Just arrived here - new and broken hearted :(

[Daphne]

Hello all,

Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I'm 32 and up until a year ago considered the head on my shoulders to be intelligent, sensible most of the time and full of common sense. I now find myself not so sure and wandering lost. My fiance and I of three years broke up officially around 15 months ago but I allowed him (and my stupid self) to play the back and forth game for the following year resulting in nothing but extended heart ache and pain. I ended things finally a few months back. I realised that he was never interested in rescuing the relationship, just lonely and confused like me and we needed to get off the merry-go-round. I haven't seen him or had contact with him for nearly 5 months now. I found out at Christmas that he is now dating a friend of mine and they are in a relationship. We live in a very small town and whilst it was a crushing blow to my heart to discover that he is now with another woman and so over me I am also suffering the humiliation and shock that this woman was my friend and close to our circle of mutual friends. I have coped the last five months without contact when I didn't dare to imagine I could and that, I am proud of, but I know deep in my heart that I am still in love with him. It is preventing me from moving on with my life and being happy. My wasted heart still believes he is the one and as we all know there is no greater tragedy in matters of the heart to love somebody and not have it returned. I'm struggling and feel so lost. I have made myself go out on a few dates but my heart wasn't in them before I even left my house, just a sad going through the motions type of thing. All I can think about is him, I feel pathetically consumed by him in every waking aspect of my life and plagued my faceless dreams of him at night. I have no interest in anybody else at all and I feel so damn lonely even in a crowd. I feel ridiculous. I know I should be moving on and starting a new life but I am just stuck, plain stuck. I feel like my feet are planted in the ground and my mind's on repeat play. All of my family and friends are now bored and fed up with me and this situation. Nobody wants to listen to me anymore as they all think this has gone on too long and I should have let him go by now, especially since it has become public knowledge that he has moved on with my now lost friend too. That makes me feel even more sad and alone as I don't know how to fix this and find myself again. I have the want and desire to move on in my head but my heart just won't give it up. It seems that what the heart wants the head cannot stop.
Anyway, apologies for the long post. Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[AdminOnline]

Hi Daphne and welcome to Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion! Hope you enjoy your stay here.

[love&otherdrugs]

Hi Daphne. First off, I am so sorry for all the emotional pain and suffering you have gone through. Unfortunately, being that I am younger than you and got out of a relationship of only 1 year, I don't have TOO much advice to give you, but just know that I understand the circumstances of having your family and friends being fed up with your situation and feeling like you have no one to talk to about it. That's why we are here :-) I have found that I can ALWAYS turn to this forum without someone telling me to "just get over it."

I empathize with so many things you have written. I, too, have been feeling like my days are just on repeat, like I'm just going through the motions day after day. I have gone on those dumb little dates, and have just felt numb during this time.

Have you considered taking up a new hobby? I know this sounds ridiculous, but the only thing I looked forward to the last 2 months was yoga and pilates time. It was an hour of my day where I could clear my mind and focus on my body and inner well-being. Now that it hasn't been working for me, I'm going back to therapy tomorrow. That is something to consider, as well. a professional counselor is a great way to get an un-biased opinion, or just have an objective person to talk to.

I hope this helped at least a little.

[Daphne]

Hello,
Thank you so much for responding Those are really kind and understanding words. It is uplifting to know that this forum and the people here will listen without getting fed up ! Your advice about a new hobby is great, thank you. I have been thinking about trying to change other aspects of my life now as I clearly am not ready to move on with dating or another relationship. I think I do need another focus and maybe a healthy one like you have tried, yoga or the gym perhaps. They do say that exercise gives you a natural happy boost so I will look into that.
I have always resisted therapy and counselling, sometimes I get too strong willed thinking I can fight the world alone and be my own hero when in reality whilst I may express confidence on the outside I'm fragile and crumbling inside. I need to accept that I may need help of that sort along the line and open myself up to the very real possibility that someone outside of my situation can relly help me.
Once again, thank you and I hope your therapy goes well

[lovenstuff]

I hear ya, sister! Keep your head up. "This too shall pass" right? "What the heart wants, the head cannot stop." That is a good point. The right side of the brain is powerful and cares not what the left side (logic) has to dispute over the matter.

Strongwilled is good but I think its awesome that you are starting to acknowledge that there is no shame in asking for help. Even posting in this forum is a good way to reach out I think.. Baby steps. Keep it up, things will get better