Wanting what you know you can't have...

[Indestructible]

Yep.. what you put out into the universe comes back to you.

Perhaps, but like I've been saying, I try to be the best I can be. I don't go out into the world as an angry, disgruntled, pessimistic jerk. I may not be the most "fun" or "exciting", but I try to be the best person I can. It's just frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright depressing to think that I'm in my mid-20s now, and even when I'm being the "best I can be", that's still apparently not good enough.

Like women would know anything about this. Women don't have to deal with rejection, so asking broads for practical advice is pretty useless..

Eh. I can't say I really subscribe to the same beliefs as you, per se. I wouldn't say women don't have to deal with rejection, rather, I think men and women experience different types of rejection. I'd agree that women are basically the "gatekeepers" as to whether or not dating occurs with any particular guy; for men, getting rejected is typically a more short term thing, and it's basically a complete shut down from the start. I'd argue that women get "rejected" when they date a guy that's just not right for them; he either cheats on her, mistreats her, or just isn't the guy she thought he was. In this situation, the major difference, admittedly, are that the girls get to date and do that stuff with a guy before they're rejected, whereas, a guy getting rejected doesn't get to do all of that stuff at all. Which is worse, I don't know, and I don't care to debate on.

Anyway, I'd say that it's difficult to find anyone that really "understands", man or woman, because most people have dated at least once in their life between the ages of 16 and 24. Not many people truly know how it feels to never find one single person to date by the time you're hitting your mid-20s. That's not to discredit anyone, or anyone's advice, or anything like that. It's just not something a lot of people can actually relate to empathize with. Of all the people I know who are about the same age as me, I don't know ANYONE else that has never dated at all. So, I don't even have anyone that understands and relates, out in the real world.

[Wakeup]

Perhaps, but like I've been saying, I try to be the best I can be. I don't go out into the world as an angry, disgruntled, pessimistic jerk. I may not be the most "fun" or "exciting", but I try to be the best person I can. It's just frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright depressing to think that I'm in my mid-20s now, and even when I'm being the "best I can be", that's still apparently not good enough.

You don't understand the concept of the power of positive thinking. If you read The Power of Positive Thinking or the more esoteric book on the same subject ~ The Secret... come back and talk your negativity then. At least then, you'll understand bettter, what I'm trying to convey.

[Indestructible]

Alright, well... I bought a digital copy of Power Of Positive Thinking, and I read the first chapter last night. Just out of curiosity, are the Christian/ religious overtones pretty strong throughout? I mean, I'm not nonreligious, but I'm not exactly big on religion, either, so it's kind of hard to get anything out of some of it, like when the author suggests certain Bible quotes to repeat to oneself, and things like that.

[Wakeup]

You might enjoy The Secret better which in affect talks about The Universe rather than the bible or a Higher Power. The jist is that we are like magnets and what we put out to the universe comes back to us whether postive or negative.

As Indie put it: The Secret is "truth wrapped in crap." The important part is the 'truth.' Your vision, your goals and the achieving of them.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, TBH, it's crap wrapped in crap. But everyone has their way of trying to believe in themselves. Personally, I'm more of a 'just do it', type but that's hard for most I do understand.

[IndiReloaded]

Speaking of crap, I finally picked up 50 shades of grey from the library yesterday. It was sitting on the express book rack as I was leaving so I grabbed it. LOL! Judging from the copies sold, people really do want to believe that pure love can heal the damaged soul. Christ, what a load of trollop.

The sex scenes are good fun, though, if you can get over the M-F power struggle stuff.

[Wakeup]

Well, TBH, it's crap wrapped in crap. But everyone has their way of trying to believe in themselves. Personally, I'm more of a 'just do it', type but that's hard for most I do understand.

Actually, "Just do it" is what he's been doing (or so he says) but it's not been working for him. *shrugs*

Sometimes one's "vision board" is just the ticket to "just do it" and actually get it done.

Oh.. and tks for the review of Shades of Gray.. I've been wondering what all the fuss is about. Think I'll see if our daughter has a copy (she's an avid reader) and take a gander.

[IndiReloaded]

No, he hasn't been 'just doing it'. Saying it is not the same as, well, doing it.

SOG is a one-night read. You might find it amusing to read passages to your husband. That's what I'm going to use it for, well, not my husband. You get the idea.

[Wakeup]

No, he hasn't been 'just doing it'. Saying it is not the same as, well, doing it.

SOG is a one-night read. You might find it amusing to read passages to your husband. That's what I'm going to use it for, well, not my husband. You get the idea.

Sounds like fun

[Indestructible]

No, he hasn't been 'just doing it'. Saying it is not the same as, well, doing it.

Do what, though? Part of the problem is that I don't understand what it is I'm "not doing" or doing "wrong".

[IndiReloaded]

Step one - know what you want. What do you want? Note, this != 'what do I think I can get'. State clearly: what you want.

Step two - well, lets see how you go on Step one.

[Indestructible]

Okay. "What do I want" as far as what? Are we talking, in terms of dating, or just in general, or what? And does "what I want" vs "what I think I can get" really make that much of a difference?

[Guybrush]

Okay. "What do I want" as far as what? Are we talking, in terms of dating, or just in general, or what? And does "what I want" vs "what I think I can get" really make that much of a difference?

You started this thread by asking "how do you stop constantly wanting things that you know that you can't have?".

Indie is asking you to define the two most vital components of your question, which I agree is a good mental exercise for you, and also gives us a much better basis for advising you. So please:

A: Define what you want
B: Define the limit between what you "know you can't have" and what you believe you can have.

And, by the way, of course there is a difference! When I negotiate my salary I want 10 million dollars a year. What I think I can get is something entirely different.

[Indestructible]

Hm. Well, let me break it down like this, then.

What I want:

Generally speaking, I want a much more fulfilling social life. I want to have people in my life that value and enjoy my company as much as I do theirs. I want people I can trust, and talk to. I want people I can go out with every (or at least most) weekend, and do whatever with.

In terms of dating, I want to find a girl that I "click" with at least as well as I would with friends, preferably better. I want a girl that gets and shares my sarcastic, snarky sense of humor. I want a girl that I can have fun playful banter with. I want a girl that's smart, and mature, that I can talk to about "real" things. I want a girl that's independent enough to stand up for herself and be perfectly fine "fighting her own battles"; I don't want a girl that's going to be expect me to be their shining white knight and protector (that's not to say I wouldn't support and have a potential girlfriend's back, so to speak, just that I want her to be tough enough to stand on her own two feet).

What I think I can have:

Socially, I seem to only be capable of having "acquaintances". People I see and talk to regularly, but only by forced means (work, school, etc.). People I only get to actually hang out with and spend "real" time with maybe once every couple of months. Some of them act like and even claim that they want to be better friends with me, but whenever I reach out to them, I receive only indifference; I can only be friends with people on their terms, when it's convenient for them, and that's typically not often.

As far as dating goes, well, I don't know what I "think I can have". Being that I've never been able to attract a girl to me, I'd be inclined to say that I don't believe I can date and have an intimate relationship with a special lady at all. I see my best case scenario as settling for someone that doesn't challenge me hard enough to be the kind of person I want to be. I'm reminded of a girl I knew in high school; I *think* she might have liked me, and she was a nice girl, but I never pursued her, because she was just too submissive. I don't think she would've made me challenge myself as much as I'd want.

[Indestructible]

Aw, no one wants to respond after that? :/