What do i do??

**EEDEE** · 11-02-13, 02:19 AM

Will try to keep this brief!

A long time ago (18 years) i knew a guy who was at the time in a relationship with a girl i know. I always looked at them as being so happy as he was such a great guy. I secretly admired him too. Last year i found contact with him and he had been single for two years. I was pretty happy at this and although being married i met him and we went for a walk together. It was great talking about old times and he took me back to a time in my life when i was very happy.
I saw him time and time again and we eventually developed a relationship. During this time i left my husband and went to live with him. Lets call him "C".
"C" was attentive, caring and thoughtful but... he appeared to have a bit of a drink problem. By this i mean he showed signs of someone who like a drink more than the norm. I mean he had a beer belly (developing) red complexion and would often shake. I knew that his previous relationship came to an end rather nastily and he had turned to friends and drink at the local pub.
I wanted to help him with this and for him to become the man he used to be. I lived there for just 5 days before i returned to my husband as i felt i needed to try work it out with him. i have strong relationships with my family and they were not happy at the thought of me n hubby splitting up. I moved home and explained to C that i couldnt deal with things and needed space. C gave me space and was upset. I continued to see C and really found it difficult to let him go.
Early in Dec 2012 i decided i was leaving hubby again. Our relationship has never been easy and we argue quite a lot. Ive always felt that hubby does not show me love and this has made a huge wedge in our marriage. Ive tried to talk to him but he retreats to the cave and closes up. I do love him and i would like him to just try and show his emotion and love and im sure id be happier.
I left hubby and went to C, i stayed for 2 days and decided to go back to hubby again as my head by this point was very confused and i relly didnt know what i wanted but felt in the middle of nowhere. C's place didnt feel like home although i loved us being together.
Hubby and i talked he seemed to listen and we were ok....
Few weeks later the conversations with C started again and i was again ready to leave, this time for good. C had become distant (understandibly) and very guarded.
we talked about our future again and it was me now doing all the talking and making plans.
The following day hubby found out.. everything. He'd accessed myphone whilst i was drunk and had called C to see what was going on. Fortunately C didnt answer and they never spoke.
I spent weeks trying to keep a lid on things by explaining to hubby how unhappy id been and that this guy showed me attention and love which is what i needed.
C and i went our seperate ways whilsthubby and i seemed to have moved on a gear, things were better and i felt happier.
Then it starts to wear off... back to the non interested husband who is only attentive when he wants sex and most times only gets pleasure himself. i cranked up conversation with C again thinking " right this time is it, im going not coming back as i really do love C and my future is with him"
I speak to C and after a couple of weeks he tells me he's met someone else (i had always dreaded this)
However C is 40 yrs old and his new girlfriend has just turned 19.... Ive tried to tell him it wont work etc and hes making a mistake and that i really do love him but he is adamant that he wants to see this girl (who is actually younger than his daughter)
Im devastated.. ive always thought that we will end up together and i cant bear this thought of him and someone else!!

What can i do??????

**EEDEE** · 12-02-13, 02:36 AM

Anyone?? Some replies or advice pleeeease!!

**Wakeup** · 12-02-13, 02:58 AM

What can i do??????

Read back what your wrote and then come back and tell us what you think you should do.

**michelle23** · 12-02-13, 07:52 AM

Im going to be blunt here. You are a cow! Simple.. You should have left your husband before you went near C and the fact u are blaming your affair on your husband is not cool..

You should went to marriage counselling instead of taking the easy way out. But people like you learn the hard way the grass is NOT greener especially when you go from the frying pan into the fire. LMFAO! You dont deserve your husband and maybe one day he will kick you out for good and then you can go and be miserable with C- a man who comes with so much baggage you will wish you never met him.

