ex girlfriend pulled the "I need time" card?

[Wakeup]

It's not biased in the least... It's based on whats been shared here: If she's insecure enough to care what her friends say about the man she is supposed to love, then he is not the man for her. It's that simple and that black and white. I know if my friends said something negative to me about my bf who I loved (now husband for many years) I would have told them to f-off. Particularily if he wasn't showing me any red flag behaviour. Now, that being said... Josh did show her red flag behaviour by lying to her about an ex so maybe she should just go away and stay away because she will never be able to accept his past, trust him or be secure enough in her own worth to feel safe in being able to be enough for him.

They are incompatible. Josh should be with a woman (not a girl) who can accept the fact that he was promiscuous and is now able to trust him to be exclusive with her.

I feel they've been mis-matched as LIFE partners from the very beginning. Why delay the inevitable?

[spiritofjosh]

Thanks guys. I talked to her today and it doesn't look like we are going to get back together again. She said the relationship we had didn't make her feel good or important and that she's happier now. I guess good for her. I'll move on eventually but at least I'm not hanging onto something that I'm not sure of.

She admits she still likes me and cares for me but I guess I'm trying not to care about what she says now because it doesn't matter. Time heals all wounds. Thanks again.

[Wakeup]

Thanks guys. I talked to her today and it doesn't look like we are going to get back together again. She said the relationship we had didn't make her feel good or important and that she's happier now. I guess good for her. I'll move on eventually but at least I'm not hanging onto something that I'm not sure of.

She admits she still likes me and cares for me but I guess I'm trying not to care about what she says now because it doesn't matter. Time heals all wounds. Thanks again.

DO NOT let her keep texting you or try to keep in contact with your to be your "friend." You don't need to be giving her your attention and allowing yourself to be demoted to MALE girlfriend.

Zero contact now, Josh. Be free from your past pulls and gfs so that you can start with a clean slate with the next girl you see potential with. Don't keep past lovers around to complicate a new relationship.

Good luck and stick around. Perhaps your experiences will help other young men with their problems.

[michelle23]

No problem. I hope youll be ok. Best of luck to you.

Wakeup-your opinion is your opinion. Most people know what they want in a partner tho and if they dont want someone with a promiscious past-that doesnt mean they are insecure-it means they know what they want. Most men wouldnt go out with a girl who has a reputation which is accepted as normal so why should a respectable women accept a mans past reputation?

That is a personal choice-not low self-esteem. In order to feel "good enough" or ever "compatable" sexually for example-id want someone with similar experience to me. Otherwise id feel like im being judged and wouldnt be able to relax with him.
On the other hand-with someeone similar to me-im totally relaxed and confident in bed. That does not make me insecure or lacking in self esteem. I just know what im comfortable with and what i can and cant accept.

I wouldnt, however stick around and hold the past against someone-thats pointless and immature. I woulbt listen to my friends either if they tried to turn me against my bf but weve been together a long time.. If lots of people were telling me in the early stages hes bad news etc. That would make me think twice

[Wakeup]

[QUOTE=michelle23;873776]

Wakeup-your opinion is your opinion. Most people know what they want in a partner tho and if they dont want someone with a promiscious past-that doesnt mean they are insecure-it means they know what they want. Most men wouldnt go out with a girl who has a reputation which is accepted as normal so why should a respectable women accept a mans past reputation?

If she was secure, then she wouldn't hold his past against him and she'd still be with him. If she trusted him to be past the ball-freak stage, then she would still be with him. She didn't leave him because of his past, she' left him because she was insecure and couldn't handle his past. He is not who he was now. You paint him as being the same person just like she is.

That is a personal choice-not low self-esteem.

Yes, what you are saying is a personal choice but is not the facts that have been peresented in this thread.

In order to feel "good enough" or ever "compatable" sexually for example-id want someone with similar experience to me. Otherwise id feel like im being judged and wouldnt be able to relax with him.

What has that got to do with what has been shared in this thread?

On the other hand-with someeone similar to me-im totally relaxed and confident in bed. That does not make me insecure or lacking in self esteem. I just know what im comfortable with and what i can and cant accept.

