My Boyfriend's Friend With Benefits

[DanceMe]

Thank you again, btw! This is very helpful in rounding the picture out. I want to make the best decision.

[Wakeup]

Sounds like a plan... now you just have to introduce him to it.

I'm curious. Why did you overstep your boyfriend (who is the problem because he wont' shut her down) to go directly to her? I'm telling you right now,he will resent you for that. Don't let him change the subject so that you're both arguing about that fact and forget about the fact he's "dating" another girl.

[DanceMe]

Look... men are simple creatures of habit.. its easy to slip into sleeping with someone you are comfortable with and have slept with before.. If he slept with her before you, and then during your break and is now trying to keep you apart... he is trying to hide something. If he only wanted to be her friend, he'd want you involved so you'd know its ok.

He says it would be awkward because of their history and then recent intimacy. I think he needs to do it anyway. It's about being accountable.

[DanceMe]

Sounds like a plan... now you just have to introduce him to it.

I'm curious. Why did you overstep your boyfriend (who is the problem because he wont' shut her down) to go directly to her? I'm telling you right now,he will resent you for that. Don't let him change the subject so that you're both arguing about that fact and forget about the fact he's "dating" another girl.

Thanks Wakeup!

I contacted her because I was so fed up. He has been putting off letting me meet her, but all the while going back and forth as to why it would be ok but still weird. He was trying to reassure me without having to tell me they had slept together. The thing is I just kept getting more frustrated! It didnt make sense to me tht i couldnt meet her. I asked him on and off for 5 months to arrange a meeting. Finally he confessed what happened.

He was really ashamed and worried I would leave him. He says it meant nothing and he wouldn't be her bf even if I broke up with him. I guess she is just an easy lay.

Well, when he found out I contacted her (she told him) he wasn't upset at all. He is just sad about the whole thing. He said they really just have known each other a long time and yes, I will eventually meet her.

[Wakeup]

.... That's great. The fact he didn't change this around on you is a good sign, I think. Now that he's said it, lets see if he'll actually inplement it and if he'll cut out all this one-on-one time. I'd be nice if she shut him down as well since she "has a boyfriend and you needn't worry." Makes one wonder what her boyfriend thinks about all this one-on-one or if he even knows about it.

Good luck, keep us updated.

[DanceMe]

I will write back with any updates. Thanks for the help and well wishes. Best to everyone who posted here and everyone on this site!

[DanceMe]

Ok small update...

He contacted her to arrange a visit, but she said she is too busy with other commitments right now.
He also said he is pretty much sick of her or the idea of her messing with he and I and he wants space from her anyway.

I figure I'll give it another week and see how things progress.

[michelle23]

He is playing you. It is time to dump him. You are in denial right now but have some self respect and block him out of your life completely. Dont let him worm his way back. He will destroy you if you stay with him. He has probably been cheating since the start and will continue to do so. There are too many red flags here. Wake up and leave her have him

[michelle23]

The fact that he is deleting his texts, meeting her alone and will not let you speak to her is enough. Why don't you steal her number from his phone and ring her. It wouldn't surprise me if she knows nothing about you and is in the same situation as you.

Or else text her and ask her to meet you without telling him. Demand to know what is going on.

I would not trust this man as far as I could throw him and I really think you need to walk away now.

[michelle23]

Ok, well here is some more information...

I contacted her and told her she and I needed to talk. She responded that she has a bf and is not a threat.

I understand I may be a bit naive at times but I am a very loving person. I won't however have my generous spirit be stomped on.

I think that she needs to back off and/ or my bf needs to make her very aware of his commitment to me, by limiting contact with her and introducing me.

I understand that he wants to remain friends, there are career factors associated. They have mutual circles. He just needs to start bringing me around since I am in the same career field, just not at their level yet. They are a bit older than me.

It is very easy for her to lie and say that. When me ex cheated on me, the other girl lied straight to my face and accused me of "spreading rumors" about her and him. I would not put up with this. The fact he slept with her while you were on a short break would be enough for me to walk away even if he didn't maintain contact with her. Men who can hop from one bed to the next should be avoided at all costs even if they are single. You should learn from this experience and find someone who has more self respect and more respect for you

[Wakeup]

..... O.o .....

[Wakeup]

Ok small update...

He contacted her to arrange a visit, but she said she is too busy with other commitments right now.
He also said he is pretty much sick of her or the idea of her messing with he and I and he wants space from her anyway.

I figure I'll give it another week and see how things progress.

HE contacted her to arrange a visit after the conversation you had about it being inappropriate?

Whadda asshole.

*Or... do you mean he contacted her to come visit the both of you?

He also said he is pretty much sick of her or the idea of her messing with he and I and he wants space from her anyway.

How convenient that she has other commitments and hes sick of her coming between you two now that he's said he'll introduce the two of you. Anyway, hopefully that's the truth and this is the end of the bullshit.

[bleucandle]

Damn, that situation has too many flags. Im not going to present a powerpoint of flags here. I believe you can see them all by yourself. Don't wait to get hit by a train, to realize that it was a train. Can't you hear the noise and the rumble.

again, self-preservation is a beautiful thing

[Maple1714]

Yeah...after reading all of this I would tell your BF to have a nice life. It's just too much drama and for what reason? There are plenty of guys out there that wouldn't do this type of crap. He keeps his back-up(s?) around...why? B/c he is a douche.

[DanceMe]

HE contacted her to arrange a visit after the conversation you had about it being inappropriate?

Whadda asshole.

*Or... do you mean he contacted her to come visit the both of you?

How convenient that she has other commitments and hes sick of her coming between you two now that he's said he'll introduce the two of you. Anyway, hopefully that's the truth and this is the end of the bullshit.

HE contacted her to arrange a visit after the conversation you had about it being inappropriate?

Whadda asshole.

*Or... do you mean he contacted her to come visit the both of you?

How convenient that she has other commitments and hes sick of her coming between you two now that he's said he'll introduce the two of you. Anyway, hopefully that's the truth and this is the end of the bullshit.

Wakeup,

He contacted her so that we could go visit her. As far as I know he is not seeing her right now, but he also is tired of me looking sad or getting frustrated if/when he mentions her, so I am not really sure if they are in contact.

I really do hope this is the end of the bs as I am choosing to trust and work at this, and I don't want that being taken advantage of.