I know im being harsh but you need to learn a lesson here that you will never forget and there is NO excuse to cheat on a man who has given you half his bloody life! Or anyone else for that matter

**Wakeup** · 12-02-13, 08:45 AM

*peeks in*

... *slowly.backs.out*

**EEDEE** · 12-02-13, 02:55 PM

Michelle. Thank you for your honesty. I'm not a cow. I've actually been in a very bad place and last year was diagnosed with depression and PTSD after my colleague was killed in front of me. I've actually been looking for anything to try and make myself happy. You are correct with one of your pieces of advice and I do take that on board. Thank you for your reply.

**chammie** · 12-02-13, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by EEDEE

I've actually been in a very bad place and last year was diagnosed with depression and PTSD after my colleague was killed in front of me. I've actually been looking for anything to try and make myself happy.

uh, the situation's tough.. at this younger age of mine, I couldn't give any option for you to do. But here's the thing, since you've mentioned what I quoted above, ma'am, are you just trying to find another problem to make yourself forget what happened? I mean you wanna keep yourself busy and divert attention rather than remembering another emotional dilemma that stresses you out?

If i am to be married, I'm mentally prepared with the fact that eventually me and my partner will lose spark and in the end, all that matters is we're staying together for the sake of a whole family... We're partners, no matter what happen we'll stay together with due respect for each other.. I just don't know how emotionally prepared I am regarding this, we'll see...

Prayers do help. You can make it.

**EEDEE** · 12-02-13, 04:17 PM

Originally Posted by chammie

uh, the situation's tough.. at this younger age of mine, I couldn't give any option for you to do. But here's the thing, since you've mentioned what I quoted above, ma'am, are you just trying to find another problem to make yourself forget what happened? I mean you wanna keep yourself busy and divert attention rather than remembering another emotional dilemma that stresses you out?

If i am to be married, I'm mentally prepared with the fact that eventually me and my partner will lose spark and in the end, all that matters is we're staying together for the sake of a whole family... We're partners, no matter what happen we'll stay together with due respect for each other.. I just don't know how emotionally prepared I am regarding this, we'll see...

Prayers do help. You can make it.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I suppose any sort of happiness was better than the dark hole of depression I was in. I know now that was what I was doing. Hopefully with help of meds and my counsellor we can get through my bad times and move on. I realise that C was a distraction as when I was with him I had another life which subsequently may not have been the best thing. Thank you for your words x

**michelle23** · 13-02-13, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by EEDEE

Michelle. Thank you for your honesty. I'm not a cow. I've actually been in a very bad place and last year was diagnosed with depression and PTSD after my colleague was killed in front of me. I've actually been looking for anything to try and make myself happy. You are correct with one of your pieces of advice and I do take that on board. Thank you for your reply.

I understand you have been going through a difficult time, but that is still no excuse. You have to take responsibility here OP. What you did was wrong.

**EEDEE** · 13-02-13, 01:45 AM

And I accept that and am thankful for my understanding husband!

**ashley89** · 13-02-13, 03:55 AM

so you played the back and forth game between these two men and when it all blew up in your face you're upset and asking people what to do? the C guy has a new girlfriend so you can kiss that one goodbye, and I don't know why your husband would want to stay with you after you repeatedly cheated on him, came back to him, left him, then came back again. good luck with this one

**EEDEE** · 13-02-13, 03:59 AM

Because he understands me I suppose and accepts that mentally I've been in a bad place!!

**ashley89** · 13-02-13, 04:00 AM

so what exactly is your question here?

**michelle23** · 13-02-13, 04:24 AM

People who cheat normally dont realize the pain that they have caused. Why dont you look into your husbands eyes-really look. Itl be a long time before he comes to terms with what you did, before he goes through the grieving process and comes out of it stronger. Dont be surprised if he cheats on you in 5years time or sudenly decides hes leaving you when you think all this s**t is in the past.. He will never ever forget this hurt that you have put him through. Itl be a long time before you realize how much destruction and devastation you have caused.

**EEDEE** · 13-02-13, 05:35 AM

Oh ok then.

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