ex girlfriend pulled the "I need time" card?

[michelle23]

If u think my advice is bad just put me on ignore lol - couldnt care less. Im not sure y u spend so much time debating and arguing with me. Is it bcoz someone picked on u when u joined the site and now that ur here awhile u think u can do the same?

Meh not bothered really. Ill continue on to give people whatever advice i can. Its up to them to decide whether im just waffling or not-not you

[Wakeup]

First you said, no contact, then you said well maybe lay it on the line, then you said okay go meet her and buy her a drink. I know you were giving advise based on what was going on in the thread. The point is. lol that everyone else just kept to Do Not Contact her no matter what was going on.

That's why I said "What aren't you getting here rob?" I went back to prove a point about your waffling after you addressed me, otherwise I'd not have taken the time.

You can justify all you want, but your contradictions speak for themselves and I only paid attention to show you what I was talking about. You still don't get it either lol. You can lead a horse lol to water but you can't make her lol drink. lol.

lol... you can put me on ignore too lol

Its up to them to decide whether im just waffling or not-not you

Once again, you forgot that it was you that spoke about my post first... I reminded you of that so you wouldn't do another back peddle.

[michelle23]

Also there is a big difference between post number 3 and post number 32. A lot more info was given in between and i did pount out to josh that i may not be the best person to give him advice as i have never been in his shoes or his gfs. But i was trying to help-thats all i can do

[Wakeup]

It's okay, I don't care, but if you address me in a post, I will explain to you what I meant and why I said what I said, I can keep doing it as long as you do and as long as a mod allows it.

If you tell somone no contact, then why adise go see them? Nothing had changed, no progess in her coming back to him had transpired, she didn't want to go off break so why go see her and buy her something for her birthday? If she wanted to talk to him about reconvening thier previous relationship, then I could see going and doing something with her or dropping off a drink to her but it was the same situation of "on break."

[michelle23]

Everyone else actually disappeared wakeup and i was the only one bothering to respond for awhile. He didnt want to take the no contact advice and can u blame him when he was going out of his mind. He wanted to keep things civil-i told him the best way to do that.

[Wakeup]

So? I told him No contact and keep it that way. I'll remind you again that you questioned my post so I was clarifying for Josh first, you second. It's that simple.

[Wakeup]

"he was going out of his mind?" If that's the case, Josh, definately no contact then (IMO) so you can rehab from your addiction to being with her and recapturing your mind as soon as possible. Ever hear the saying, out of site, out of mind... that's what no contact will help you accomplish. Thing is, you have to first accept its over or you'll keep trying to flog a dead horse.

[michelle23]

And i agree with you on that. Not sure what your point is exactly but meh..

[Wakeup]

No contact was the point. Always has been. That means no one word answers or mean replies.

[spiritofjosh]

I haven't been online in a week or so and this thread really continued without me whoa. Ok so things have gotten better between her and I. I can't recall how it just got better but it did. We had more serious talks, with less pathetic begging and more casual, confident honesty. I told her everything, why I did this, why I felt that way etc. She told me she finally felt important and kept asking if I meant what I was saying and yes I did mean it. She's been nicer to me and is saying she wants us to meet so she can finally give me my birthday presents but I've just been busy. She also was asking about my band's "reunion show" we're playing next month and that she wants to come. Last weekend she came out and asked me tons of questions about me talking to somebody new, or if I was moving on yet and didn't believe I wasn't. I got annoyed and we argued about it and I again said that I'm not like that because I care about her and that she was important to me etc and things went back to normal again. She texted me again today but the conversation was somewhat brief, she just asked me about my band's show and the exact date.

