When is the Appropriate Time to Discuss Exclusivity?

[Demonology]

I have been dating this person for about three months now. Neither of us have been seeing anyone else.

We've done just about everything except discuss exclusivity, whether we are considered a couple, etc.

Do these things usually just go unspoken, or are they formally discussed?

And if so, when does this generally occur?

Am I thinking about these questions too soon?

Thanks.

[Boisdevie]

The exclusivity talk? I'm 48 and I have never had an 'exclusivity' talk as it seemed pretty self evident and implicit in my relationships. If you're not seeing anyone else then surely it's kind of understood between the two of you no?

[oldskool83]

i think after 2 months is fine to ask. your ad 3 so just ask.

[Wakeup]

This day and age (especially if you are young) I think you NEED to have the exclusivity talk. With the popularity of online dating and everyone's opportunities being far greater, I'd have the exclusivity talk once sex was introduced into our relationship. No point risking your sexual and emotional health by leaving it up to assumption. JMNSHO

[ashley89]

it has been 3 months I think by this point it's pretty clear you two want to be exclusive. I would bring it up just so you can make it clear but it sounds to me like you already are an exclusive couple :]

[HeartIsAching]

What Wakeup and Ashley said.

[Wakeup]

it has been 3 months I think by this point it's pretty clear you two want to be exclusive. I would bring it up just so you can make it clear but it sounds to me like you already are an exclusive couple :]

A friend of ours was seeing a girl from a dating site every weekend for about 6 months and he "assumed" and thought it was pretty clear that they were exclusive (particularily since she closed her online account) until she told him she couldn't see him next weekend because she was getting married. (true story) .. and yes, they were having sex...

[ashley89]

A friend of ours was seeing a girl from a dating site every weekend for about 6 months and he "assumed" they were exclusive until she told him she couldn't see him next weekend because she was getting married. (true story) .. and yes, they were having sex.

OMG! what?! nooo way... I would freak

[Wakeup]

He did. It took him awhile to come to terms with his own naivety and missing her like crazy. It's okay, he's doing just fine now and in a new "exclusive" relationship though.

[ashley89]

people are insane... what kind of a person would do something like that? I feel bad for the guy she married too! at least your friend finally found someone!

[Wakeup]

The perils of online dating. We have a female friend whose daughter just got married last year to a guy she met on the same site. Buyer beware is all.

Oh, and don't feel sorry for the guy whose girl was doing our friend. Seems her and her fiance had an "understanding." She just forgot to tell our friend about it being the disingenuous bitch that she is.

[ashley89]

The perils of online dating. We have a female friend who just got married last year to a guy she met on the same site. Buyer beware is all.

that's why I don't mess with that stuff. my friend and I made profiles on plenty of fish last summer as a joke, you should have seen some of the creepy ass messages we got. I made it for 24 hours and was actually so overwhelmed with the amount of messages and weird things people said that we only kept them up for 24 hours and then deleted them. that was enough for me to want to never take that stuff seriously haha

[Wakeup]

I added to the post you quoted, Ash. I wonder if our friend had of asked for exclusivity if she would have come out and told him of her "arrangement" with her fiance?

[ashley89]

ok... that makes this even weirder! what guy would be ok with his fiance screwing another guy? I don't understand what goes through people's minds... I hope he didn't contract anything from this slimeball girl

[Wakeup]

It's called an "open relationship" and it's actually more common then you'd think.

He never went without a rubber. (or so he said) He was naive, not wreckless ..