Ex girlfriend, my son and her childhood sweetheart current boyfriend. Advice?

[Ashley79]

Hi all, this could be long and complex but I will try and summarise but I really need your help and hand holding ;-(

Summary:

I met this girl 5 years ago got together she fell pregnant after 6 months and we had a son he is my world. We split up after 6 months of him being around I was not a catch and good for no one so best I left it was hard but right to do. Instantly my life got better I was always there for her and him and our relationship as exes were good

I did my thing she did too after 18 months the penny dropped I was missing something and it was her and my son in a solid family relationship so set about getting her back and it took me 4 months but I managed it. She was starting to see an ex of 10 years back the brother of her best mate but I managed to make her see her babies dad was the right thing for us and her.

We lasted 3 months or so I trusted her but ow regret I did. It wasn't a big split more of why am I sleeping on the floor and living out of a bag when I had my own place. No time in 5 years have I ever said I didn't love her.

So we had a holiday booked and still went on it things happened night one but I instigated it so left it to her from then on but she didnt. After she said she wanted stuff to happen but she didnt try for it.

Anyway before we went she said when we get back we won't talk as much thought it was weird but didnt think anything of it. I paid for the holiday so was free for her. We got back and it was how it was before see her and my son weds and weekends.

She came round to get my son and told me she was back with him and wants to introduce him to my son. I laugh and said ok I new u would go back to him. But honestly never in my wildest dreams did I think she would and I was putting things in place to get things back on track this was oct/no and had offered her and her mum to come to Xmas which she didnt

Things got messy I asked her not to see this guy (brother of her best mate also). I don't like him he is a drunk and always said I didn't like him. Anyway since oct I been trying but nothing I do works. I want her and my son as a family and more kids as a unit not step brothers/sisters

She talks in riddles says its too late she lost feelings for me then asks to see me but uses my son as a shield. She does not reply to my text but I have to reply to her. I had Xmas with my son and even till the last day I offered her to come and said no. What mum would not want to be with her son on his first real Xmas?

Boxing Day she had him and this new fella for a family meal even though I said I was not happy and NYE also was hard. She doesn't talk just goes silent. She says stuff like what I should just get back with you. Then says its too late but never says I'm with someone else or I love him or do one to me. I try and convince her what is best well I ask her but it means nothing. I'm the father of her son. I no her friends family are all against me. What can I do. I'm depressed and very emotional and can't move on as I can't let go of my family I wanted the woman I love. I have to see her also. It's so hard.

I want her back but no I can't get her back..I want to move on as it seems to be everyone's easy answer but I'm struggling to move on.

Help please :-( x

[Wakeup]

As hard as it will be for you to do, you have to have the strength to leave her alone and have no contact with her outside of picking up and dropping off your son. That means you stop all attempts in actions and in words of getting her back. She is a woman that looks after your son when you are'nt with him. You stay thankyou when you pick him up and when you drop him back at his mother's all you do is give her any details about him that she might need to know... like he got a new tooth or he fell off his bike and scraped his knee.. then you leave.

You give her absolutely no reason to even wonder about things with you because you are always asking her to come back to you and giving her things without her having made any effort to show YOU THAT SHE CARES. So stop that. If you have any hope of being with her this is what you have to do. In the meantime.. you'll be getting on with your life and learning to do without her so it's a win / win situation as long as you have no expectations that what you're doing will actually win her back. It will, at the very least though, make her feel respect for you as a strong male model in your son's life who doesn't beg to be with her. No woman is worth begging for or trying for when she's putting in zero effort or care.

Be well... go see your doctor for your depression. Don't just sweep that sort of thing under the rug. If you're in the right, postive state of mind, getting on with your life will happen more easily.

Good luck.

[Ashley79]

Thanks for the reply. I know your right on all you have said and I try. I dropp him off I say nothing don't even look at her and leave. She will then text me asking something silly. I reply then I get in a mindset and start saying she can change things back and why share our son when we can have him together etc

She will then not reply for a day then say the samething. "Sorry I'm not blanking you I just don't no what to say" at 34 you no what to say. The truth helps. So I don't reply to that message. There is a pattern with her texts and I no deep down what they are and why they are. It eats me inside as all this steammed from me telling her I loved her and wanted her back. Turned in to a 4 month struggle and battle. I know I have to go cold turkey on her. I just think that pushes her further away.

I try and make her see how important family is to me and her but she just goes silent on certain questions from me. Why is that? Why do women only answer certain question? I know the reason why she won't get back with me. It's not because she doesn't love me although when I do say to her I know u have feelings for me and still love me she doesn't reply. I would say "no I don't love u or have feelings for u" she can't

But it's because she has committed to this guy, his family, her family, her friends social events etc she can't get out of that as she will lose all of that for me. Bottom line is her son and own family should be what it's about. There are guys in prison who have a loyal lady. I told her I loved her and wanted her back and it's like I told her I have been sleeping with her best mate and sister. Feels unfair. This is about her me and our son. Just how do u convince someone who is selfish and stubborn?

I'm gonna hold out on the doctors as no matter how bad I am I don't want that on my record. Tis could affect job applications and or court proceedings if this got to that stage. I want to seem clean and stable not an emotional wreck.

I will take your advice and just say thank you when I get him and thank you when I leave. If she asks me to do stuff as she does weekly I will either blank her messages or say a polite no thank you.

I desperately want her back though before she goes and gets pregnant or married which I fear she will do in the next 6 months minimum. I'm also scared to lose all I have known for 5 years. I struggle to let go. Took me 2 years before with my first love and I never had to see her again or had a kid with her ;-(

[lost_lad]

im in a similar situation man, my ex is also going out with her best mates brother, he is also a drunk, but also a suicidal mess who last month commited arson, but has been let off (stupid justice system) i love the girl with all my heart and brought up her son as my own for 4 and a half years, thinks of me as his dad and all that, but she has now cut me out of his life...but the only thing i can do to show her i'm mature is respect her wishes and accept the fact she wants to be with this guy no matter how worried i am about if he might hurt them or not. its terrifying...being in the unknown after what you have know for so long and it just dissapears, very confusing...but you will get over it mate! im not saying it will be easy, coz that would be a lie..it will be hard and long but you will do it!!

[Ashley79]

Sorry to hear ur in the same place as me. Not easy to let go and I'm not the kinda guy who can just accept it either. I no I can't make her do anything she don't want to but have to put my case forward. Can't just walk away with a what if. I guess taking a back seat and waiting for it to go wrong is the best option just I'm struggling to see the logic. Even now we are texting. She saying she is paranoid I want someone else and she was on eggshells. We didnt talk that's what this is all about. It changes from one dat to the next. It's almost like everything all in one. Is it the other fella or she don't love me? Who knows. The longer this goes on the more likely it will be ruined beyond repair.

What will you do? Wait or go on and look for new? I have a tie to her as I am the father of our son. It's a hard bond that has to be fixed in my opinion for the good of us all. It's all over the place can't get my head around all the elements. ;-(