Totally in love with BF, but he doesn't satisfy me sexually

[t.shaw2009]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 or 9 months now, and he's amazing. I am completely, head over heels in love with him. I can't get enough time with him, and I am totally emotionally fulfilled by him... but sexually, it's a different story.

We have fallen into the same basic, four-point lovemaking routine: I go down on him, then we always do it in the same normal 2 or 3 positions. He NEVER goes down on me, NEVER fingers me, and I'm completely left out of the foreplay. It's incredibly frustrating because I know he's totally satisfied with the sex, and I'm not.

I brought this up to him a week or two ago and we discussed it in detail. He explained to me that foreplay wasn't really his "thing," but if it meant that much to me, he would make an effort to include me more. He fingered me briefly that one night, and that was it... and since that one time, things have gone back to the exact same thing they always were. Again, no foreplay for me whatsoever. I've even tried guiding his hand down there, and he just jerks it straight back up. I should also mention I'm very hygienic and usually shower twice a day, and I also shave daily as well.

I explained to him when we first started dating that I am very sexually adventurous, and he said that was fine, but he is not satisfying me at all and it's really becoming a problem. I am 21 and he's a few years older than me, so I figured he was more experienced and would be open to more things. Part of me wants to stop touching him and going down on him, just to give him a taste of his own medicine, but that seems immature and I think it may just make things worse.

Again, FANTASTIC relationship in every other aspect. I don't want this to be a deal breaker but it's really becoming an issue. Any advice?

[Boisdevie]

Dump him. You've explained what you want and he's not able or willing to deliver the goods. So he's either too stupid to understand, too lazy to bother or too selfish. Sorry dear but your fantastic relationship is not that fantastic. At your age you and your BF should be shagging half the night so let this one go and find a man who will give you the pleasure you need.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah dump him, or find another guy to **** on the side.

[Wakeup]

^^^ don't do that. O.o

Do tell him again though that you're not sexually satisfied. You might try a different tactic like getting a book from the sexuality section at your local book store on foreplay, or a couples porn tape to watch together (not the crap that men watch with screaming, fake boobed gymnasts ... that stuff scares my vagina.. lol )

You can even masturbate right beside him right after he finishes while leaving you high and dry. He'll eventually get the hint that he sucks in bed .. and .. not in the good way. :o)

If you stay with him and nothing changes, odds are high you'll end up leaving him or hurting him terribly when you cheat on him or being frustrated and unsatisfied which will manifest in resentment... so get it fixed or give it some time for him to understand he's a dud and you're not going to stick around for 20 years of the same crap. Spell it out to him because he's just selfish. Stop going down on him until he goes down on you too. Enough! Time you get a little selfish now and make him realize.

[dickriculous]

Do tell him again though that you're not sexually satisfied. You might try a different tactic like getting a book from the sexuality section at your local book store on foreplay, or a couples porn tape to watch together (not the crap that men watch with screaming, fake boobed gymnasts ... that stuff scares my vagina.. lol )

I had to learn through experience that the porn you are referring to wasn't real sex, my first time having sex I tried to put my gf's ankles behind her head without realizing that most women aren't that flexible and I ended up pulling her hamstring needless to say the mood pretty much died after that lmao.

Not sure if the masturbating would really get the point across tho. I have a buddy who ALWAYS faps after sex and he has no complaints at all about his gf (trust me, I along with the whole world would know if he had any complaints about her lol). He just loves to fap and feels like sex is incomplete without a good fap afterward.

Personally, I believe it's time to be blunt and brutally honest. I'm sure your bf doesn't want to hear that he is utterly failing to get you off but at this point it's a case of what he wants vs. what he needs and what he needs is to wake the fukk up and be made aware of what a shitty lover he is and that there is a need for him to improve, it's for his own good. My above story about pulling that girl's hamstring when I lost my virginity isn't a flattering story but I became a better lover for it and because of that (no offense to her) I'm glad it happened. By being a shit lover, becoming aware of the fact, and becoming aware of the fact that I needed to improve I eventually learned how to put my cock in a girl without disabling her and then how to last and get her off. Believe me, the humbling experience was worth it and your bf has a responsibility (to himself more than anything) to have his awareness raised and learn from it in a similar vein.

