I'm so confused...

[katmurph]

Ok you all need to know some background first. I'm 26 I have 3 beautiful children and am in a terrible relationship (the kids dad). He has always emotionally abused me, controlled me and basically beaten me down with words. I should have left years ago but I'm stubborn and I wanted to be a family for the sake of my kids. When I was 5 months pregnant with my youngest baby my boyfriend hit me during a fight...in the stomach... Thank god the baby was ok but it proved to me just how evil he is. Few months later again during a fight he hit me, put me in a headlock and spat in my face. All while i was holding our then 3 month old son. Things between us just keep getting worse and I'm now at a point where i just obey so i dont have to get into yet another fight because if I'm honest I'm scared what would happen if we had another big blow up.
We had sex a few months back and a few days later I realised i had 2 huge coldsores. Turns out they weren't coldsores but herpes (the STI strain). So now my suspicious have been confirmed of his cheating ways. Well I stupidly still stayed thinking maybe we could fix things for the sake of our children.

Eariler this week I randomly met a man. He asked for my number and something came over me and I gave it to him. We have been talking for hours on the phone, texting etc. I know its wrong and its bringing me down to my boyfriend's level but i cant help it. There's something about this guy I'm drawn to. It turns out we have a hell of a lot in common and we have this unspoken crazy connection. At first i thought maybe it was because I'm so desperate to feel loved by someone but I realise now there is so much more to it than that. He's asked me out on a date and I dont know what to do. My friends say go for it, if the date goes well break up with my boyfriend and see where things lead with this other guy. But even that feels wrong. I feel like im betraying my children by doing this to their father. I keep looking at them and thinking "I'm so sorry for what I'm going ot do to this family." But how can i stay with someone who treats me so badly? I'm so confused, someone please help!

[LoveDocJon]

Hello, I'm a relationship coach for men. I do this for a living. Although you're not a guy, I feel like I really need to chime in on this one. It's just killing me not to.

You need to leave this abusive relationship. You cannot see it from the outside like we can. I know you're trying to do this for your children, and I'm amazed at how much a mom will go through for their kids, but this is not healthy. It's hurting you AND your kids. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it is OK to abuse their girlfriends (if they are boys) or be abused by men (if they are girls)? And besides that, you want them to grow up in a healthy environment. NOT in an abusive household.

Now this guy that asked you out already made some mistakes haha, but this isn't about that. This is about you. Get rid of this abusive BOY you're with and go date this MAN who seems like he knows how to treat a lady. He will be better for you AND your kids.

This is what I teach the guys I coach. You can't see the problems looking from your point of view, so I teach them to look at it from a different perspective. I hope you listen, because an abusive relationship is good for nobody. Oh, and 911 should be on speed dial at this point. He has no right to abuse you like that.

If any guy wants some advice, send me a message. I'll be glad to show you the mistakes this new guy made already. And they haven't even been on a date yet!

[vashti]

if the date goes well break up with my boyfriend and see where things lead with this other guy.

Or maybe you could just leave your boyfriend FIRST?

I can pretty much guarantee the new guy isn't going to be much better than the man you are with. Women who tolerate physical abuse generally choose losers time after time unless they get professional help.

[PradaChanel]

Forget another man at this point. You need to leave his punk ass. He hitting on you and gave you something that you cant get rid of. I know its easier said then done. People dont realize that. I do. But he was careless to cheat on you and not even protect himself and now your carrying something some slut had that he was messing with. Easier said then done, leave his punk ass.

[asif247]

I think she means you have a facial expression that might make you look like you are so out of context or you don't understand your surroundings! Honestly don't know!

[katmurph]

im interested, what mistakes did the new guy make?

[smackie9]

I smell troll....

[bcgirl]

Leave your bf now. I know you don't want to break up the family, but you are doing a better thing for your kids if you break up now than having your kids witness dad hitting and cheating on mom. That is not healthy by any means for their upbringing. What kind of examples will you be giving them for their futures?
What will happen if your bf finds out about your cheating? Are you prepared to get a couple black eyes and be put in the hospital?
Does this new guy know about your herpes virus? That can be a total deal breaker to many

[jolene austin]

I think the first thing you need to do is leave the relationship with your abusive boyfriend. It’s not safe for you or the children. Period. Things may get tough or feel hard, but the fact is you can’t continue to endanger yourself by putting yourself at the mercy of punches being thrown. Surely, your boyfriend should at least know that amongst several reasons he should never lay a hand on you. I wouldn’t focus too much on the new person right now. Not that I think it’s wrong for you to move on, it’s just that there is a more important issue going on in your life right now. You souldn’t have the added stress of feeling guilty or believing that what you’re doing is wrong. You shouldn’t have to keep a new relationship secret. That’s why you need to end the one you are in now. Use family and friends, but build a support group to help you and protect you if things get nasty with your boyfriend. And remember, there are services to help you through the process and you could and should call the police if you are ever hurt again. I’m sorry for your experience, but you need to get out of that as soon as possible.

[Wakeup]

Eariler this week I randomly met a man. He asked for my number and something came over me and I gave it to him. We have been talking for hours on the phone, texting etc. I know its wrong and its bringing me down to my boyfriend's level but i cant help it. There's something about this guy I'm drawn to. It turns out we have a hell of a lot in common and we have this unspoken crazy connection. At first i thought maybe it was because I'm so desperate to feel loved by someone but I realise now there is so much more to it than that.

You're too lacking in self-worth and to filled up with self-loathing to realize what you're doing is going to be even worse for your emotional health then you're already feeling. If this guy knows you're common-law married with children and have a history of letting yourself be abused, and he still wants to "date" you, then he very likely has ulterior motives other than being your Knight in Shining Armor. Get yourself straigtened out with a good social worker and abuse therapist before jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Another thing: If your husband as as bad as you paint him out to be, then he'll not only beat the crap/kill you, he'll take the dufus who's "courting" you down as well if he finds you out. Do you really want that?

He's asked me out on a date and I dont know what to do. My friends say go for it, if the date goes well break up with my boyfriend and see where things lead with this other guy. But even that feels wrong. I feel like im betraying my children by doing this to their father. I keep looking at them and thinking "I'm so sorry for what I'm going ot do to this family." But how can i stay with someone who treats me so badly? I'm so confused, someone please help!

You best tell him you have herpes. You'd be even more selfish and doing the ridiculously wrong thing if you don't.

Go to social services in your area and get the help you need to be strong enough to leave first, fix your self-worth and then and only then, date again.

But how can i stay with someone who treats me so badly? I'm so confused,

It's funny that you had the exact opposite thought before this new guy came into the horizon. Prior to him, you lamented "how could you leave the father of your children." In fact, you stayed and allowed them to witness the abuse which in affect, is child abuse in itself. Get a grip, doll and look at this realistically. Don't be using one guy, to help you get rid of another.

[LoveDocJon]

im interested, what mistakes did the new guy make?

He's just going against my book is all. In short, I teach guys not to talk or text a girl that gives them their number, and to just wait 5-9 days before calling and asking for a date. It kills what I call challenge. Until a guy gets an understanding of it, he will lose every time.