as cheating, then I think that comdemns just about everyone. However, cyber sex...that's a tricky one. I don't think his wife would be very chuffed if she found out - it's the possibility of the cheating that leads to the actual thing, like planning to rob a bank. If you thought you could rob a bank and get away with it, 100%, would you?

[Wakeup]

OK, you're not cheating. If anyone is, he is,

She's cheating herself.

there's possibly a reason for that, and then again possibly not, other than what smackie9 says, which is he is bored.

Or he's just an asshole taking advantage of naive and desperate women over the internet?

Is it wrong to have someone cheat with you? If you're not cheating on anyone, and are single, surely it lies with the other person to be faithful?

Without even bringing the moral/lack of personal boundary issue into this: What about the bs she's going through now when she wants more from him then mutual masturbation and he has absolutely no intentions of leaving his wife and will never quiet her limerence... her emotional involvement with him is cheating her from finding someone who actually can fulful the emotional void she's now experiencing.

Depends how you define cheating. Does it have to be physical? If thinking about other people, when you're in a relationship counts as cheating, then I think that comdemns just about everyone.

That's where you're wrong. Cheating is defined by what is and isn't MUTUALLY agreed upon by the comitted couple. It's certainly not defined by some isoteric justification thought up by the enabler to assauge their own bad choices. Besides, "thinking" about someone or being attracted to them (but not acting on that attraction) versus masturbating with them while interacting live on camera or through chat are two completely different things.

However, cyber sex...that's a tricky one. I don't think his wife would be very chuffed if she found out - it's the possibility of the cheating that leads to the actual thing, like planning to rob a bank. If you thought you could rob a bank and get away with it, 100%, would you?

With this ^^ statement, you don't take emotional cheating into consideration in the least when many, many people find that even more horrible because it becomes more than just sex.

As per your actual analogy: If you thought you could get away with it but it caused you feeling lonely and wanting more and that lot of money kept you from ever getting anymore, would you still do it?

[Scarlet_P]

Good points, I was posing more questions than answers with that. I've not actually been there myself with the whole cyber/married thing, but I did fall for someone who was in a relationship. It ended not so much in tears but torment.

As for robbing a bank, or cheating on someone, no, I've not thought of or actually acted on either of those things; I was trying to understand the attraction of doing so.

Yes, masturbating with someone rather than just thinking of them in that sense would be wrong, if you are married. And hoping for more from a married man or woman is a difficult and dangerous game for all involved.

OK, the whole thing isn't very moral, but instead of shutting YLvanna down point blank, I was just trying to undertand why someone would do it, rather than go out and find a good old fashioned honest relationship. Perhaps it's possible morality is a luxury to some people, but a given for yourself.

[Wakeup]

Well, you posed a thought provoking post that I felt needed countering.

Perhaps it's possible morality is a luxury to some people, but a given for yourself.

... I did say "without even bringing in the lack of moral/personal boundary issue." ;o)

[Scarlet_P]

I did feel a bit of naughty boy after you told me off I was just trying to find out what was going through her mind to lead to it. And if she was eating at the while online.

[Bibi]

OK , personal experience. I was flirting online, had a boyfriend, ended up cheating, broke up, and now Im about to marry the guy that I was flirting online with. But my situation actually worked out for me, not for my ex who hates me. My conclusion - online flirts are never harmless.