I found the perfect girl, except for one flaw..

[Lakers]

I'm really caught here. I'm 28, she's 22. She has the best heart in a person I've ever met. Shes beautiful, looks like a younger Jennifer Anniston and shes an outdoor kind of girl that is loaded with ambition. Heres the bad part......the sex is AWFUL. And when I say awful, I'm not exaggerating. She doesnt move, shes terrible at foreplay, she makes zero noise, and she stares at me awkwardly at times during. Shes even terrible at oral sex. She wants it, but I'd rather just go to bed, I'm extremely unmotivated in the sack with her. The difficult part is that I cant bring this up or talk it out because shes had traumatic sexual experiences with a family member when she was much younger. Sex is a very sensitive issue with her because of that, and any discussion about possible changing things would crush her. Especially if she caught wind of me not enjoying it, shes am intelligent girl, she'd figure it out.

I would normally not post anything like this, and I'm too protective of her to bring this up with any friends so I was just curious in any feedback or thoughts would be. And when I say "protective", dont filter your thoughts.....I meant that I dont want people that personally know her judging her. Thanks!

[searock]

Have you tried guiding her movements during sex? She may be very shy, hence the fact she makes no noise and maybe isn't very enthusiastic when giving oral sex. Have you tried sex with the lights off? Or how about you both get a bit tipsy, maybe that will make her more comfortable and relaxed.

Or maybe, there's just not enough "chemistry" between the two of you. In any case, it's worth working on, since it seems everything else is good in your relationship.

Just curious here - how can a woman be terrible at oral sex? Does she bite you or something?

[MehicanFather]

Have you tried guiding her movements during sex? She may be very shy, hence the fact she makes no noise and maybe isn't very enthusiastic when giving oral sex. Have you tried sex with the lights off? Or how about you both get a bit tipsy, maybe that will make her more comfortable and relaxed.

Or maybe, there's just not enough "chemistry" between the two of you. In any case, it's worth working on, since it seems everything else is good in your relationship.

Just curious here - how can a woman be terrible at oral sex? Does she bite you or something?

Lots of ways. Biting, not using her tongue correctly, not swallowing, not letting you finish on her facial area, moaning when you go in too far and she gags, telling you to stop because she's on the phone to her mother etc etc. The list is endless.

[Lakers]

Have you tried guiding her movements during sex? She may be very shy, hence the fact she makes no noise and maybe isn't very enthusiastic when giving oral sex. Have you tried sex with the lights off? Or how about you both get a bit tipsy, maybe that will make her more comfortable and relaxed.

Or maybe, there's just not enough "chemistry" between the two of you. In any case, it's worth working on, since it seems everything else is good in your relationship.

Just curious here - how can a woman be terrible at oral sex? Does she bite you or something?

I've tried everything. I cant guide her if shes not moving. Its almost like screwing a hole in the mattress. Yeah, with the room pitch black, drunk, I've tried it all.....its the same result. When shes on top, she just stares at me like we're in conversation. I agree with her being shy, I see that. But after a year? As for oral; she doesnt bob, she doesnt work it, but she loves going down on me.

[surfhb2]

That sucks! Have you discussed it? What does she say?

[bcgirl]

Maybe due to her traumatic sexual abuse, she dislikes sex and stops herself from enjoying it too much? If she isn't moaning and just acts like dead fish means she most likely isn't having an orgasm. And you would be partly to blame for that.
Maybe you should not think so much about your sexual pleasures of needing her to perform great head on you but try to give her mind-blowing head. Spend a good half hour under the sheets and give her an orgasm she will forever remember, I have a feeling you haven't even tried to spend a good half hour pleasuring her with your tongue. After this, report back.

[Scarlet_P]

Poor girl - terrible for her to have gone through that, and she may still be feeling the effects of post traumatic stress.

Poor you. It's not your fault. You're not abusing her. She should get some professional help though, seriously. I doubt you can go on with things the way they are, yeah? Perhaps go to a relationship councellor, who will probably encourage you to talk to each other openly, if you can't do that when alone with her.

I have a mate who had a similar experience, and he said that having sex with his gf was what he imagined going to bed with a blow-up doll would be like. Completely uninspiring.

But I agree with bcgirl - if you go down on your gf, do your Gentleman's Duty for her, and see what happens, it may help things.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like you've endured enough. Either dump her, or start screwing someone else on the side.

[MehicanFather]

lol, welcome back bro.

[Steelers<3]

Okay... Im guessing she has never gotten you off orally then? Do you think she senses you are unhappy in bed? I'm thinking if she has never made you finish from oral, and then when she finally does, it might spark something in her like.. hell yeah, I just made him get off with my MOUTH and maybe her confidence will rise a little? I'm sure the situation has to be awkward but really, how much more awkward is it basically lying to her pretending to enjoy your sex life?

YOU have the advantage here because she still WANTS to have sex with you. If she pursues you, then she is still interested and wants to make you happy. Make sure you know that. Start by asking her to put her hand around your junk and help her move it a little up and down, help her figure out how hard to squeeze it, etc. Then when she starts doing what you asked let her know you REALLY like it like OH F****K babe that feels amazing! I can almost guarantee it will turn her on knowing she's giving you that much pleasure.

[Steelers<3]

BTW if she has made you finish orally, my bad that was probably no help at all =/

[IndiReloaded]

Can she give herself an orgasm?

[Scarlet_P]

Sounds like you've endured enough. Either dump her, or start screwing someone else on the side.

BackUp, I would say the former if anything, he should break up with her if he can't deal with it. I've never admitted to a girl, if I had to break up with her, that it was because I was bored and wanted to be with other girls. When I was 18, I was in a relationship with my first long term girlfriend for about a year and a half, at that point, and it was getting serious. I'd only slept with one other person before her (mind you, age of consent in the UK is 16, just thought I'd mention that - I think it should be 18 but hey) and didn't want to make my life choice so young or give my heart away so easily. I was young, in a band, having a great time, and all set to go to music college, which I did, and glad we didn't stay together as it was a new start - my first time living away from home, living in a different country, with my best mate who also got a place on the course.

My best mate ended up in a relationship for the entire 3 years of college and then some. Trouble was, she was a psycho hose beast; attractive, but a mate-assassin, who used all sorts of nasty tricks to try to isolate my best mate. I think he probably regretted that a little - we were both still young, and I while I got engaged brieflly (to a total nutter), I'm glad I didn't make any promises I wasn't prepared to keep, or lie to or cheat on anyone.

[AdminOnline]

TS, no one is perfect.

either you can focus on 98% positive side of her or 2% negative side of her (imperfect sex life, for your case) everyday..

The choice is yours..
appreciate the girl you have.

[Scarlet_P]

Loveadmin is right, you can focus on the negatives now matter how good things are. Depends what you think to be a show-stopper. For a lot of guys, including myself, sex is up high up the list in a relationship, but I've had girlfriends who have been great in bed but then something more fundamental outside of that, ie, there's a price to pay in terms of how much hard work it can all be, and the compromises you have to make.