Did I Assault Her?

[VincenzoG91]

I haven't seen her since the incident. She isn't normally vindictive, but she is capable of holding on to a grudge for quite a while.

[Wakeup]

All I'd answer her with is "I didn't punch you" I spun you around and likely your piercing got caught in the shuffle. Which would have happened after I started to protect myself from your slapping" I'd say Nothing more, nothing less unless it was to say is your lip feeling better?

I suggest whatever you do, you stop corresponding with her. Anything you write, more than likely she is saving to back up her side of things. Talk to her on the phone from here on in if you're going to entertain her kind of crazy. Anything this serious should be done one-on-one or at the very least over the phone.

Getting a mediator involved at this point doesn't make any sense to me. She's not charged you with anything. I'm thinking to put her on ignore for now or, see her in person and break up with her. Take photos of your own injuries before they heal up as well.

Right now, she's done nothing other then let you have it (verbally and in writing) for what she perceives as you becoming overly agressive with her and that is why she reacted the way she did with her own aggression. (her justification for her piss poor behavior) Don't admit you were in the wrong but don't fight her on it anymore either.

Like I said, I think if she thinks you're distancing yourself (and your financial support) from her, she will start to get scared that you no longer want her.. if that happens then charging you for assault will be the last thing she'll do because she will think you will sever completely for sure then if she were to report all this.

[VincenzoG91]

Okay, makes sense. I will stop corresponding with her by text, phone, handwriting or anything else like that for now. She has made it clear that she expects a phone call apology at this point. I will call her tonight, and I will tell her that I'm sorry, without addressing any specific accusations.

She will have a lot to say, and this would be a great occasion to quietly demonstrate my listening skills. I won't bring up the idea of the mediator, and I will decline to meet her in person anytime soon, on the grounds that I am still not feeling well. It's true. I have slept poorly these last two nights, and I actually feel like my flu symptoms have gotten worse again in the last two days.

I am not interested in even hinting at financial consequences for her, as that seems like a threatening gesture. However, I see no reason to rush to the bank to deposit any more money in her account before the end of the month. Unfortunately, I am the co-signer on her current apartment lease, which goes through the end of May. Her share of the rent is $500 a month, so I am potentially on the hook for $2,000 between now and then.

One of my co-workers took pictures of my cuts with my phone. I will send those to my email soon, just in case.

[VincenzoG91]

I really am still sick with the flu. My office is always a little chilly, but I realized that I was sweating a little while ago, and then I started to feel a little dizzy. As soon as I get the outgoing bills stamped and mailed off, I'm going home to bed.

[DoesntMatter]

_______________

[misombra]

vinny. is this the same girl that you rescued from that guy who was forcing her to be with him?

you are STILL crazy for hanging with this chick. she's gonna **** up your life.

[vashti]

I really am still sick with the flu. My office is always a little chilly, but I realized that I was sweating a little while ago, and then I started to feel a little dizzy. As soon as I get the outgoing bills stamped and mailed off, I'm going home to bed.

I had the same thing, and so did half the nurses that work on my floor. It's going around like crazy. Mine progressed to pneumonia. I hope you feel better soon.

[VincenzoG91]

She asked me to call and apologize. So I tried to call her twice tonight. I also sent a text asking when she wanted me to call. No response. I've done enough for now, she can contact me when she is ready.

[Boisdevie]

What about her calling to apologise to you? I wish you well but you're sounding like a bloody doormat. Don't YOU deserve better than this?

[VincenzoG91]

Haven't heard back from her. I'm going into the office today to catch up on some work, and when I leave, I'm going to leave my cell phone in my desk. I don't think that any possible good will come from talking to her this weekend.

If I still haven't heard from her by Monday, maybe I will pay a locksmith to change the locks on the doors to my house. Then I might go to the bank to get my credit and debit cards canceled and re-issued with new numbers. I have let her use both to purchase text books through Amazon in the past, and I'm concerned about the possibility of a vengeful spending spree. She has never done anything like that before, but since it looks like the relationship could be finished, I just can't take the chance. But if I do take these steps, then I'm ending the relationship.

