Wanting what you know you can't have...

[Indestructible]

"Every Pot Has A Lid" you're just not doing anything productive in order to find your lid. You can't expect a girl to drop down from the sky into your lap. You particularily can't expect that if you are not of society's idea of attractive. So (same question asked ad-naseum of LR) what do you do to put yourself out there in order to meet your "Lid?"

I'm not sure I understand your analogy; what does the "lid" represent? If you're asking what I'm doing to meet women, eh... I dunno. I mean, I'm in college (finishing up, actually), and I work part time in retail, so it's not as though I'm a total recluse that never encounters people at all. I just don't hit it off with anyone that way. The few times I have "hit it off" with a girl, she wasn't interested in dating me. I've also tried some online dating sites several times over the last few years, and I wrote to any girl that seemed the least bit interesting, but never got any responses. Other than that, I just kind of go about my business, but I never meet anyone "serendipitously". I dunno... All the happy couples I know met at work, or at school, or through friends, or whatever, and I just wish something like that could happen for me. It just never does.

That would be your perspective though and "masking" your negativity rather than actually being of positive attitude are two very different things.

The thing about me is, this "online" me is not the same as "offline" me. "Offline" me is quite "normal"; I act upbeat and laid back, I'm nice and friendly to people, I try to get people to laugh, etc. In other words, offline, I'm not some fatalistic black hole of sadness, like I maybe come across as on forums like these. What you see here is the result of me bottling up all my unhappy, unpleasant thoughts, then pouring them out onto the Internet. See, one major problem is, it's hard to be "positive" and "confident" when, in my whole life, I've never really been able to "catch a break". I understand that "life is hard", and all that jazz, but I've literally never "caught a break". It's hard to be positive when life has dealt you so many crappy "hands". If I could just "catch a break" once, get one nice little "win" in one aspect of my life, I think that would really turn things around for me. But it hasn't happened yet, and it doesn't look like I will be any time soon. Worst case scenario, though, I'm doing the whole "fake it til you make it" thing, right?

This is what someone with depression would say. Get therapy, you have nothing to lose anyway, right?

What I'm saying, though, is that going through therapy isn't going to make me any more capable of finding someone. There's no real relation, there, between the problems. I'm sure plenty of "depressed" people manage to date. Even if I go through therapy and work out my problems, that doesn't mean women are going to be any more inclined to find me appealing as a date.

[Wakeup]

I'm not sure I understand your analogy; what does the "lid" represent?

You're the "pot" and your mate is the "lid"

If you're asking what I'm doing to meet women, eh... I dunno. I mean, I'm in college (finishing up, actually), and I work part time in retail, so it's not as though I'm a total recluse that never encounters people at all. I just don't hit it off with anyone that way.

that's more than likely due to the negativity you exude and the fact that you're basically (due to attitude in general) rather closed off and unapproachable.

The few times I have "hit it off" with a girl, she wasn't interested in dating me.

So, it's not like you're the only person in the world who has been rejected by someone they'd like to get to know better. Dating/scouting for dates and success is a numbers game and the more you try, the better the odds are you'll connect with a kindred spirt.

I've also tried some online dating sites several times over the last few years, and I wrote to any girl that seemed the least bit interesting, but never got any responses.

Not one response? What was your introduction email like?

Other than that, I just kind of go about my business, but I never meet anyone "serendipitously". I dunno... All the happy couples I know met at work, or at school, or through friends, or whatever, and I just wish something like that could happen for me. It just never does.

read the paragraph above about being unopen and negative.

The thing about me is, this "online" me is not the same as "offline" me. "Offline" me is quite "normal"; I act upbeat and laid back, I'm nice and friendly to people, I try to get people to laugh, etc. In other words, offline, I'm not some fatalistic black hole of sadness, like I maybe come across as on forums like these. What you see here is the result of me bottling up all my unhappy, unpleasant thoughts, then pouring them out onto the Internet.