But tonight I was finally getting fed up with wondering why she cares if I'm moving on but clearly isn't really doing anything productive with us but isn't moving on either. It just didn't make sense so I asked her what the hell she wants from me and she got defensive and started just saying that she just wants to know and that there isn't a reason behind it. Basically I called her out and asked if it's because she misses me but can't swallow her pride to say it, and that she just puts this front up to hide that she proved herself wrong about me and that I'm not a bad person she thought. I said more regarding this but she just said she'll talk to me later and didn't want to talk about it now, like I struck a nerve. finally she admitted that she does miss me and that's why she texts me because she was thinking of me but thinking about us together is a lot to think of right this second and she wants to talk in person. After that she was being playful and sent me a picture of us she had in her phone, and just some other comments about her thinking I just haven't moved on yet. Again I argued back but not in a negative way, just stuck up for myself and that was basically it.

Obviously I'm not assuming we are definitely going to get back together, something can change at any moment but at least we have moved somewhat forward. We talked more about what she needs to realize and not just always assume the worst but its been a very slow process. We also talked about her insecurities and that I can't just be the victim of them. I'm being patient and hopefully I won't be let down because it seems like she's finally starting to see that I really do care about her.

[VincenzoG91]

Time for you to play this card:

[Wakeup]

I'm going to look for a photo of a horse with a carrot being dangled in front of it's face.
Or a chick holding Josh like a cello while she plays him.

[spiritofjosh]

I don't understand though. Ok so she broke up with me for reasons she clearly justified. For other opinions I brought this up to all the friends who know us, specifically ones who don't really talk to her. All took her side, saying that I really was a terrible boyfriend and that they're surprised she held out this long but never wanted to say anything to me because I'm stubborn. Obviously after breaking up with me she still had feelings and clearly so did I. I did the wrong thing by chasing her, promising change and begging. I stopped begging, stopped chasing her and started making changes. Since she, in her words, assumed that I did exactly what she thought I would and move on the first chance I got she was proved wrong that I didn't. Now she explains she's still skeptical if I changed a few things just to get her back or if I realized that I really need to swallow my pride and become a better person. This is going back to my first couple posts about caring more for other female's feelings.

If she is such a typical, manipulating girl, holding a "carrot in front of my face" then time will tell and I will have one more life learning experience, no? And perhaps became a much better person for whoever I meet next in the process. If it were the other way around and I treated her like a Goddess and she was the neglecting one, than I would say yes, she is playing me. I just can't see this being true right now. I've been played before by many girls, and all they're behavior was the same, my ex now's behavior isn't anything close, which is why I came to this forum in the first place. It's been over a month and she still hasn't met anybody. She went to a party with her girlfriend last Friday and two of my friends that were there told me, separate, that she kept to herself the whole time and barely talked to anybody, and she isn't a shy person.

If she's playing me like her favorite cello, then she sure doesn't seem to have much of a back up plan after she tosses me away again.

[spiritofjosh]

I don't want to come off as sounding high and mighty or that anybody here is wrong, but for example, the ex I dated 5 years would go back out with me but before that she would be holding me on a leash. Even then I knew it but always came back when she wanted me anyway. I just don't feel that way now, her side to everything makes sense and when I'd throw an argument back defending myself, she would just justify herself against that, asking how would she know that I wouldn't go right back to how I was. Just because most relationships don't work out after a breakup, doesn't mean each person is exactly the same. Some people breakup for good reasons, not all breakup because they have somebody else waiting or want to jump on the next guy she meets.

[Wakeup]

It's been over a month and she still hasn't met anybody. She went to a party with her girlfriend last Friday and two of my friends that were there told me, separate, that she kept to herself the whole time and barely talked to anybody, and she isn't a shy person.

I'm guessing She'lll stop contacting you once she meets someone else. Just because she's not met anyone yet or hasn't been open to meeing anyone else doesn't mean she wants you back. I see her playing you by keeping you hooked with her tidbits of attention.. she just doesn't want to be without anyone's attention and you're apt to give it to her even when you say you're not or you won't.

Up to you if you're happy with the ego strokes her non-commital attention gives you or not. If she wants you back she should say so instead of feeding you the bs that keeps you bonded to her.
JMO.. Your choice how you play this out.

To add: She's still playing the "lets be friends" card. E.g.: "Lets get together and I can give you your birthday presents".. and you're letting her have you as a friend.