Should I trust her?

[DrDotPhillius]

I've been with my GF for 7 years going on 8. In my opinion the frequency of sex was poor (intercourse 1-2 times a week). We werent living with each other so we had to settle for quickies. I've always complained about it because I wanted more. I would frequently express my desire to leave to find someone who was sexually compatible to me (at least 3-5 times a week). Thing is she would tell me it would get better years before we started living together and I stayed believing it would.

When we started living together I started to learn how conservative and sneaky she was. After 7 years she told me she was bi. As im typing this topic shes sleeping with her phone on vibrate under her pillow. Ive found deleted messages in her phone. She has female friends that i dont want her to hang out with because she tells me very little about them and after 7 years ive never even hung out with them. And on top of all that we have sex on average, every 3-4 days but usually when she initiates rarely when I do.

I can mention a plethora of red flags from accepting her ex-bf's friend request, spraying perfume on her panties before going to work and getting mad at me for inquiring, coming home from 8 hours of work claims to be tired but telling me very little about her day, and more. I personally feel like this situation is so complex that I would have to create 3 more topics in order to get the solution to my problem.

I am so confused. She's getting older and I'm hoping she realizes this hell I'm going through. I'm no psychic but by the looks of things I fear an impending doom. I don't want to be devastated (by the news of her being pregnant with someone's else's baby or an STD). I don't want to be afraid to trust/love someone with my all. I just want to salvage the little bit of love that I have left and give it to the right person. But I'm afraid that ill have to deal with this crap all over again. I don't want to change for the worst. I need love. I need advice/opinions as to what i should do. I know I should leave but what should I do before I go.

Which brings me to the ultimate question, Ladies how does a woman build trust with her man? Is it through making love, extreme openness and honesty? What should I expect or demand from her in order to be able to trust her? Please help.

[shortyrock]

You can't "expect" or "demand" trust.

[Boisdevie]

You have a crappy relationship so stop whining and dump her.

[DrDotPhillius]

I know I have to leave, but I'm making a final stand. I'm giving her a final opportunity to make things right. I want her to do things that women do to build trust with their men. I have never been in a serious relationship so I don't know what to expect. So ladies please tell me how you would go about repairing broken trust so that I know if she's trying.

[michelle23]

She has already broken your trust and I am almost 100% sure, she has already cheated on you. There are so many red flags, so many lies, shes very sneaky. Why would anyone spray perfume on their underwear?? I don't even do that when I'm with my bf.. Weird...

Look this girl is bad news and you seem to have a lot of issues and things you are not happy with. Maybe it is time to cut your losses, take some time out for you, be alone for a year or two until you grieve the loss of this relationship and then try to find someone more compatible with you. You will learn to trust again. There are lots of honest men and women in the world who would not cheat on anyone.. You just need to find one special girl who loves you and who has a higher sex drive

I don't think your expectations are too much btw. When your young and in love-sex should play a big role. You will meet someone who shares your views

[michelle23]

I would never break my mans trust in the first place. The reason he trusts me is because im always honest and open with him, I put him first and I give him plenty of attention, affection and sex.. Not because I think I have to but because I really want to. We share everything and we rarely argue. We also talk a lot. Good communication..

[bleucandle]

You have an "impending doom" already happening. All the signs say STOP. How much more do you want to see? Your situation is toxic. Love and relationships that are healthy for the mind, body and spirit...don't look like your situation at all. Save her the breath of telling you what she's doing, and draw your own conclusion.

Man up and stand up so that you can close that door in your life.

[DrDotPhillius]

Good God! It's amazing how stupid one can be while in love. I've never caught her actually having sex with someone, she's never told me she has, but her actions strongly insinuate that she is. My decision is based on the things that she doesn't do. But love is so complicated. In my head she's innocent until proven guilty.

I want you guys to know that I highly appreciate the support and advise coming from all of you. It is giving me the hope that I need to want to live. It's amazing how love can hurt so bad, I just can't wait until it starts to feel good again. I like to read so please feel free to share your insight/advise/help. I swear you guys have no idea hopefully you guys do.

[HeartIsAching]

Geez dude... what do you need? A signed confession?

She's bi, there are needs you can't satisfy, she's going outside the relationship for them. Yes, she's cheating. If that's a boundary for you, then it's time to move on.

[muna]

If you feel unhappy in a relationship with someone who you cannot trust and who is obviously not trustworthy then you need to end it and save yourself so much more heartache and pain to come. Make it short and friendly. Just tell her that its not working but that you enjoyed the good times. Don't make an enemy out of her.

[michelle23]

You need to be ready when you make that decision and sometimes you need proof before your ready to say goodbye. Its time to be sneaky OP. Do whatever it takes to get the answers you need-even hire a lesbian to chat her up in a bar if thats what you need to do. Once your suspicions are confirmed you can start to think about you. Life is too short to stay with someone who hurts you this way. Once your suspicions are confirmed-either throw all her stuff in bags while shes not home, put them outside and change the locks or leave without saying goodbye and if she asks y just say u dont love her

You dont owe her anything especially not an explanation and telling her u dont love her will hurt her more than saying i no what you did.

Also, it may stop her from begging and pleading which will help you to stay strong and move on. Sometimes in these situations you have to be selfish and cruel. She has been that way to you