Not believing me :(

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 02:28 AM

I have been in a relationship with a woman for 12 months. She is, quite simply, the most amazing person I have ever met. During the year however I corresponded sporadically with a woman on Facebook. Not for any sinister reasons. It was, in my opinion, vanilla posting on FB. One time we did chat for an hour about divorce, jealousy etc. I can count on one hand the amount of times I corresponded with her.

I did not tell my girlfriend as I thought it was nothing. Months later however she found out about it. As I had never mentioned it, she immedaitely thougt the worse.

For two months I have argued with her about this. I have emphatically denied any untoward things that she thinks I may have been doing. I have owned my mistake over & over again. And I have reiterated my love for her with all of my heart & soul.

But she cannot let it go. No matter how much I tell her who I am as a person, as a man, how I feel about her......she simply believes there is more to this than there is.

I do not know what to do anymore. It is tearing me apart.

**Boisdevie** · 10-01-13, 02:58 AM

She sounds a bit posessive, perhaps controlling. You've not done anything wrong but she's gone off the deep end = fruit loop.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 03:15 AM

Can you post examples of your conversations with this other woman?

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 05:19 AM

Searock.......I so wish I had them so I could put this to bed, but I dont. We exchanged 5 or so wallposts on FB and had one online chat, about depression, divorce, jealousy.

I have since learned that I made bad judgment call. I spoke to a stranger ( another woman ) about life's problems. I never thought I was doing something untoward that would ever hurt someone.
I would never do that. But I have learnt that was dumb, and I owned it, and have apologized about 1000 times in the last 2 months. Now.....everything is great for 3-4 days, and then she flips out again.
The accusations, the implications, questioning my integrity, my loyalty.......questioning me as a person. I have and always will wear my heart on my sleeve. She knows it. She knows exactly how I feel about her. She knows I didnt cheat on her. She knows that I wouldnt cheat on her. And she knows that I love her with all I have. BUT.......every few days, her mind races and teh screaming starts again. I have explained, apologized, defended.....you name it, about 100 times in the last 2 months. But she wont let it go. Its crushing my spirit.

Thanks for replying.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 05:40 AM

Did you talk about your relationship with your girlfriend with the other woman? Or was it just a random conversation? What did you write on each other's wall?

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 05:56 AM

No it wasnt random. I had posted a thought on FB, Like......damn life sux sometimes......a bunch of people repsonded, including this woman. We we did chat, it was about jealousy, divorce, depression.....that typeof thing. I was trying to figure out why I was acting so jealous with my girlfriend.

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 05:57 AM

Understand it was ONE chat about life.......last summer. The 5-6 FB wallposts were innocuous.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 05:59 AM

And what were your hypothesis's? Why did you think you were so jealous, did you discuss it with her?

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 10-01-13, 06:01 AM

Break up with this stupid bitch and see how she reacts. Tell her you're sick of her bullshit and if she can't trust you then you don't want to be with her. Leave her, and actually start looking for other girls.

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 06:01 AM

I guess what I am trying to say Searock.......is that to me they were a handfulof nothing postsand one long chat about life, 6 months ago. Not ever thinking it was important, or needed to be revealed, I just forgot all about it. So that ignorance of mine is now deception in her mind.And no matter what I say, do, explain.......she feels as though I deceived, therefore there just simply HAS TO BE more to it.

I would tell the whole world if I could that there was nothing in it. But after 2 months, the only person I want to know that wont, cant, doesnt want to listen.

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by searock

And what were your hypothesis's? Why did you think you were so jealous, did you discuss it with her?

I did.......I was married for 13 years. This is my first relationship since then. I believe that I basically didnt know any better. I was acting like maybe I did in my 20's. I didnt remember what it was like to meet someone new and start to date them.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 06:05 AM

Ok simonoz, that's what YOU think of that conversation. But you have to understand that discussing details of your relationship with a person that isn't your friend, is of the same sex of your partner and with whom you exchange flirty messages (however innocuous), is NOT a good thing.

If you did not discuss details of your relationship and especially didn't talk to her about private things regarding your girlfriend, then your girlfriend should let it go. Otherwise, sorry, but I would have trouble trusting you too. I wouldn't talk about my relationship with guys that were flirting with me, no way.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by simonoz

I did.......I was married for 13 years. This is my first relationship since then. I believe that I basically didnt know any better. I was acting like maybe I did in my 20's. I didnt remember what it was like to meet someone new and start to date them.

Okay... if this is all you talked about, then yes, your girlfriend is being unreasonable. I think you should stop apologizing.

**Horace123** · 10-01-13, 06:12 AM

Wow. I do understand Sea. But really.......life is that little at understanding? Unforgiving?

After 12 months.....and I am the touchy feely loving one out of the two of us....................one chat 6 months ago, in an attempt to stop being jealous, undoes everything I have been, everything I have said for the last 12 months? Its that easy just to undo love? I made a bad judgment call, Ive explained it, Ive apologized for it. Ive learnt from it........Ive learnt from it, isnt that what life is all about ~ learning from our mistakes, especially when it concerns your partner? She knows I didnt cheat, she knows I didnt want to. But one chat undoes everything ????????? What a harsh world this is, and how perfect everyone else must be. Who knew that love was based on such little faith. Sorry......not ranting, just very upset.

**searock** · 10-01-13, 06:18 AM

As I said, if that is really all you talked about, your girlfriend is being unreasonable and you should stop apologizing. You sound like a doormat btw... she's stomping all over you. Are you sure you're happy in this relationship?

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