Old flames never die

[AnonymousFriend]

Hi guys, just joined because I really need some advise, and can't ask anyone I know for obvious reasons. So let me start from the beginning with this story.

When I was in High School a few years ago, I fell in love with a girl who was dating my best friend. They broke up after 9 months of dating, and she turned to me for advise looking for a friend. I always wanted more, but she was my best friends ex, so I never told her how I felt. That lasted through my entire junior year, and in the senior year she moved on to a new group of friends and I stayed with mine. It hurt that I never got to see her anymore, but even when I tried to hang out with her, I never really fit into her group. So senior year passed and we moved on.

It was that summer that I met the girl I've been dating for almost 4 years now, and we plan on being together forever. The problem is, every so often something happens that triggers that old spark to become an ember once again. Ive only seen this girl once in the whole time I've been out of high school, but her memory just will not let me be. I gave her my heart once, and it feels like she still has a piece of it she carries with her.

This hurts. Maybe it's regret that I never told her. I am happy with my partner right now, but I don't know, I just can't seem to let it be even though I'm really trying to move on with my life.

So can someone tell me, does the flame of love ever truly go away? Or will I be plagued by the what-ifs of the past for the rest of my life? How long will I be tortured by my own heart? 10 years? 20? Maybe then will she let me be? Please, if anyone can share their similar experiences, and their outcome, maybe it will put my mind at ease.

[ashley89]

it will go away. you had feelings for her so every now and then you're going to think of her, but you never actually dated so in time thoughts of her will fade. you are with someone new now who you are happy with, there's no need to worry about this girl of the past who you didn't even have a relationship with you know? she was just a crush of the past.

[basilandthyme]

It's possible that you are feeling this way because you didn't actually date her....find out all each others irritating bits....and then break up (as the far majority of teen romances do). If you'd have crashed and burned, you'd be well and truly over her.

I still have the very occasional fond memory of a summer fling which I had in 1984. I think it's the same reason - because we never actually experienced having a relationship and irritated the hell out of each other.

[AnonymousFriend]

Thanks for the quick replys.

Im beginning to wonder if I talked to her if it'd help bring some sort of closure. We're still technically friends, just haven't spoken in 4 years.

[HeartIsAching]

Personally I believe that like energy, love can't be destroyed - only changed into another form of energy. If as basilandthyme said, you never had an actual relationship and changed that energy into a different type (hate, indifference, friendship, whatever) there's a good chance it'll never go away. Over time you'll think about it less and less and one day you will realize it's been years. I know you think it's been a long time now, but it hasn't really.

[basilandthyme]

Im beginning to wonder if I talked to her if it'd help bring some sort of closure. We're still technically friends, just haven't spoken in 4 years.

No, don't. Just let it go. And if you start thinking about her, replace your though pattern by counting all the wonderful things you have in your life.

[celestina]

Soon you will live this: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/78068-Complicated

[michelle23]

This is unfair to your gf. What u really need to ask yourself is: if this girl text u saying she has feelibgs for you what would you do? If the answer is leave your gf then you should not be together. If you really love her you should be thinking "its great the past didnt work out or else i never would have met my wonderful girl that i have now" if u always find urself wondering is the grass greener with someone else than you are clearly insecure and will always feel like u have settled for second best..

You were not "in love" with that girl from the past. You were infatuated by her which is completely different and it didnt work for a reason.

[pcmaster]

Never looks at her or her pictures. Once you forget how shes face looks like it thoughts becomes so much better and cleaner.

[chammie]

Stick with your present. She is your future. I may not had the same experience as yours but my guy, we've been under a big problem because her ex live in partner went back from abroad. Know what he told me, "the love's still there. But I have you now. And that makes all the difference." I dunno if he will most likely commit adultery once we get married, but if he does, i'll make sure he'll regret losing a woman like me. Your present partner sticked with you through your ups and downs. Why bother yourself thinking of how to erase the girl from the past in your thoughts.

Let's make things easy for you pal, here's the thing.. Think of a PINK ELEPHANT...
PINK ELEPHANT...
PINK ELEPHANT..

Now, do not think about that PINK ELEPHANT...
do not think about that PINK ELEPHANT...
do not think about that PINK ELEPHANT...


see, you're thinking of NOT THINKING THE PINK ELEPHANT..

The more you try to TEACH YOURSELF NOT TO THINK, THE MORE YOU WILL THINK OF IT..

think of other things...NOT THINK ON HOW TO ERASE HER FROM YOUR THOUGHTS...


go ahead and give it a try

[AnonymousFriend]

I get what you guys are saying. It's something I already knew. She's someone I will never truly forget, but it is the past. I just had a moment of relapse if you will. Thanks everyone for the advise.

[JdK84]

I've had a similar situation. However, we were "boyfriend/girlfriend" in grade school, and my crush/infatuation has lasted for 20 years. I'm 28 so that's quite a significant portion of my life. I've been with a girl for some time now and everyone is starting to pressure me into marriage. I don't have that "I need to marry this girl" feeling yet though, and all the pressure has got me asking myself why don't I feel it yet? I'm afraid the answer is that I won't ever feel it and I've wasted my girl's time

[michelle23]

Here we go again. Why settle people? You need to be sure. If your getting married you cannot be thinking is there someone else out there who is better for me? Some people never learn but that = DIVORCE