Make no mistake about it, lovemaking is an art and art should not be taken for granted by doing it wrong. Your bf is swallowing a bunch of food coloring pills, pissing all over a canvas, and trying to call it art and that's fukkin slanderous.

[PradaChanel]

What a turn off when the sex aint good. I wouldnt say dump him. I would say start taking over in the bedroom. Instead of asking, just start doing. Most guys, when they see you play with yourself during sex, they will start playing with it also or at least commenting on how they like it. If you do this and he still doesnt react then gently make him play with you. If he doesnt go down on his own, I would probably say kiss on him and be like lets 69 or something. Maybe hes just not aggressive like most men because most men I know have no issue in saying what they want from you in regards to sex or anything else, so I dont hold back anymore. If he say to you no im not into going down or something lame like that then I would tell him at that point you had an issue. Buy little stuff from sex stores to add in or text throughout the day like what you want from him and what you going to do to him so when its time and you act on it he can be ready.

[PradaChanel]

oh yeah and since you mentioned that you do try to guide his hand and he jerked it back you should have gotten him straight, like wtf is the problem and I would have denied him sex that night. It would be diff if he moved his hand gently but to jerk, I mean whats that all about. Yeah its time to be blunt with him

[Wakeup]

Well, my dear: When you "deny him sex" you also deny yourself the pleasure... unless of course you just consider sex a bartering tool.

[PradaChanel]

Thats not denying one pleasure when ones not being pleasured in the first place. While it is not a tool, I do sometimes use it as a form of persuasion. As long as its there and I know it to be good, theres no reason I shouldnt be pleased inside and outside the bedroom.

[Guybrush]

Hmm. There is something about your story that does not add up here.

Any guy who truly cares about your overall wellbeing and "totally emotionally fulfill you" as you say, would also want to see your physical desires fulfilled. You are not really asking for much. Just your fair shair of the pleasure.

I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that someone who can't be bothered to invest a minimum of effort to see you enjoy your time in bed can be such a super guy outside the bedroom. I suspect that once the infatuation wears off you'll start discovering other signs of egoism as well.

Me, I don't know anything sexier than a partner reaching climax. No way I would deny either of us that experience. TMI, probably

[Wakeup]

Hmm. There is something about your story that does not add up here.

Any guy who truly cares about your overall wellbeing and "totally emotionally fulfill you" as you say, would also want to see your physical desires fulfilled. You are not really asking for much. Just your fair shair of the pleasure.

I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that someone who can't be bothered to invest a minimum of effort to see you enjoy your time in bed can be such a super guy outside the bedroom. I suspect that once the infatuation wears off you'll start discovering other signs of egoism as well.

Me, I don't know anything sexier than a partner reaching climax. No way I would deny either of us that experience. TMI, probably

Just about every relationship at one point goes through a time of apathy. Especially if they last longer than 5 years.. It is then that you need to do the couples work it takes to keep your appreciation of one another going strong. You describe an unending honeymoon period, which is unrealistic.

It goes without saying (I think) that seeing ones partner in the throes of orgasm is a turn on. I will agree that they've not been in a relationship long enough for the honeymoon period to be over and done with though .... so ...

[smackie9]

Your love for him is making you blind...you are still in the obsessive stage of your relationship. Once it wears off about 4 or 6 months from now, you will regret that you stayed, and wonder WTF were you thinking. You are too in love to see how much of loser he really is.

[HeartIsAching]

OP posted once and hasn't been back. No sense in replying.

[smackie9]

Wakeup scared them away again lol.

[Wakeup]

... *bats eyelashes* ...