Who is overreacting?

**amb88** · 10-02-13, 09:04 AM

Today my husband started criticizing me because I take too long to get ready to go out, even when it's just to go a block up the street to grab a bite to eat. And he says I worry too much about what other people think, when I shouldn't. I always feel the need to at least wash my face, brush my teeth, and make my hair look somewhat presentable before going out at all. He deemed this excessive for just going to the store for 5 minutes. He went on about this for almost an hour, and kept asking me why I care so much. I honestly didn't have a straight answer, part of it is because it makes me feel a little better about myself... and I think part of it is stemmed from my battles with my self-image. I was judged and tormented through school, and it always has stuck with me in some way. I've gotten better... before I couldn't go anywhere without full makeup.

Anywho, he made a huge deal out of it, saying I need to let it go. He said he wouldn't wait for me and will not go alone to go out - forcing me to change. I got defensive because this is who I am - I thought he would like the fact that I don't want to look like a total slob. I said, "well, I have food here I can eat," and he got pissed, said he wasn't going to get food for either of us, and stormed into our bedroom where he has remained since 1 oclock today (it is now 9PM). I tried to offer him some food for dinner, but he brushed me off.

I feel like I've done a pretty good job at accepting him and his flaws/quirks... yet he always seems to criticize me for something. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I am overreacting or what... I feel like the romance is gone in our relationship... it seems like all he does is either criticize me/belittle me, ignore me, or grab at me. I don't know how to talk to him without him getting angry at me --- I need advice... help!

**rob1984** · 10-02-13, 09:09 AM

Based on just what you wrote, I think he is being childish, if my wife wants to take her time getting ready, so she looks good for me, and other people look at her and think she's hot I feel great, him locked in a roomis ridiculous. Now, if you wait last minute to get ready, then I can see his frustration.. but not to a point to throw a fit. if there are bigger problems, professional help would probably be better, if hes constantly ridiculing you he may have some resentment, but thats just be speculating.. do not take my word for it.

**amb88** · 10-02-13, 09:20 AM

Sometimes I do feel like it's my fault. It's kind of embarrassing to say, but our sex life isn't good. It's because of me. I told him I've been having issues with my sex drive being low... I'm pretty sure it's because of the depression medication I'm on... but I just can't stop taking it. This medication has helped me to function normally - get up - go to work - feel happy. He said he understands, but when he does stuff like this, picking fights for no reason.... I think that may be the underlying issue.

**rob1984** · 10-02-13, 09:23 AM

you know best AMB, more then I would know.. if he is upset with your low libido cause you're on meds.. thats just wrong.. my mom was on anti depressants so I have an idea how you feel, however meds are there to remind you how it once was to feel normal again, not be a go to pill to make you feel normal.

**michelle23** · 10-02-13, 09:43 AM

I think it is great that you take pride in your appearance good for you

I think your husband is building up some unhealthy anger and resentment to you. He sounds frustrated, fed up and unhappy.

I think this is a warning that you need help. Go for marriage counselling now before this gets worse. Also, i think you should try counselling alone for your depression in the hope that you can come off the meds

**basilandthyme** · 10-02-13, 01:15 PM

I can't help but wonder if the issue is more about him having to wait for you to groom. If you know you're going out, do you get ready early so that he's not waiting around for you?

**searock** · 10-02-13, 05:27 PM

He sounds controlling and abusive. He is no different than the people who made fun of you in high school. He belittles you and makes you feel always jumpy and guilty for things that are completely normal and reasonable. I think you should seriously consider a divorce. Do you have kids?

**rob1984** · 10-02-13, 05:35 PM

AMB, do not let strangers on a forum give you advice regarding divorce.. as that is a huge life changing decision and should not be brought on about strangers on a forum.. see a counselor let them help you make that decision. You should talk to your husband, if he is still being arrogant, get help alone and then make a proper decision

**Tgirl** · 10-02-13, 05:55 PM

I think he saw a lady that he likes and now he is trying to find faults with you to ease his conscience, speculations, you need to talk to him and see why he is building up resentment towards you, it dsnt only stem from you taking a good care of yourself, maybe he bottled up a lot of things, I know it happens to me sometimes that I will storm at the very insignificant incident because I have been holding on to some anger I never resolved or talk about

**searock** · 10-02-13, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by rob1984

see a counselor let them help you make that decision. You should talk to your husband, if he is still being arrogant, get help alone and then make a proper decision

Well, duh.

**rob1984** · 10-02-13, 06:02 PM

Lol so say it, and not make such decision for people to consider divorce

**searock** · 10-02-13, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by rob1984

Lol so say it, and not make such decision for people to consider divorce

Since when is giving advice (on a love advice forum) "making a decision" for someone?

**rob1984** · 10-02-13, 08:17 PM

because divorce is a serious thing, and should not be advised by a stranger online. if its a simple question like she`s asking.. then answer it.. but she never asked you if she should divorce him. people answer what is asked.. and stop putting things in peoples heads and making them more paranoid or worried there`s a bigger problem. her question is.. am I over reacting.. not should I leave my husband.

**vashti** · 10-02-13, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by amb88

Sometimes I do feel like it's my fault. It's kind of embarrassing to say, but our sex life isn't good. It's because of me. I told him I've been having issues with my sex drive being low... I'm pretty sure it's because of the depression medication I'm on...

How often does he want sex vs how often you are giving it to him?

Also, how long is he having to wait around for you to get ready?

**searock** · 10-02-13, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by rob1984

because divorce is a serious thing, and should not be advised by a stranger online. if its a simple question like she`s asking.. then answer it.. but she never asked you if she should divorce him. people answer what is asked.. and stop putting things in peoples heads and making them more paranoid or worried there`s a bigger problem. her question is.. am I over reacting.. not should I leave my husband.

It's the OP's decision whether to act on the advice she receives or not. I'm sure nobody would divorce just because a stranger on a forum told them to (which I didn't, by the way). She came here for advice, that was and is my advice. She should consider leaving him IMO because I don't think she's happy in the relationship (nor is he) and it seems to me like there are serious underlying issues to this story. If you don't like my advice just put me on your ignore list :-).

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