Should I wait for her?

[oldtom188]

So I met this girl where I work (at a gym), she happened to be subbing for another girl who works there. So technically we were co-workers. I could tell she liked me alot. So I got her number and starting texting her. I finally asked her on a date the next week. On the first date I instantly could tell I liked her alot. We went on 4 dates. I would text her things like "I really like being with you" and she would send back a smiley face. She really had me confused.

When I first started texting her she would respond back instantly and then she started showing less interest. On the fifth date we watch a movie at her house. We started making out and she tells me in two passing sentences that "I don't know if I'm still in love with my ex" and that she "didnt know if she was ready for another long term relationship". Then she asked me if I wanted to have sex and I basically said "if you want to", so we did. For like two days after that she seemed like she really wanted to keep doing it, but every time I tried to get together with her she had some excuse. I also know this girl isn't a slut, we are very truthful to each other and I trust her when she says she's only been with 2 guys. So obviously her sleeping with me had to mean something. About a week after we had sex I was really getting fed up with how confusing this girl was to me and she came to bring me dinner at work as a way of apologizing. We had a long talk about her ex. When I got off work we started making out and did it in her car. Since then I have not seen her. I told her I would give her a week to think about what she wanted.

(A little back story, this girl was in a 3 year relationship which ended a little over 4 months ago. She got together with some guy about a month after the breakup, though she did not have sex with him. The rebound guy only lasted a month or so and she broke up with him. She broke up with her long term boyfriend, because he wasn't keeping promises and was ignoring her. It seems to me like this girl really loved her ex. She still talks to him as well.)

So after one week she texted me and said she wants to be alone right now and that she doesn't want to be unfair to either of us. My friends tell me there are many other fish in the sea and I know its true, but I really liked this girl for who she was. I was extremely attracted to her personality more than anything. I sent her extremely beautiful texts about how much I liked her, texts that I really meant. I really want this girl to like me back, but I think she's afraid to start something. I was afraid she just liked me for how I looked, cause I'm good looking and have a nice body. She has established now that we are just friends and that maybe some time in the future we can "start over", because she says she is still getting over her ex. So should I wait around for this girl? The problem is that I reaalllllyyy like her alot. Any advice would be appreciated.

[PradaChanel]

Yes you can wait around to see if she come around but honestly I wouldnt put all my focus on her. I would do my own thing and if she came around and if not fine, I would still be straight.

[smackie9]

A big time waster...she is working things out with her ex right now.

[ashley89]

I also know this girl isn't a slut, we are very truthful to each other and I trust her when she says she's only been with 2 guys. So obviously her sleeping with me had to mean something.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but how do you KNOW that? just because she told you? you have only been seeing this girl for a little while now, so you don't know her all that well. just because she said she's only been with a few guys doesn't mean she is telling the complete truth. and why does it obviously have to mean something? just because you went on a few dates and had sex doesn't necessarily mean she has strong feelings for you. also, I see a couple red flags here. you said in the beginning that you were sending her texts saying you really liked being around her and she would only send back a smiley face. I know it's only texting, but from that alone it doesn't seem to me that she feels the same way. she brought up her ex numerous times, which is not something girls usually do if they like another guy. from what I gather, she still has feelings for her ex but wanted someone to go out on dates with and casually hook up with, which is where you come in. if a girl really likes a guy she will put in effort and it would be easy to tell if she felt the same way back. since you say you feel confused and can't read her signals, I think that is a clear sign that she doesn't feel the same way. either you like someone or you don't, it isn't really something you have to think about or have to question. I wouldn't waste your time waiting around for her, if she was going to be with you she would make it clear and since she hasn't, you are only going to waste more time and end up getting hurt in the long run.

[Beenthere]

It really does sound like she is not over her ex. it sounds as if she likes you, enough to sleep with you, but not like her ex. I would suggest, that she may have wanted to see from sleeping with you, if she would develop the feelings/closeness she had with her ex. She didnt and she knows she has to move on and its not going to work for her.

I know if hurts to hear it... but your better off, trying to move on, meet someone else and get on with your life, dont wish to be with someone who makes you second best in their life.

[Lissy0404]

Well, you could be the rebound guy... but If you do sincerely like her, fight for her. She might need you or somebody to make her feel she is worth it the fight again. She is probably still hurt, and probably she still love her ex. Doesn't mean however you cannot change her feelings.

[oldtom188]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think everything is completely over now. During the 3 weeks we spent apart I told some people at work what happened, partly because I just felt the need to talk to someone about it. Apparently it spread around work that she slept with me. Once she found out she got really pissed off at me and I said I was sorry and basically told her to tell me whether we were over, because before she kept saying things like "idk if its over", "friends for now". She texted me "I think now things are completely over now". I unfriended her from facebook and got rid of her number. I think she wanted to stay friends with me but I told her I couldn't do that.

I saw her at the gym last night working out in front of me (I think on purpose?) and she spent the entire time on her phone. I dont know if she was trying to rub it in my face, but she always took forever to respond to my texts, and here she is standing on elliptical texting for like 35 minutes straight. Prob talking to her ex? Her and her sister sat in the bathroom talking 15 minutes after the gym was closed, I told them to leave. On their way out I heard her sister say something about working things out (im assuming with the ex).

I dont know if this girl realized what she did to me. I think I might have been falling in love with her. She wasnt even that good looking. When I first dated her I think she was wondering why I was interested in her. She asked me to honestly rate her and I said a 7, and then shes said including personality and then I was like a 9. I think that made her really upset but she told me to be honest. I thought it was pretty immature and I didnt want to tell her (She just turned 19 so shes still kind of a high schooler I am 22) Later I apologized and said Im sorry if i hurt your feelings, she said she was a big girl and that she could handle it. I felt so bad. Thats when I told her "I really like you, you are a beautiful person" and I really meant that. Ahh, I feel like such shit. I was sick for 2 days after our first date I liked her so much.

I just hope she feels bad at least, cause I feel really used

[BackUpOrGetStng]

See if you can **** another girl at work.

[smackie9]

She really didn't use you, you were warned before you had sex. You had the chance to back off and tell her that this can't continue then. You took your chances because your penis did the talking that night.