For what it's worth, I have a new theory about what happened. Right after I grabbed her wrists, I wasn't exerting any strength at first, and she flailed her arms, trying to break free. It's possible that she hit herself in the mouth with one of my hands holding her wrists. She's 13 inches shorter than me, I would have been holding her wrists about her face level. At any rate, it still doesn't make any sense that I punched her in the mouth. If I had punched her in the mouth, she would have needed a paramedic or at least a dentist, and there definitely would have been no need to grab her wrists. And while I'm holding her wrists, which hand am I going to punch her with? The one holding her right wrist? Or the one holding her left wrist?

I believe her when she says that she got hit in the mouth. I know for certain that I didn't punch her, or intentionally strike her in any way. What happened was an accident that resulted from a series of poor decisions on both of our parts. If we can't have a reasonable conversation about this, it's all over.

The really sad part is that the last twelve months have been the best year of this long relationship. I tutored her in two difficult classes last semester and took some vacation time from work during finals to help her cram for tests and finish two papers. She has been especially sweet and grateful in recent weeks, bringing me little gifts and treats. The night of the incident, she was missing me because I had been sick for days and telling her to stay away so she wouldn't get sick, too. She was worried about me losing too much weight, so she brought me a cinnamon roll, knowing my fondness for cinnamon.

Whatever happened that night, she came with the best of intentions and left in pain and tears. That's why I don't want an apology.

[HeartIsAching]

Whatever happened that night, she came with the best of intentions and left in pain and tears. That's why I don't want an apology.

Wow are you easy to manipulate.

[Wakeup]

Vincenzo: If you apologize and she doesn't, you are acknowledging that you were 100% in the wrong and she is innocent of all abhorant behaviour. Just because she missed you and imposed herself on you (with good intentions in her mind) when you original told her that you just wanted to be miserable alone, does not absolve her of any responsibility for what took place that night.
I fear she has been dictating how you should aplogize while she gets away without any incrimination for too long.

If you're going to apologize, word it so that you are sorry that she reacted to the way you guided her to the door when she refused to leave. That you could have accepted her refusal to leave but you were to sick to do so... Ask her if she's sorry for the way she responded to you. End of.

She DOES NOT get a pass for her inappropriate and violent reaction just because her intentions were originally good ones.

[VincenzoG91]

I did invite her over, once she assured me that she would keep her distance from my germs. I was missing her, too, after several days of isolation.

There is no possible scenario where I apologize for punching her in the mouth, because I didn't punch her in the mouth. I don't need an apology from her, I just need her to admit that I didn't punch her in the mouth.

At this point, I am leaning towards offering her the same choice that she offered me nine years ago: take an anger management class or we are breaking up.

[Wakeup]

I did invite her over, once she assured me that she would keep her distance from my germs. I was missing her, too, after several days of isolation.

Thanks for clearing that up, but it still doesn't mean that she shouldn't apologize for her own behaviour.

There is no possible scenario where I apologize for punching her in the mouth, because I didn't punch her in the mouth.

What will you apologize for then? She's "expecting" one from you.

I don't need an apology from her,

Of course you don't need one like she needs one, but you do need one if you don't want to appear 100% responsiblie in her eyes.

I just need her to admit that I didn't punch her in the mouth.

I don't see that happening.. I could be wrong but she sounds unmoving, childish, manipulative and incapable of seeing wear she was also in the wrong.

At this point, I am leaning towards offering her the same choice that she offered me nine years ago: take an anger management class or we are breaking up.

She needs much more than an anger management course. I don't know her but just reading your history with her It's rather clear.

... Sorry, I'll leave you to do what you think is best (of course) but if you're going to stay with her, I'm thinking without personal therapy, you're going to see repeats of this type of logger head behaviour again.

I do wish you luck, no matter which route you take.

[IndiReloaded]

Whatever happened that night, she came with the best of intentions and left in pain and tears. That's why I don't want an apology.

Wow are you easy to manipulate.

It's not manipulation. He's a genuinely nice guy. She sounds like she has her good aspects as well.

Vince - I say it again - sometimes good people are simply not compatible in their conflict style. Sounds like she means well and so do you. But you two sound like oil and water when it goes sideways. Not good.