That's you.

I wouldnt, however stick around and hold the past against someone-thats pointless and immature. I woulbt listen to my friends either if they tried to turn me against my bf but weve been together a long time.. If lots of people were telling me in the early stages hes bad news etc. That would make me think twice

She went with him for a gd year. Lots of time for him to show her that he's not the man he once was that she is STILL holding against him.

When he finds a woman that judges him on who he is now and not who he was then, then he will be with a potential Life mate who is worth his worrying about.

[michelle23]

In my last post i was not talking about josh or his ex-i was commenting simply on what you said about insecurity. You seem to have a black and white opinion on everything and its not always that simple.. That is what i am saying here

[Wakeup]

Dear... when i'm posting in Josh's thread, I'm posting on the facts at hand in josh's thread. Lots of threads may have similar endings as Josh's, but usually the facts are different that led to that particular ending.

[michelle23]

Yes i get that-i do the same. But i dont agree that she is an insecure person in general. I think she just knows what shes comfortable with and this relationship made her feel insecure so she got out of it

[Wakeup]

*laughing here* that's what I said... she's insecure.

[spiritofjosh]

I'd agree with you both, and to back up Michelle one of the reasons I cared a lot for my ex is because her past is very clear (not just compared to mine). For example she's been with no more than 5 guys, all were her boyfriend at the time besides 1, and that was because they just ended up not being compatible after a while. She also doesn't sleep around and doesn't date very often, which could add into our current status because maybe she likes her freedom much more.

Either way I doubt she'll keep texting me to be honest and I already told her I have no interest in being her friend because that will do nothing but either postpone both of us from not having any more feelings or/and hurt us, whether I move on first or her. She texted me again asking if we could speak in person but I said it's up to her..knowing that she probably won't follow through anyway.

[Wakeup]

Why do so many promiscuous men want a chaste girlfriend? Y'all suck donkey ballzzzz for your ridiculous double standard.

[michelle23]

Lol i know that irritates the life out of me too. It IS double standards and wrong.. I had a BIG debate here before with a man on that topic. Hed beed with 30-40women, was 24 and wanted a "good girl" lmfao

I was brutal to him i must admit but so was a lot of people..

[michelle23]

My theory is: those men dont like their own behaviour-deep down they feel ashamed and insecure and secrety think any women stupid enough to sleep with them must be a slag. They pretend its normal to treat women that way and they only associate with girls that are like them for a long while so when they actually meet a girl who has some self respect-its a challenge. If she can love him, trust him enough to sleep with him-then there must be something special about him and it slightly boosts his self esteem.

Am i right josh?

[michelle23]

The thing that bothers me the most tho is that when a lot of these men finally find their other half-they treat her badly by cheating etc..

Im not talking about ALL-some really do change their ways but a lot of them hurt this amazing woman who he apparantly "loves" really anniys me..

[spiritofjosh]

You are right but that means that because of somethings that happened 2 years and back ago I have to "suffer" and deal with girls with similar pasts? The way things were then were the way they were, if I was asked to change them would I? Of course. But I cannot and that shouldn't mean I have to go for girls who will tell me "yeah, by the way any guy who looked my direction I went to bed with."

The past is over with, my ex before this one had a similar past to mine and I still stayed with her, didn't so much judge her on it. But when we broke up she jumped in bed with another man less than a month later. I have not done this in years nor do I plan to do it now. Maybe it's a double standard but so what? Because of my past I should only date new girls with similar pasts? I can't prefer to be with girls whom I trust won't hop on the next guy the second she's "set free?"

Of course with a past like mine any girl, including my recent ex, would (and she does) think that the first girl willing who comes along I'm going to scoop up. 2+ years ago when I didn't care so much about relationships she'd be right. Now I feel differently and now I'd rather be with one woman whom I care for and keep my eyes on her only. Again, if I could go back and make this mentality that way then, I would. But I shouldn't be criticized for not wanting to date "another me." I also don't blame her for thinking the way she does. I never once said it shouldn't be a big deal and to forget about it. I just wished she would focus on what I was doing with her.