I'm sure if I spent more than an hour in your company it would be plain to see the negative vibe that you think you are hiding. Shit like that permeates out of your pores. Read The Secret to understand what I'm talking about. What you put out is what you will get back. Youre fake persona isn't cutting it.

See, one major problem is, it's hard to be "positive" and "confident" when, in my whole life, I've never really been able to "catch a break". I understand that "life is hard", and all that jazz, but I've literally never "caught a break". It's hard to be positive when life has dealt you so many crappy "hands".

I think you and LR are one and the same people. You should read all of his threads and take some of the advice given to him that he stubbornly refuses to implement in order to improve his lot.

If I could just "catch a break" once, get one nice little "win" in one aspect of my life, I think that would really turn things around for me. But it hasn't happened yet, and it doesn't look like I will be any time soon. Worst case scenario, though, I'm doing the whole "fake it til you make it" thing, right?

Read The Secret. You are pitching crap to the Universe and the Universe is throwing it back to you. If you don't agree with therapy, then at least do some reading that will likely help you with your negativity.

[Indestructible]

that's more than likely due to the negativity you exude and the fact that you're basically (due to attitude in general) rather closed off and unapproachable.

I'm sure if I spent more than an hour in your company it would be plain to see the negative vibe that you think you are hiding. Shit like that permeates out of your pores. Read The Secret to understand what I'm talking about. What you put out is what you will get back. Youre fake persona isn't cutting it.

I disagree. Granted, around new people I'm unfamiliar with, it does take me a while to open up, and I can be quiet and reserved a lot, but I really don't believe I'm "unapproachable" or anything like that at all. Like I said, when I'm around people I enjoy being with, I'm pretty much normal. I'm never the "life of the party", of course, but I never bring the mood down, either. Again, I know how I sound in my posts, but how I am on here isn't a very accurate representation as to what I'm like out in the real world, around people. Perhaps you don't believe that, and that's fine, but I don't really have much of a reason to lie to you or anyone else here.

Not one response? What was your introduction email like?

I stay away from the lame "hey ur hot wanna chat?"-type lines for sure, I often try to mention something from their profiles so that they see that I actually took the time to bother reading what they wrote, I try not to get too wordy, and I make it clear that I'd like to get to know them better.

[Wakeup]

but I don't really have much of a reason to lie to you or anyone else here.

It's not that you'd be "lying" about the "way" you are, but rather how you're mis-reading your own self. (?)

As for your zero email response. How many did you send out before you gave up?

[Indestructible]

It's not that you'd be "lying" about the "way" you are, but rather how you're mis-reading your own self. (?)

Ah. Well. I don't know. Believe it or not, I've had people basically tell me that they thought I was pretty cool and liked hanging around with me. I can't imagine that's something you'd convey to someone that you don't really like or don't think is very pleasant to be around, yanno?

As for your zero email response. How many did you send out before you gave up?

Eh, I dunno, I never kept count, or anything. Over the last 4-5 years, I would sporadically jump onto a handful of different dating sites for about a month or two at a time, send out some messages, get bored due to lack of responses, and disappear for a few months before repeating the cycle over.

[Wakeup]

Okay... carry on in the status quo. Who am I to try and find solutions to what you are obviously content in. I will say that any guy who is outright told that he's a "pretty cool" guy shouldn't have the trouble you're having.

Take a gander at those books I've mentioned, if nothing else, they'll keep you occupied in your perpetual singlehood.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop posting woe is me. Seriously, your training starts here, man. If you can't be positive about your prospects here, then you *are* doomed.

Consider yourself ass-kicked. I think The Secret is truth wrapped in crap. But there is truth that if you are positive, you will attract good things. Flip your thinking, it really is as simple as flicking a switch.

This goes for you too, LR.

[Love'sReject]

Lol, thanks Indi.

[Indestructible]

Okay... carry on in the status quo. Who am I to try and find solutions to what you are obviously content in. I will say that any guy who is outright told that he's a "pretty cool" guy shouldn't have the trouble you're having.

