Need advices

[EXODEXPE]

So everything started with my ex, we lost contact 3 months ago and became friends ago a few days ago. And this guy can't keep his feelings away from me, it's like when we're talking, we have to get together. I was talking on skype with an another guy called Jakob and a girl called Amanda. Everyone knew each other from before. Anyways, my ex (his name is Gabriel) turned out to have feelings for me again. He said: I love you but I told him that I didn't feel the same for him because I didn't. Last time we got together, I only had a few feelings for him and it ended up with lost contact so I didn't want that to happen again. He was really sad and tried to make me have feelings for him again but I just couldn't. I told him that I was starting to like him only so far, nothing more. He said okay we will take it slow this time and i'll wait for you. And I said okay but don't push me because i'm having a really hard time and it's hard for me to get feelings at the moment.

What I said, was all true. But it turned out, I started to get feelings for Jakob a few hours later and I was getting scared. Jakob is a guy who is very after appearance and I have the worst self-confidence ever. When someone tells me i'm cute or i'm looking good or something, I just can't believe them. And one more thing, I've SOOO difficult to trust people like i've told you before.

So me and Jakob started to talk very often on the phone. But I started to feel that my feelings for him grew and then I got even more scared. Usually, when I get feelings, I try to push them away because i've been hurt so many times so i'm afraid to get hurt by everybody. That's why I can't trust people I think.

He told me: What if we get feelings for each other? Should we stay like this or should we take a step forward? I was like I don't know actually, i'm really confused right now and I don't know what I want. He said okay it's fine, but I just want you to know that i'm starting to get feelings for you. And I said yeah me too, but we'll see what happens.

Well, a few days has gone now and my feelings have grew even more. I can't say that I love him or something like that but I do really like him. But when he talks to other girls, I get nervous. I ignore him and he asks what's wrong with you but I say nothing. UNTIL, yesterday! I told him why I was so unsure of everything and he said he felt the same about me sometimes. And today I told him that when he's talking with my IRL friend, I get scared because she always '' steals '' the guys i'm talking to. I don't know why she does that and I don't think she understands what I mean if I tell her. We had a fight a few weeks ago and she played stupid then too, so it's better to shut up and let it be. I just want Jakob to say something that makes me really believe in every word he says. Right now, i've the feeling of that he's going to '' dump'' me when we get closer. I'm afraid of getting closer to him.

All of this happend on the same day and i'm sure that you can figure out that I felt like shit that day. So I told myself to go to sleep and the clock was only 7pm. Then I got a call from my EX boyfriend from 1 soon 2 months ago. His name is Joel. I answered the phone and said hello? is somebody there? and got no answer. I was shaking and got fever. I had missed him since then and when I got that call, it felt like every feelings I had, just came up again as a explosion. So I hang up and texted him but he said no I didn't call you. I said yes you did, check your call-list. He said oh now I see. And we didn't wrote anything more. But I know that it wasn't just something that happend, my friends said the same thing too. Because I wouldn't be on his call-list 2 months later, it's impossible. My friends say: He just wanted to hear your voice for sure, he's missing you. But actually, he's the one who screwed everything up and used me.

So ALL that on a day. I didn't know how much more I could take and I still don't. I did a depression-test on internet yesterday and it said: ''You've developed a depression but you don't have to feel this way. Look for terapi or something.'' And I think that's true. Seriously, i've felt like shit for days now, or since 2 years ago when I left the guy I really really really loved. I dreamt of him yesterday, and I was crying when I woke up.

I know, the anger shouldn't take over. But today it really did. I got out from a lesson in school and sees my locker with apple-shit on it and when I open it, all of my books and my jackets are ''infected'' too. Everyone was staring at me ang some laughed and I was so close to cry and even just fall down. I didn't feel good before that so that just maked everything even worse. I don't know how people can do stuff like that.

I'm feeling stuck. Somebody please, give me advice.

[Guybrush]

How old are you?