Can't commit and addicted to sex

[runningfast]

Hi everyone,

I am 29 years old and living in New York City. For the past 8 years I have wanted a serious relationship but can't seem to find one. Every woman I meet seems to turn into a sexual conquest, rather than a serious relationship. Once they are conquered I get sick of them and move on. I have had sex with over 100 women but I want more out of my life and relationships than just sex. But, it always ends up being me going out and just trying to sleep with every woman i possibly can. And it's easy.

I know this might not seem like a big problem to some people but it is when you want to get into a relationship and eventually have children. I'm not sure why I lose interest so quickly. I end up making the women not like me as a person and it has affected many of my personal relationships over the years. I know I am a sex addict, but why can't I be a sex addict with one woman? I need more meaning in a relationship than just the sex.

I thought it was alcohol that was one of the driving forces behind this so I have cut back on drinking and going out. But I still find myself sending text messages trying to get women to come to my apartment so I can sleep with them.

If anyone has any advice on how they got over a similar problem I would love to hear it. I want a serious relationship so bad but I feel like I do not even have a heart anymore. Women have turned into conquests. I need to fix this. I am a nice person and have a lot of friends, but I am also known as the guy that cannot commit. I also don't want to commit to just anyone either. I feel helpless.

Thanks for reading

[bcgirl]

How was your childhood? Something must have happened that made you think this way. Did your parents have a good relationship?
Perhaps therapy can be a start.
Being a sex addict means you are addicted to porn and feel like u need to jerk off constantly, do u feel like that?

[dem862]

Have you tried Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)? You have problems with intimacy. This is common with men.

[runningfast]

My mom divorced my dad when I was 16-18. I think she cheated on him, which could have something to do with it. Both of my parents aren't re-married

[Wakeup]

But, it always ends up being me going out and just trying to sleep with every woman i possibly can. And it's easy.

No kidding O.o Exactly why they should change the dictionary definition of "slut" to include men as being one and not just women.

Anyway, you need some guidance and rehab. Join a 12 step programme like Sex Alholics Anonymous or go to your family doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist that will get to the bottom of your addiction to strange.

Maybe in the meantime you can take a vow of celebacy and stick to it so that you're not continuing to take a hit of your drug of choice (sex).

[hillde]

maybe you need to find people that make you happy. if you feel like there are people that mean something to you, also females that you get to know on a level that has nothing to do with sex, you feel like trusting, it could be better than doing a therapy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you'll be fine. I was the same way for 3+ after breaking up with my g/f. I found a girl that I liked and respected enough that I just wanted to be with her. My advice is you keep slaying these broads, but make sure you keep your eye open for the ones that are truly worthwhile. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

[Wakeup]

I think you'll be fine. I was the same way for 3+ after breaking up with my g/f. I found a girl that I liked and respected enough that I just wanted to be with her. My advice is you keep slaying these broads, but make sure you keep your eye open for the ones that are truly worthwhile. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

I don't think he will be.. he's come here for help to figure out how to stop "slaying these broads." Telling him to continue on doing it is counter-productive to what he's wanting to stop doing.
OP says:

If anyone has any advice on how they got over a similar problem I would love to hear it.

Waiting until he finds the right one is kinda hard if one is addicted to ****ing and chucking where he never allows himself to become vulnerable to a member of the opposite sex so that he'll actually be able to bond enough to figure out that he likes and respects her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

WakeUp, most things worthwhile are "kinda hard". It's just as hard to find someone whether you can't get a date or have so many you don't know what to do. Dating is tough. He asked someone who had a similar problem to share how they got over it. I shared with him how I got over the same problem. I ****ed and chucked until I found someone I thought was a good match. I've been with my g/f for almost a year now.

Sorry my advice didn't consist of, "Go waste your money on a shrink.", but that was very good advice from someone whose been in the OP's shoes, which was exactly what he asked for.

[Wakeup]

He's been fking and chucking for 8 years now, BUOGS... continuing to do the same thing as you did IMO, is not a good idea. He needs to do somethign different even if it doesn't consist of seeing a shrink or joining a 12 step programme. You seem to have solved the ****ing and chucking (so far anyway) and it's nice you shared, but I don't think your life experience is a solution to Op's problem so we'll have to agree to disagree. He wants to stop exactly what you recommend he do.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, I guess 8 years is a while, and there's probably at least a few good ones out of 100 that he let go. There is a great deal of trash in NYC though, so it's possible he's just been striking out. There's an unbelievable amount of worthless, dumb women who happen to be hot there. I was amazed. I'm still amazed. I'd be willing to bet that's who he's hooking up with most of the time. Runningfast, can you confirm this? Also, what do you do for a living and what types of women do you actually like?

The ****ing and chucking has in all likelihood not been solved on my end as I would probably go back to it should we break up. After all, it did work for me this time.