I'm not trying to be rude or argue with you, or anything like that. I'm just... very confused. I don't really understand why things are the way for me. I don't understand why people generally seem to like me once they get to know me, yet I still don't have much luck having a social life nor in the world of dating. It just doesn't seem to add up to me.

Stop posting woe is me. Seriously, your training starts here, man. If you can't be positive about your prospects here, then you *are* doomed.

Like I said, it's tough to truly "be positive" when you never really get a "victory", even when you work hard. Yanno?

[IndiReloaded]

I know that if you muck around in the dirt, then you can expect to find worms. Choose to surround yourself with those who inspire you to greatness and you will find eagles.

It's all about attitude. I wonder, though, what has happened or what you have done that you don't think you deserve the best. Find that dark seed and cut it out; be ruthless about it.

More help than this I, nor anyone else here, can give. It's up to you now. Hope to see you on the high cliffs; being Indestructable is a great asset up there, btw.

[Indestructible]

I know that if you muck around in the dirt, then you can expect to find worms. Choose to surround yourself with those who inspire you to greatness and you will find eagles.

I try to surround myself with people that make me want to be the best I can be. The only thing is, something always ends up happening to strain those relationships. Usually one of two things... Either I'll trust someone that ends up going behind my back and using some piece of information to "defame" me to everyone else, or I'll get a little too attached to people I like being around and they'll kinda pull away; actually, I'm going through a combination of both of those right now with my current friends. :/

I wonder, though, what has happened or what you have done that you don't think you deserve the best. Find that dark seed and cut it out; be ruthless about it.

Just several bad experiences with people, and no real good ones to even things out. Every time I get a good thing going with people, one (or both) of the situations I described above occurs, and I get knocked back down to square one. Even in situations unrelated to people and socializing, I always seem to "fail". Like for instance, with school. I was so happy, last semester, because the current semester was supposed to be my last, then I didn't pass one of my classes and now I have to try to take it over the summer, or wait until fall to finish. Stuff like that always happens to me. I'm not trying to be fatalistic, or "woe is me", I'm just stating a fact, I never "win", even when I work as hard as I can, I never get a "victory". It's not about what I deserve or don't deserve, it just seems like I never ever catch a break. If I haven't before in my life, it's just difficult to be positive and optimistic about it happening in the future, yanno?

[LoveDocJon]

Hm. Well, I... didn't want to get too specific, because I can probably guess how this discussion is going to turn out, but "dating", finding someone, and falling in love, in general, is the thing I "want but can't have". Those things just aren't going to happen for me, and I'm sick of wanting them, but knowing I can't have them. I was able to *kinda* put them out of my head for about 4-5 years, now, but after falling hard for a girl late last year, the bad unhappy feelings are back worse than ever. I figure if I can accept that those things are not possible for me, maybe I can finally move on to having a happy life and finding a different way to find some fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

You don't need therapy. What you need is some expert coaching on dating. Send me an email at lovedocjon@gmail.com or text me at (631)-428 - 2119. I'm not able to answer calls today due to business. A simple talk will open your eyes to my system. Hoping to hear from you.
-Jon

[LoveDocJon]

Hm. Well, I... didn't want to get too specific, because I can probably guess how this discussion is going to turn out, but "dating", finding someone, and falling in love, in general, is the thing I "want but can't have". Those things just aren't going to happen for me, and I'm sick of wanting them, but knowing I can't have them. I was able to *kinda* put them out of my head for about 4-5 years, now, but after falling hard for a girl late last year, the bad unhappy feelings are back worse than ever. I figure if I can accept that those things are not possible for me, maybe I can finally move on to having a happy life and finding a different way to find some fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

You don't need therapy. What you need is some expert coaching on dating. Send me an email at lovedocjon@gmail.com or text me at (631)-428 - 2119. I'm not able to answer calls today due to business. A simple talk will open your eyes to my system. Hoping to hear from you.
-Jon

[Wakeup]

Yep.. what you put out into the universe comes back to you.

[Love'sReject]

Like women would know anything about this. Women don't have to deal with rejection, so asking broads for practical advice is pretty useless..